the cooler portman

nick portman, jacob's cousin, disaster queer they/them

[problematic-librarian]

I'm not dead I just got lost in Wu Zhou China for a while. Had a lot of close calls but we're back now✌️

[frontmansdefender]

[problematic-librarian]

it's a good thing that i'm in charge of household finances over here because if i had to explain the amount of money i spent on cheese this past week miss p would cut me off. and this is not mention the time i bribed sharon into letting me into a loop in italy to get cheese there

[problematic-librarian]

One time when Jacob and I were like, 10-12 or something and at his house bored during a party, we decided to try shotgunning coke cans in the driveway. Neither one of us knew what we were doing and we were kind of just slurping it from the hole in the can, and then one of Jacob's uncles saw us from the window and sent his kids down to check on us. And that's how we learned to properly shotgun canned drinks

[problematic-librarian]

Are you still active?

I don't run 5k's anymore since my legs got fucked but yea

OH! You mean like on tumblr. Yes but I'm busy af these days

[problematic-librarian]

Cons of cold nights: can’t smoke out the window

Pros of cold nights: windowsill = free fridge to cool down beer

[problematic-librarian]

OOC: I'm putting Nick's blog on hiatus until I can adjust their character and flesh it out more. It's gonna be a busy week with my classes this week so don't expect any updates for a while

[problematic-librarian]

Three hours left of this double shift and then they get to take me out back and shoot me. and THEN i get to go home

[backmouthclaire]

@headmistress-peregrine you are aware me and most of the others see you as our mama right? I have called you my mama on multiple of my posts, are you just unaware of that?

[carnic-smokes]

Have you tried an undercut??, it’s basic getting a buzz cut but you only get rid of the hair where your neck is

[backmouthclaire]

Oooo, that's cool! @headmistress-peregrine can I get one? Please?

[problematic-librarian]

EVEN BETTER, I'll get the razor!!

[h0ll0wgasts]

So I’m not away that there’s another Portman that exists and is a hollow hunter…… I don’t like this @thelast-h0llowhunter tell your cousin that I have on interest in him

[problematic-librarian]

Jacob you better keep that fucking thing away from me

[h0ll0wgasts]

Never in my life did I think that I’ll get disrespected by some loser who isn’t even an actual peculiar

This is pathetic

[problematic-librarian]

@thelast-h0llowhunter is this one... safe? it seems pissed off. im not used to hollows that can communicate. and that don't want to eat me

[problematic-librarian]

damn. I come home from college, and not only is my cousin addicted to nicotine, went no-contact with the whole fam, and is hailed as the hero of peculiardom. AND he has a boyfriend. he's still a loser i'm just a lot more impressed by him now

[thelast-h0llowhunter]

WHO’S SAYS IM A NICOTINE ADDICT!!!, who’s lying about me NOW!!, the only nicotine addict that I know is Ricky NOT ME

Jesus Christ now many rumors are there about me…..

[problematic-librarian]

do you prefer the title of alcoholic?

[h0ll0wgasts]

So I’m not away that there’s another Portman that exists and is a hollow hunter…… I don’t like this @thelast-h0llowhunter tell your cousin that I have on interest in him

[problematic-librarian]

Jacob you better keep that fucking thing away from me

[problematic-librarian]

damn. I come home from college, and not only is my cousin addicted to nicotine, went no-contact with the whole fam, and is hailed as the hero of peculiardom. AND he has a boyfriend. he's still a loser i'm just a lot more impressed by him now

[backmouthclaire]

If someone can figure out how to keep my hair out of my mouth that would be great! Ooo, actually, can someone figure out backmouth-friendly hairstyles? I don't like it always being down and I can do most of the cute hairstyles because my backmouth will try to either chew on it or eat it :(

[problematic-librarian]

alright pick a couple and i'll start by learning those

[backmouthclaire]

I was more so looking for something I could do on my own... Also, my backmouth would chew on all of them... Or at least try to chew on all of them...

[problematic-librarian]

damn... back to the drawing board

[problematic-librarian]

spraying my cousin with bleach whenever he says something stupid

[problematic-librarian]

@thelast-h0llowhunter I've decided this is going to extend to when I catch you drinking or smoking in front of the kids 😊

[thelast-h0llowhunter]

Dude I barely smoke or drink near the kids and if I do it, I do it when I’m alone or with Ricky and Justin

@backmouthclaire I never smokes or drinker around you right??

[problematic-librarian]

wait I knew about Ricky but you have OTHER friends?

[backmouthclaire]

If someone can figure out how to keep my hair out of my mouth that would be great! Ooo, actually, can someone figure out backmouth-friendly hairstyles? I don't like it always being down and I can do most of the cute hairstyles because my backmouth will try to either chew on it or eat it :(

[problematic-librarian]

alright pick a couple and i'll start by learning those

[problematic-librarian]

spraying my cousin with bleach whenever he says something stupid

[problematic-librarian]

@thelast-h0llowhunter I've decided this is going to extend to when I catch you drinking or smoking in front of the kids 😊