no one is home

| preston langford | | 17 | | druggie| | north shore high |

[amaliaxcollins-blog-blog]

  Once everyone’s already in a bad mood load them up with alcohol and that’s when you carefully bring up family secrets, bring up topics you know get the old folks rattled up when there’s a disagreement and let the chaos begin. Make sure the sharp knives are laid out in arms reach. 

[pressingpreston]

Well, that does sound mightily refreshing... I can't wait to see their faces as I incessantly bring up grandpas numerous affairs and my cousins severe drug and hooker habits... My, I can smell the offended sensibilities already...  This should be good.

[amaliaxcollins-blog-blog]

  Sabotage. Especially big dinners — Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving — make sure everything turns out shit that way everyone is already in a bad mood. Then step two, lead them to throw blame to another family member. Do all that and you’ve basically got a recipe to disaster. 

[pressingpreston]

That sounds like an excellent place to start... and defintely quite effective. However, what might I do if I want to really get things heated... I'm talking about the level where we see decapitation and ritualistic sacrifices occuring. I genuinely can't wait to see all hell break loose next time we're all gathered round the dinner table...

[lenazaro]

  As it should— or will, at least. Someday anyway.

[pressingpreston]

Oh, I doubt that very much.

[lenazaro]

  I’m Elena Zaromatidis, I don’t need to prove myself to you.

[pressingpreston]

Oh my gosh yes, your name has struck a mortal fear into my heart, let me beg for your forgiveness kiss the very dirt you stand on.

[amaliaxcollins-blog-blog]

  It’s your lucky day because anyone who gets off at the thought of watching their family slaughter each other is someone worth my time and knowledge. You should probably start writing this shit down. 

[pressingpreston]

Trust me, I am beyond ready. I've got a pen and paper, so start with the basics: how do I begin to enrage them to the point of fatal violence? 

[lenazaro]

  Because to be superior, you’d have to be better than me and well…

[pressingpreston]

Prove that you're superior on at least 5 non-subjective scales and I may concede that are equals.

[lenazaro]

  I just want someone with half a brain to show me how to.

[pressingpreston]

If you're satisfied with someone who will medically be brain dead showing you how to wear shoes I think you're probably in a pretty dire situation yourself.

[lenazaro]

  But you’re not, and I don’t like lying.

[pressingpreston]

You're not going to be lying, you'll merely be conceding to and recognising the truth.  What makes you think it's not true?

[amaliaxcollins-blog-blog]

  That I can do, after all you’re talking to the reigning champion of the blood bath that is any Collin’s family get together. Prey on their weaknesses and watch the slaughter begin. 

[pressingpreston]

Oh my, the thought of seeing my family tear each other limb from limb in a blood lust fueled brawl is so damn exciting. I am so ready for this. Teach me your art, sensei.

[lenazaro]

  Too bad I don’t have one.

[pressingpreston]

I'll accept a verbal acknowledgement of my being a superior being in every conceivable way.

[lenazaro]

I can’t walk in these stupid shoes.

[pressingpreston]

Congratulations, do you want a pity party or something?

[lenazaro]

  Congratulations, do you want a prize or something.

[pressingpreston]

Yes, I think having come back from the depths of hell is quite the achievement.

[amaliaxcollins-blog-blog]

  Bored during the holidays? Clearly you’ve been doing Christmas wrong, it’s all about pitting family members against each other. 

[pressingpreston]

Interesting suggestion... I'm a big fan of blood sports, maybe give me some tips for maximum carnage so I can truly enjoy the next major holiday when I become trapped in a whirlwind of obligatory family interactions?

[pressingpreston]

I'm sorry if anyone's worried that I've died in a hole and no ones told you, Christmas killed me through family interaction and boredom. I've now been revived as an agent of Death.

[oldonemaster]

Visit Original Link

Bathory-Ring Of Gold

[faith-jacobson]

[pressingpreston]

Rude.

[mordecaiblaine]

[pressingpreston]

C'mon, you know I'm right. Or does your passion for teaching truly know no bounds?