Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands

Aspiring filmmaker Indie folk brainrot Your favorite film student

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

Intro or whatever

Im in film school and majoring in writing and directing

i make experimental junkie films

shot on uppers

written on downers

aspiring filmmaker

romantic in ways that are probably a problem

i cope by making playlists that sound like they’re in love with someone who doesn’t know they exist

this blog is a mess of

film stills / thoughts i don’t finish / shitposts / sincerity / songs that ruin me

currently soundtracked by

Fiona Apple

Elliott Smith

Daniel Johnston

K.Flay

Built to spill

PJ Harvey

i’m self-aware enough to know this is embarrassing

but not enough to stop

anyway

nothing here is polished

everything here is felt

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just posting into the void again. I’m seriously not ok. I don’t mean this in a deep way I’m literally just high as hell off my ass. I don’t think I’ve ever been honest to anyone. I just called my best friend it’s 2:30 and I’m alone. I don’t even know if she’s really my best friend. I don’t know anything about anything or anybody or anyone. I have no one. I have no clue what I’m supposed to be at 19. Like I go to community college and I’m ugly as hell. I just wish I coulda see what life was like if I wasn’t cursed with my genetic inferiority

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

i have no clue how the hell these post production people can sit and edit for hours at a time

final cut pro was glitching on on me today and i think my brains melting

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

literally making a short film that I wrote when I was suicidal and I imagined I had a girlfriend and what it would do to her just so I wouldn’t do it.

i don’t have a girlfriend so it’s honestly kinda sad I even wrote this

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

nothing happened.

and yet everything did.

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

i don’t want to ruin it by wanting more.

i like being her friend.

i like the way she talks to me like i’m not a joke.

i like existing in the same frame as her, even if i’m not the focus.

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

fuck sketch up

all my homies hates sketch up

why the hell does it take 3 tries to make a wall the right length and also why is the angle i measure out not correct on here?

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

honestly I’m such a fucking loser and hope no one I know ever finds this blog and figures out it’s me

this is so embarrassing to be shouting into the void like this

i swear I’m not a weirdo creep

i am just a transgender loser who wants to live a normal life and be with a woman who loves me back

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

she smiled at me while we danced and my brain short circuited.

not in a “this means something” way.

in a “this will replay in my head forever whether it meant something or not” way.

it meant nothing to her but everything to me.

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

i’ve accidentally fallen in love with a girl who’s obsessed with radiohead and david lynch.

which feels cosmically unfair, actually.

like. why does she have to be nice to me?

she doesn’t poke fun at me. she doesn’t tell me i’m weird. she just talks to me like i’m a normal human being and that’s apparently all it takes.

my standards are so underground at this point that anyone who doesn’t bully me immediately becomes a romantic prospect. anyone who gives me even a fraction of attention and i’m already emotionally storyboarding our meet cute.

obviously she has a boyfriend. obviously she’s out of my league. obviously this is all very on-brand for me.

but honestly? i like being her friend.

and maybe that’s enough.

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

I’m full on yearning over a girl.

Like she’s the kind of girl you write movies about.

I’m full on longing for her so badly. Whenever she smiles at me I feel like I’m gonna explode into star dust.

She’s in my dreams at this point.

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

i can’t enjoy movies anymore

i can only analyze why they hurt

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

i don’t remember what it’s like to watch a movie without thinking

“why did they choose this angle”????

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

this song knows too much about me and i don’t like that

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

daniel johnston makes me feel less insane about loving things too much or making things that don’t ask permission. which is probably why i keep coming back and why i got the eyeball with wings off continued story tattooed

he was a real artist

[prettymaryk-otherversion]

love how i’ll romanticize the smallest moment

and then be confused when real life doesn’t feel cinematic

like sorry my brain is shot in 4:3

[camgirlsblog]

Brrr

Shot on film