What

Whoa, hey there cutie.

[happinessisawarmpuppy]

wish I was a teddy bear wearing a raincoat or some shit what the fuck

[muppetmagic]

the cullen family: edward PLEASE sit down and drink your deer blood, we know you hate yourself, we know you wish you were dead, we know bella shouldn’t love a heartless monster like you, we know you’ve been sentenced with damnation, we’ve heard you say this everyday for the past 109 years.

edward:

[majoraz]

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

i forgot how to properly talk to my parents so now that this lockdowns going on im on the ropes. i was waiting for my coffee to be done this morning and dad asked me what was up and i said the first thing that popped in my head, which was that ive been thinking ive never seen a funeral held at night, so i wanna have a night time funeral when i die cause that would be dope i think. he was like what the hell is wrong with you why would you just say that out of nowhere. can we please go outside soon

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

right? father was fuckin scandalized. i dont get people older than thirty man

[thisiselliz]

girls will call you just to be quiet on the phone

[ygaa]

comfortable silence is a love language

[tonightweredrinkingfromthebong]

gwen stefani was right when she said this shit is bananas

[metagnostic-deactivated20200809]

i am your microbiome and i will protect you.

[knightlyhoods-deactivated202404]

this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

[quaadude]

Me getting my name called to get my order at Starbucks

[holyth3firm-deactivated20200430]

kim jong un sends this to North Korean citizens every morning

[cnxbdjshehdhdhdh-deactivated201]

what’s your least favorite sign and why?

[teuer]

a stop sign, i gotta go places

[welele]

[freighthouseantiques]

[drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006]

what do u mean i don’t have a social life I just went grocery shopping with my mom

[sadmomhair]

what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?

[1010meha]

We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want

[soo-deactivated20220919]

[pafucore-deactivated20240909]

Aww I saw this on Facebook and thought it was way too good not to repost

[swoon-for-swopes]

[littlelarajean]

I actually would like to wear flowers and leaves in my hair every single day if that’s okay

[pokemon-personalities]

what’s he thinking about? i wish i knew