I am sorry, but for all horndog energy Rick has I absolutely cannot believe that he could keep up with a horny teenager like Morty if he was given full permission to go all out on him. He was the teen who fucked a robot for an entire day and only stopped in order to get water (and brag about it in front of everyone, the fucking perv), while Rick only had, what, only single soul fucking orgy and that was enough for him?
Rick would get utterly destroyed by Morty by the end of the day, and I love to think that Morty is fully aware of this and takes full advantage but Rick is too obstinate to ever concede and keeps going until he literally can’t move anymore. Of course later Morty is taking care of him to nurse him back to help and is a little more gentle the next, but only until he wants to destroy him again.
R&M/Spirited Away AU with Morty in the role of Chihiro and Rick in the role of Haku. Rick has been missing for two years. Beth thinks he’s dead. Morty thinks he left. Morty is bitter and jaded and isolated from his family.
The spirit world that Morty gets stuck in isn’t a different dimension - it’s still Morty’s Earth, and during the daytime, he can still see the physical world. The spirits are more like elementals - wind, fire, rain, etc, that have the ability to evoke strong emotions and sometimes physical sensations in Morty. Some of them are pretty scary. Rick is a fire elemental known as Than, but the servants at the bath house refer to him as “The Empty Host.”
Morty is given the name Das.
From the beginning, Das is curious about Than. There’s something eerie about him. Than is kind of an asshole, but he helps Das adjust to the spirit world, and there’s something familiar in the bite of Than’s voice when he snaps, “Don’t think about it!” as he leads Das across the bridge to the bath-house.
The longer Das stays in the spirit world, the less control he has over his physical body. He becomes a wind spirit, taking the form of a huge albatross, and as he does, he starts to forget himself. He and Than are unique among the spirits because of their ability to shape-shift (Than takes the form of a giant dragon). Sometimes, Morty watches Than flying from a distance, and wonders if Than was once a human, too.
I don’t like remakes - this wouldn’t be a scene-for-scene repeat of Spirited Away. I think Yubaba’s arc needs to be strengthened a little - what are her motivations for trapping humans? Is she a goddess of some sort? I kind of like that idea.
Rick has completely forgotten who he is at this point, but there’s something in him that recognizes Morty, and it awakens his desire to escape. I would want to see more of him sabotaging Yubaba when he’s lucid enough to, and maybe more back and forth between him and Morty in which Morty is unsure if he can really trust him. Than and Das’ relationship needs to be more central to the story than the relationship between Haku and Chihiro in Spirited Away.
Tonally, this should be a little darker than Spirited Away - Morty is nearly an adult at this point, and very jaded. He’s been abandoned by Rick, and the mundanity of Earth isn’t treating him well. Maybe he questions whether a life of servitude in the bath house is really worse than the life he left behind. Maybe he wonders if his stupid family deserves to stay pigs.
I think this would be a fun AU to explore because one of the central themes of Spirited Away is the value of identity - something that Rick seems to disdain. Also, Morty’s background with Rick sets him up to be initially a little more successful as he integrates into the spirit world. I can definitely imagine him using some skills that he learned from Rick in order to adapt and overcome.
Also, all of those family feels. Can’t forget that!
The acrid scent of fuel is the first thing Morty notices, and then the scorched smell of twisted metal. He looks at his hands dumbly, fluttering his fingers one by one, his thoughts muzzy and confused.
Reasoning kicks in all at once, ugly and sharp. The fuel line must have busted, Morty thinks, along with, oh fuck, oh fuck. He scrambles for the exit, thankfully the only part of the escape pod that isn’t mangled beyond recognition.
Morty drops to the alien ground and rolls, his left side giving beneath his weight. Something is wrong with his hip. There’s no time to investigate, though. The burning smell is even stronger outside the ship. Morty stumbles to his feet and half staggers, half runs to safety.
It’s not far before his body gives out again, a little over a hundred yards, maybe. Morty collapses to the ground, breathing like a freight train, legs splayed in front of him. Further away would be safer, he knows, but the escape pod he’d stolen is hardly the size of Summer’s ridiculous smart car. Besides, everything hurts, and he is so, so tired.
Morty decides that he will take his chances.
He leans back on his palms, burying his fingers in the cherry-red powder that makes up the topsoil of this planet, and watches the ship burn. There’s something cathartic about the thick black smoke that rises from the hulk of stinking metal. Morty crunches the dirt beneath his palms. It compacts under pressure like snow, even though the atmosphere is dry and comfortable. The feeling is incredibly satisfying.
Maybe they’ll think I’m dead, Morty hopes. He doesn’t bother scanning the sky for signs of his captors’ ship. Nevermind that he’s torched his only shot at escape. Nevermind that he’s stranded on some desert planet in the middle of god-only-knows-where. Nevermind that nobody knows where he is, or where he could be. Morty doesn’t give a fuck. He was out of options before he discovered the escape pod, and he’s out of options now.
At least he’ll die free.
Something silver flutters at the periphery of his vision, and Morty startles. He’s lost track of time, playing in the sand and watching his freedom go up in flames. Adrenaline surges through him like electricity, and he whirls, body primed for action from months of captivity.
Rick.
Morty would recognize that silhouette anywhere. Funny, for a ship made completely of garbage, Rick’s landings are absolutely silent. Morty hadn’t even heard him approach.
Morty must not be as exhausted as he thought, because he’s is already on his feet, fingers grasping at his hips for a weapon that doesn’t exist. Rick is standing with his arms held limply at his sides. He looks exactly as Morty remembers him, all wild hair and white lab coat flapping gently in the breeze.
His face is a storm cloud of disbelief and thunder.
“Rick,” Morty tries to say, but the word dies on his lips. His throat is dry, his tongue sticking awkwardly to the roof of his mouth. This is the part that Morty has dreaded for months, and now, Rick is here, and Morty hasn’t had time to prepare.
“Rick,” Morty tries again. He reckons he only has seconds left to live. He’s never seen Rick stand so still. “I - I-”
Fuck, Morty is fine with dying, has been anticipating it for months, but Rick needs to know. “I never meant to leave you!” he shouts. Finally.
Rick’s only response is a slight furrow of his brow, and Morty finds that the words, once loosed, won’t stop. “They, they made me. They forced me to say those things. They were watching us, for, for weeks, Rick, and they made me say… Rick, they were going to, to fucking kill you, and I couldn’t, I…”
“Morty,” Rick interrupts him, and Morty notices for the first time that there are actual goddamn tears in Rick’s eyes. “I know.”
Morty deflates, says something stupid like, “oh,” and he can’t remember who moves first but it doesn’t fucking matter, because suddenly his world is consumed by Rick. Rick’s fingers, grasping bruisingly against tender skin. Rick’s voice, hot and rasping and breathless in his ear. The scent of vodka and soldering gun and coffee and portal fluid, the scratch of Rick’s sweater pressed painfully to Morty’s cheek.
“They took you from me,” Rick is saying over and over again. His body is trembling, rage or grief or some other pent up emotion, and it terrifies Morty. It elates him. At some point, Rick has collapsed to his knees. “They took you… oh god, oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, Morty,”he breathes, pinning Morty to him in a way that feels more like a prison sentence than a hug.
Morty doesn’t mind. He says stupid shit to Rick all the time, and a backward part of his brain decides to bask in Rick’s incoherence. “It’s okay,” he soothes instinctually, curling over Rick’s body and awkwardly pawing at his shoulders. Rick shudders and presses his face deeply into the remains of Morty’s t-shirt. “It’s okay.”
And then, Morty tries something that he’s always longed to try.
He threads his fingers through Rick’s wild silver hair and tugs, ever so gently. “It’s okay, Rick,” he echoes softly. “I’m here. I’m home.”
Rick stiffens, then looks up with an intensity that sends Morty’s heart flipping toward his stomach. He holds Morty’s gaze, and no matter how much Morty wants to, he can’t turn away. It’s an instant and an eternity, and then suddenly, Rick’s eyes flutter shut, and the moment is broken.
Rick takes a deep breath, then stands, and it’s like nothing out of the ordinary ever happened.
“Come on, you little shit,” Rick rasps, guiding Morty toward the ship with a hand that grips just a hair too tight on Morty’s shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
Rick probably drinks something strong and alien. But if we’re talking earth shit, I think that his go-to is probably triple distilled vodka.
We’re pretty familiar with the XXX brand of liquor that Rick drinks directly from the bottle. Decent vodka is usually distilled three times. Super fucking fancy vodka can be distilled up to five times or more, but really, after three you get diminishing returns on the quality for the price you’re paying.
Why vodka?
I would still headcanon vodka even without the XXX branding in the show, just because of all liquor, vodka contains the least congeners - the toxic shit in alcohol that contributes to a hangover. There’s a lot of truth in the supposition that clear stuff is less likely to fuck you over the next day. I think that Rick is likely to approach his drinking scientifically, just like he does everything else in his life. The clear spirits - vodka, gin, sake - go down smoother, are easier to regulate and control, and much less likely to induce world-ending hangovers. Also, Rick is a very high functioning alcoholic. Of the clear spirits, vodka is by far the easiest liquor to maintain a nice, even buzz if you know what you’re doing, and a “nice, even buzz” is crucial for Rick to even be able to stand up straight. In other words, buzzed Rick is baseline Rick, and sustaining a good buzz is easiest with vodka.
When Rick drinks to get drunk, he probably reaches for whatever does the job. Really, it’s anybody’s guess. Vodka just keeps him stable. Beer, whiskey, rum, even Birdperson’s cooking sherry will do in a pinch. I like to think that Rick hates tequila to the point that he refuses to drink it, but that’s a personal headcanon - nothing based on evidence in the show. I also think that Crown is a weakness for Rick - one that he usually succumbs to, and always regrets the next day.
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