I miss my husband.

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@priestrada
I miss my husband.
Never mind. I’m over that. It’s kind of awesome how quickly I get over people now. None of it will ever hurt as bad as my husband dying did.
When I spoke to the psychic and she said my husband and I loved many lives together…my husband knew. It was actually insane how spiritual and in tune he was. He always tried to tell me but I was so focused with the here and now to be open to it.
Ruben sat down on his patio chair. He was excited to be pulling out the white powder and a lighter. As he rummaged through his pocket, he heard a small noise.
“Hi Ruben.”
He jumped and swiveled his head towards the direction of the noise. It was his wife, Priscilla. Except that she looked skinnier and her was longer. He hastily shoved the bag of white powder back into his pocket.
“Hey babe. You scared me.”
“I know what you’ve got there.”
He was instantly annoyed. “Got where?”
“I know about it. The fentanyl. Or sorry, the ‘fettuccine’ or ‘fetty wap’ as you and your dumb friend Kevin call it.”
How did she…? “Are you reading my messages?”
Priscilla sighed. She walked over to him and put one hand on each of the arm rests on either side of him. “Before we get into this, I need to do this,” she bent low and kissed his lips. She parted his lips with her tongue and that’s when Ruben pulled back.
“What are you doing? You have some talking to do.”
“Ugh, I forgot that you couldn’t be physically intimate when you were annoyed.”
“Can you tell me what the fuck is going on?”
“It’ll take you a moment to believe this but I’m not the wife you presently know. That wife is in the shower. Our boys are asleep too. No, this wife, the one you don’t know, is a widow.”
Ruben looked at her again. He noticed her weight loss again. He noticed that her eyes were sunken. He noticed her hair was longer. “What are you talking about…?”
“Ruben. Honeybee. This Priscilla standing in front of you…is a widow…because of the stuff in your pocket.”
Ruben’s hand was still in his pocket, cradling the baggy with his fingers.
“You’re crazy…” he began to say.
“I’m going to stop you right there,” replied Priscilla. “I don’t think you get it. You can’t lie and gaslight me about this. I come from a time where you’re dead.”
Ruben’s fingers lifted off of the baggy in his pocket. “What happens?”
“As you know, you’ve been hiding this since early May. Most of what I know is from reading your messages and whatnot after…after the worst day of my life. Then, Kevin stopped talking to you for some reason. Still unknown so you got that baggy from James. You use and hop in the shower with me where you start nodding off while in the shower. At this point, I’m still oblivious to what active use looks like and you take full advantage of my confusion.”
“I didn’t take advantage…” Ruben began. “I just simply haven’t told you.”
Priscilla glares at Ruben. Then, she wants to kiss him again so she bends down close to his face, “Please let me kiss you. It’s been over a year since I’ve kissed your living lips.”
Ruben sees his wife in a new light. She’s thinner and her hair is longer than it is even now. He thinks for a moment…is this cheating on my wife? He decides it’s not since this is his wife, at least physically. He kisses her and for a few moments, time stood still for Priscilla. She pulls apart from him.
“Thanks, honeybee. I’ve truly missed you.” She sighs dreamily. “Ok, where did I leave off? Oh yes. We are intimate for our very last time. The next day, you head off to the Moxie office in Irvine after giving me a kiss goodbye. The last kiss.”
Ruben knows where this is going.
“I get a call from Jamie around 2:30 PM saying your boss wants to call me but he takes too long and I head over to your phone’s location.”
“Stop,” Ruben said.
“Why?”
“I know…I know what happens next.”
“You need to hear this. Cops surround your office and inform me that you were found unresponsive in your work bathroom. After they tell me why they think you passed, do you know what sound I hear next, Ruben?”
“Stop.”
“Take a guess.”
“Babe, please.”
Priscilla pauses. She hasn’t heard him call her that in over a year. The word melts right into her heart. She continues, “Tyler’s crying. He overhears the cop and Tyler cries instantly upon hearing the news.”
Ruben’s heart breaks into a million pieces. Before he knows it, tears start to plop onto his shirt.
“What am I doing?”
“Honeybee…”
He trembles and shakes.
“Let me see the bag.”
“No, if you accidentally touch it, you will possibly overdose.”
“Good. You can end my suffering of you being gone and stop the suffering with the Priscilla from this timeline.”
Ruben takes out the bag and hands it to her. Priscilla walks into the apartment and into the bathroom not being used by her other self. She flushes it down the toilet. The most poisonous bag is away from her family.
Ruben sat down on his patio chair. He was excited to be pulling out the white powder and a lighter. As he rummaged through his pocket, he heard a small noise.
“Hi Ruben.”
He jumped and swiveled his head towards the direction of the noise. It was his wife, Priscilla. Except that she looked skinnier and her was longer. He hastily shoved the bag of white powder back into his pocket.
“Hey babe. You scared me.”
“I know what you’ve got there.”
He was instantly annoyed. “Got where?”
“I know about it. The fentanyl. Or sorry, the ‘fettuccine’ or ‘fetty wap’ as you and your dumb friend Kevin call it.”
How did she…? “Are you reading my messages?”
Priscilla sighed. She walked over to him and put one hand on each of the arm rests on either side of him. “Before we get into this, I need to do this,” she bent low and kissed his lips. She parted his lips with her tongue and that’s when Ruben pulled back.
“What are you doing? You have some talking to do.”
“Ugh, I forgot that you couldn’t be physically intimate when you were annoyed.”
“Can you tell me what the fuck is going on?”
“It’ll take you a moment to believe this but I’m not the wife you presently know. That wife is in the shower. Our boys are asleep too. No, this wife, the one you don’t know, is a widow.”
Ruben looked at her again. He noticed her weight loss again. He noticed that her eyes were sunken. He noticed her hair was longer. “What are you talking about…?”
“Ruben. Honeybee. This Priscilla standing in front of you…is a widow…because of the stuff in your pocket.”
Ruben’s hand was still in his pocket, cradling the baggy with his fingers.
Person 8 - Uncle J
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
My husband passed away on Wednesday. It was a very big surprise to me to be told he was found with fentanyl and foil. He overdosed.
Worst part is, I didn’t know he was using but I finally got answers to all of his strange behaviors for the past month or two.
One side effect of fentanyl abuse is erectile dysfunction. As a wife, you’re patient for your husband to find a solution to this, my husband had sex with me maybe 3-4 times during his last couple of months. As a woman with a higher than average sex drive, that was torture.
Yesterday, I woke up with bad sexual urges and I decided to ask my husband’s best friend because he was respectful, mourned my loss with me, and was stepping up for my children. He agreed and this is how it went:
He came in and I said,”I know this is super awkward. If you don’t feel comfortable, I get it.”
He said,”It’s fine. I told you I’d be there for you.”
“Ok, well I’m not sure how to start this. I haven’t been with someone new in 6 years. I know you have been though.”
“Why don’t we start by cuddling,” he suggested.
“Ok.” We plopped on the couch and he hugged me and I snuggled up against him. My husband didn’t like cuddling so it was nice. He began stroking my arms and then progressed to my chest. Once he touched my chest, I looked up at him and began kissing him. That was nice too. It got heated and he pulled me on top of him and I began grinding on him, he began licking my breasts. That’s always a switch for me, breast foreplay. I wanted sex. I said, ”You should have sex with me now.” He put on the condom but then said,”You deserve more foreplay.” He played with my clit and my breasts and at this point I really wanted him inside me. He must have read my mind because he went in.
Waves of pleasure travel up my body and he’s rough. I had been asking my husband for that but he’s a gentle lover by nature. I loved that about him too. We had sex for about 5 minutes or so and he took himself out and said,”I’m gonna cum…” and he began playing with my clit and he made me cum. Then, he want back in came shortly after.
He’s been the first to describe how it felt to be inside me from a man’s perspective:
Pulsing, warm, and gripping. He said I was tight and it made him cum earlier than he was used to.
I am on a mission.
Let me begin by telling you that my high school 10 year reunion is approaching in August.
This is going to be weird to type out so try to follow me. Let’s go back to 2008. I started at a new high school after having moved from Ontario, CA. After eating my lunch alone in the bathroom because I was too embarrassed for anyone to see me eating alone, I sat down in the outside lunch area and looked around. Out of nowhere, a girl named Jackie approaches me. She asks me which middle school I came from. I told her the one from Ontario. She says,”Oh you’re new?“ I nodded. She asked me what my next classes were and I told her French and Art and she said,”Oh my gosh! Me too! Okay don’t worry, we can go together.”
I was very relieved to find a friend. She introduced me to Michelle in the art class and we became like a trio of best friends.
After some time, we all started developing our own crushes. I told them my crush was Storm Sanchez. Jackie told me hers was Andre who was in our English class. I got the bright idea to get things moving for her by asking him who he liked in this class since he sat right behind me. He said,”No one, why?” I said,”Are you sure because I know someone in here who thinks you’re super cute.” He confirmed he had no interest in anyone in the class. I felt bad because I felt like I had failed. The period ended and she approached me angrily.
“Why were you talking to Andre?”
”I was hoping to see if he liked you back,” I replied.
”What did he say,” she asked.
”He said he didn’t like anyone in the class.”
”You we’re flirting with him! I saw you guys laughing together,” she accused me.
”He told a joke, I didn’t want to be mean and not laugh at it! I wasn’t flirting with him, I really just wanted to get you guys together,” I said, taken aback.
and so began a series of unfortunate events.
Jackie then got a crush on James Lafond who told Michelle that he thought I was cute and had a crush on me. Jackie changed her crush to Armon who sat next to me in French class. Armon tried to talk to me a lot and he also told Michelle that he had a crush on me.
At this point, Jackie was getting very angry and blamed ME for other guys thinking I was attractive. She told Michelle that she wished she could tear my pretty face off.
Michelle then told me this and that Jackie was telling everyone in our friend group to not be my friend because I steal boys. She was actually successful in this.
By the end of the year, even Michelle cut me off and I was alone. I had no friends to spend the summer with. She even tried to get me suspended because I told Michelle,”I’m gonna kill her!” Jackie told the vice principal this and said that she was actually scared that I’d do it because I’m from the ghetto, Ontario. When sophomore year started, I tried to ask her what her problem was and why she tried cutting all of my friends off from me. She ignored me and hid behind a boy she made friends with.
I tried to find her on social media every few years to confront her again but I couldn’t find her.
Now, as I’m helping to plan the 10 year reunion, I see that her profile has joined the group and she even posted but I couldn’t like the post or click on her profile. SHE HAS ME BLOCKED.
At first I was thinking of kicking her ass for ignoring me and bullying me in high school but I thought of a better revenge. I’m going to look as hot as possible, so she can remember the pretty face that caused her to ostracize me.
I went viral on TikTok. My cash stuffing Tiktok account is about to hit 60K followers. It’s pretty inane.
However, with lots of attention also comes negativity. That part kinda sucks but I hope I can be accepted into the creator fund and make money off of it!
I'm baaaackkkk
Your not favorite blogger is back. Likely not for very long but at least for this moment in time.
I miss writing. I miss having time and the attention to write every little thought that went through my head.
Being an adult is such a weird concept. Especially an adult that is almost a decade past her teenage years. I'm almost 30 guys. I'm going to be 28 this December. I have two kids and a husband.
I wish I had traveled more in my 20s but my lack of budgeting and saving didn't allow me to do that.
Until then - #TwentyNotFlirtyKindaThriving
Person 7: Rooby-licious
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
WARNING: You are about to read literally the best first time I've ever had.
We are at my last (first) sexual experience and it is with my current boyfriend of a year and a half.
My boyfriend and I met technically online. We've known of each other because of mutual high school friends, however, we didn't talk in high school.
We got together to play against each other in Mortal Kombat X. He has a son so I came to his house after his closing shift at work to play.
This guy was a complete gentlemen the first two dates. Yes, I call them dates. The second date, I actually slept in his bed with him and literally, he slept on the complete opposite side. I was impressed.
It didn't feel like he was desperate to get into my pants, it didn't feel like he was judging me, it all just felt right.
Anyways, I decided to sleep over again on the third date after a few texts letting him know that I was very interested in him. After a long night of gaming and movies, we called it a night. We laid down and he pulled me in and spooned me. I was really excited. But that's all he did. I quickly concocted a plan to make it go further.
Me: Since you kicked my ass in MKX, you should get a prize. What prize do you want? Him: I don't know, what kind of prize? Me: Anything you want. (I'm really hoping he asks for a kiss.) Him: Surprise me. I was frustrated that he didn't just say it but whatever, I was going to kiss him tonight haha. Me: Close your eyes. Him: Okay.
I leaned in and gave him the best first kiss of my life. It lasted about 20 seconds. We both smiled and went in for a full on make out session and he put his hand under my shirt onto my breast and started playing with my nipples. He squeezed my ass and let his hands explore my entire body as he was making out with me. He was getting me really horny.
"Do you have a condom?"
"Yeah," he said as he reached into his drawer to pull one out.
He slipped it on and instead of going inside of me, he started eating me out. I have literally never had anyone eat me out like that. Then, he slipped inside of me. I was so extremely wet by that time. No one had ever gotten me that wet. The best feeling ever began to pulse through my body as he did his thang. He was even bigger than 4th experience. It hurt but it hurt soooo good. He came about 15 minutes after sliding in and even though I didn't climax that night, I was high on the ambiance, weed, his tongue, his fingers, and good dick.
Person 6: Ed-lucinations
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
I got back together with my ex after my last sexual experience and spent 3 more years together until he broke up with me for good. Another high school peer, who had been my friend for a few years and had a bit of a history together saw it as his golden opportunity to finally get in my pants.
I didn't mind. He was good looking.
After a night out with friends, him and I were crashing on the couch of a friend's house. He was dreadfully obvious about wanting to hook up with me. Not in a pig kind of way but I could literally feel his energy reaching out to me. I can't remember if I asked or he asked but we ended up spooning. His energy starting to scream "SEX" at me. I tried to sleep through it but I couldn't. I also led him on so I honestly felt guilty not letting him sleep with me.
We started to touch each other and kiss each other. I asked him to have sex with me, however, as much as he was doing, he wasn't hard. He had already spoken of this with me, that he doesn't get hard during the first time with a girl but alas, I was still extremely disappointed because if I was going to do something I wasn't too keen on, might as well do it right.
I tried to hop on top of him to grind him into a woody. The second I looked into his face, his head clearly looked like my ex's. I'd never hallucinated in my life but this night, Ed was clearly not Ed, but my ex. My heart beat raced and I kissed Ed with all the love I had for Marcel in that moment. I'm not sure if he felt that.
I unmounted him, I didn't want to see Marcel's face anymore. We tried for a bit longer but then gave up. I snuck out in the early hours of the morning because I just felt like everything was awkward. I called an uber and got the hell out of there.
Person 5: Travis-ty.
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
There was a guy that I started talking to after my boyfriend at the time left me for the only time I had cheated on him. I was 19. (He had cheated on me many times before that.) This left me very vulnerable and when the cute guy from my freshman year started chatting with me, I was super down.
I went over to Travis' house to play video games and chill. He still lived with his mother and I kinda thought that was weird. His other friend, Alex, was there. I knew Alex from high school since he was in a couple of my classes.
Travis and I were flirting a lot. He wasn't really as cute as he was in high school but still cute. He was very tall and it made me feel awkward. Anyways, his friend was playing games and Travis and I were on his bed behind Alex. Travis was showing signs of obvious attraction to me so I said, "If you want to kiss me, you should just do it." He smiled and started kissing me. It was nice for the first minute or so but then he started sucking on my lips like a vacuum cleaner.
I just toughed through it.
I visited him a second time, this time he was alone in his room. It was New Year's Eve and I was super lonely. I called my ex and he answered. I was seated in my car right outside Travis' house and had a small conversation with my ex that pulled at my heartstrings. Nonetheless, I walked into Travis' house and said we should have sex. I've never felt less genuine about this act before. Travis grabbed a condom and slipped it on. We were in spooning position and he slipped it in. I was still reeling from the conversation with my ex. He went in and out a couple of times but I couldn't go through with it any longer than that. I told him I had to leave and I apologize.
He said okay and walked me out. I was extremely embarrassed for leading someone on because I had a feeling Travis really liked me.
Person 4: A Bo-Tay Call
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
This man is probably one of the more prominent sexual partners I've had. At the time, he was the most well endowed man I was with. He was the cute guy at the office. Super nonchalant, had a sexy mystery to him. I had let my friends know that I thought he was adorable and the second I became single, my friends (in true high school fashion) decided to let him know by writing him an eloquent note that said, "Priscilla wants your balls."
I was 18 and they were around my age.
Bo reads it and laughs. I was extremely embarrassed. However, he approached me.
Bo: What your friends wrote was pretty funny. Me: I'm sorry, I didn't ask them to write that. Bo: Priscilla, right? Me: Yeah. Bo: Maybe we could go out to a movie soon? Me: Oh uh yeah, that sounds good to me. Bo: Okay great!
We exchanged numbers. A few nights later, we went to a movie date and he was about to drop me off at home. We decided to have another meet up, but this time, he decided he would take me to his home to watch something and have a few snacks.
I was bummed because I was on my period but I agreed, I shouldn't be sleeping with him on the second date anyways. We settled down on his couch where he put on Game of Thrones. Then, next thing I know, he's looking at me and since I saw him from the corner of my eye, I looked at him too. The second after I turned my head, he leaned in and started kissing me. I liked it a lot. It started getting pretty steamy, he reached for my pants and that's when I decided to come clean.
"I'm on my period," I whisper. He says, "That's okay." I was beyond excited, my period didn't ruin my chances! We had some pretty good sex, since so far, he was the biggest I've had. It hurt but in the best way possible. I went to his bathroom and there was blood all over me. I cleaned up and got ready to go home.
I hooked up with this guy at least 5 more times. It never went anywhere romantic because he wasn't interested in a relationship and although I was, I was also okay with not carrying it on any further than sex.
Person 3: The Fake Slim Shady
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
I still consider myself to be super lucky for meeting Stefan. He looked a lot like Eminem. Blue eyes, blonde buzz cut, and super adorable. I had moved to a new high school and this was during a time where Marcel and I were super turbulent due to the fact that he thought since I moved schools, he was free.
Anyways, Stefan and I met at the new high school. He was in my first period class for both schedules (block schedule) and the first time he saw me he said, "You're really cute!" I looked behind me to see who this guy was talking to and I met eyes with a very cute guy who was looking right at me.
"Me?" I asked, unbelieving.
"Yeah, you. Who else?"
Then, on the day of our first sexual encounter (I was 17 and so was he), we were sitting at a lunch table at a middle school and he kissed me. We kissed for a very long time and it was turning me on. He walked me back home and at my door, we made out some more. I guided his hand to my ass and he squeezed.
I told him I wanted to have sex. "I don't have a condom." I didn't care. This guy was the only guy I almost risked it for because the moment was in so much heat and I was extremely emotionally vulnerable. I said, "Control yourself then." We moved to the inside of my house and I sat down on the stairs and pulled his dick out. I put it inside of me and he went in and out twice, not enough for any true enjoyment.
"I'm sorry, I can't. I'll eat you out though." I wasn't going to force him to have sex with me and he had also just gotten out of a toxic high school relationship. So, I said, "Okay." I wasn't particularly excited by that because the past two people who have tried that sucked and I didn't feel anything. This guy had a tongue piercing though and it was the very first time I enjoyed oral. I enjoyed it a lot.
Person 2: High School Sweetheart
This is a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person. Marcel, 16 at the time, was my longest relationship. We are no longer together but our relationship started when I was just a few days shy of 16 years old. Our first time was interesting to say the least. At this point, we were both already 16. He was really nonchalant about being able to have sex with me. I told him he was going to have to wait because of what happened to me last time and he said, "Okay, no problem." Not the, "I want to respect your decision" kind of thing but more like, "I don't really care if we do or don't."
Anyways, that made me want to do it more because girls are weird. He agreed to do it. We planned to do it on a Wednesday during lunch time. We walked off campus to a nearby park and sneaked into the girl's restroom big stall.
There, we stood in front of each other. Marcel leaned in to kiss me, I kissed him back. This time, I knew what to expect. I took his clothes off and he took mine off. (He also had only one other partner.) He sat on the toilet (romantic, huh) and instructed me to sit on his dick. I aimed and sat, raising myself up and down. It didn't feel too good, it just felt like nothing again.
I was starting to wonder if sex wasn't all it's hyped up to be. Then, Marcel wrapped both arms around my legs and stood up while carrying me. He pinned me up against the bathroom wall, still carrying me, and continued the deed. I felt that and it felt good. I enjoyed sex for the very first time. It was great.
Marcel and I broke up 6 years later.
Person 1: The Virginity Taker
This will be a series of most of my sexual experiences in order of when they happened. I will only recount the first time with each person.
I had first met Derek when I was 13. He was 12. We met via mutual friends. He was visiting California from Hawaii for medical treatment. He had a rough spill on his dirt bike. He competed. He moved back to Kauai, Hawaii.
Anyways, we carried on a half assed long distance relationship for about a year and a half. He was cheating on me and honestly, I was too (once I found out he was.) And by cheating, at least on my part, it meant getting crushes on other boys. But we were so young. Then, he came back to California at the age of 13. He was going to be here for his 14th birthday. I was 15 and excited. Him and I talked about sex a lot. I had been wanting that kind of intmacy for a very long time but I knew I was too young. This time, I felt ready. I was scared but ready.
Derek, 13, and I, 15, went to the movies and he was already all over me. He was kissing me and shoved his hand down my pants and started to finger me. I liked it.
The next day, Derek and I went to the pool. He wanted me to wear a bikini but I was still too shy so I just wore normal clothes and didn't go swimming. In his pool clubhouse, he ate me out. I didn't dislike that but I also didn't like it either. It didn't really feel like much.
Then, the next day (a few days shy of Derek's 14th birthday), I went to his house and he was home alone. I knew this was the day. Derek sang me a song. I loved his voice. He sang me, "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Then, he took my hand and led me into a bedroom. He sat me on the bed and started to kiss me. I was thinking,"This is it. I'm going to lose my virginity." I let Derek position me as he liked. "Do you have a condom?" I knew that much. "Yeah, they're here." He slips on a condom and tells me they're flavored and if I wanted to try it. "No," I said. This dude was crazy, I wasn't going to put my mouth where pee comes out! He slid it inside of me and I felt nothing. Granted, this boy was 13 (almost 14, I must stress this) so he was probably not fully grown. It felt weird, not uncomfortable for the first couple of slides but from then, I didn't feel anything.
He did all the work, I just laid there. Then, it was over. We cuddled and I went back home.
Derek didn't talk to me for the rest of his trip and ignored me for about 6 months after our first (and only) time. It felt shitty to be ignored by the person I chose to give my virginity to.
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you.