Maybe I'm better off dead

back up for @rockbottomwithashovel

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

This is how i feel

This is a sideblog, so if I follow you it's from a different account. This is also my back up for @rockbottomwithashovel

[nau-see]

i cant relate to anyone who doesn’t constantly hold suicide in the back of their mind like a glowing exit sign

[didebauchery]

Dude I wish I were faking my disorders, do you know how annoying it is to live like this? Lmao.

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

I would like to say, on behalf of all those who sh, if you see someone with cuts on their arms or legs, DON'T POINT IT OUT!!!! Seriously, it makes us feel so so much fucking worse, stop pointing it out, even if you're sympathetic. Asking if they're OK or something later, in private, fine, but don't keep asking, don't say shit in front of people and just leave me the fuck alone and let me wear a t shirt in summer

[anapurpledinosaur]

Venting to myself bc I dont have anyone else and I’m that pathetic

[th-dmltn-lvrs]

when you can’t find ur blade 😀

[hevaenlys-deactivated20230720]

I love you so fucking much but i won't tell you i cvt, you'll kill me if i told you. I hate it when you're dissapointed in me because i crave your validation

[imabee-oralizard]

Friendship Falling

I honestly don’t understand this. I don’t understand a lot in reality. But this truly confuses me. I’ve lost you and not to death. Then I’d still have a part of you. You left me though. Left by your own choice. You said it was my fault and I don’t know how. I wish I still had you. I still subconsciously go to tell you what happened right after. I want to tell you how horrible my days have been. Or because I talked to a guy. Or simply cause I saw a cute dog. But I can’t. I want to be able to erase pictures and items that are memories like people do after a breakup. But when you’ve known someone so long you can’t just erase it. Almost every camera roll memory I get is with you. I look at my posts, at my camera roll and I see you. I can’t erase the last 12 years of my life. I can’t erase the memories that arise when I see the book you gave me, or the cup I’ve been using daily without a thought. I can’t just make those things go away. I see a picture and then I remember, remember when we’d had fun together. Then the pain sets in when I realize that we won’t be able to make any good memories anymore. All the new memory’s will be through anger or pain. I didn’t know our friendship could end so tragically

11/28/22

Taglist- @curseofaphrodite @immrbrightsideeee

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

I don't wanna stop being a teenager. I don't know if I can handle aging past this. I don't want another year like this

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

Me, in a depression spiral, hitting repeat to a sad song:

[vexedhighness-deactivated202408]

WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING HOW DO I STOP RUINING IT ALL I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND STAY HAPPY

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

I am once more using music to bleed

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

I don't think anyone understands just how scared I am that last year was the best time of my life. That I may never feel like that again. That it's over. I don't know how to live if that was all there was

[privatethoughtsofscreamsforhelp]

The only thing that's constant in my life is my bed and even that's a mess

[frawgs]

oh u wouldn’t know her she goes to a different psychward

[destroyedlonelysoul]

[silverliningsandshit]

No one ever talks about how hard it is to trust yourself if you’ve been through trauma or are mentally ill. Not trusting others is a common assumption but what about not trusting your own mind. Not knowing which thoughts to believe. Not trusting that you will be able to go somewhere and not have a panic attack or ptsd episode or be triggered in general. Not trusting your actions because they’ve always been critiqued etc. Not trusting yourself is a new kind of hell that no one should have to experience.