PROCRASTIN888

Emails From Students And The Replies I Wish I Could Give Them

[procrastin888]

zero

sir why did i get 0 on the quiz?

My reply: Because you answered every fucking question wrong, you stupid moron.

[procrastin888]

all nighter

Hey sir, can you remind me what day I present on? I don't know when my oral is. Thanks, Eric

My reply: Eric, it's tomorrow. We also have a test on "The Body". By the way, you missed the best class of the year today. Too bad for you.

Mr. L

Eric's reply: Yeah, but I had the craziest sex of my life all night so I don't feel too bad about missing class.

My reply: Oh snap!

[procrastin888]

did not find

Good afternoon Mr. Livingston,

the story Omelas is not in the text book. I searched it but did not find. What do I do?

Thank you, Naomi.

My reply: What do you do? You open your fucking eyes and look again, you stupid idiot, because it’s in the goddamn textbook.

Best,

Mr. Livingston

[procrastin888]

re: fail?

hey sir I wanted to know if there was a certain point where if I dont come to class I automatically fail? thanks, joey

My real reply: Yeah you pretty much passed that point awhile ago.

[procrastin888]

power failer

Hi Mr. Livingston

I am pissed off because I woke up at 9:15 and my alarm didn't do its job. It did not ring!! Then I tried to understand why and the clock was set up at 12:00, then I got upstairs and the time was all set to 12:00 and flashing, so I believe I had a power failer. Well I am sure I had one but I don't know why!! can we find any arrangements because i could not arrive on time this morning for either the final writing production or my oral presentation.

Thanks for your comprehension, David Houle

My reply: 12:00 . . . 12:00 . . . 12:00 . . . 12:00 . . . 12:00 . . . 12:00 . . .

[procrastin888]

PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!!!!

Sir can you PLEASE!!!! edit my humanity essay I feel like it can be better and I couldn't think of any teacher but you pleas.... no PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!!!! you don't have to but if you do can you send it back to me. I wanted to see you personally today but you aren't here on Wednesday. P.S like I said you have to do it but if you do can you give it to me asap but like I said you don't have to do it. So here is the essay: (and here he attached his essay). 

if you can, can you send it to me before 10 thanks but like I said you don't HAVE to do it (but please help me out Mr. Livingston!!!).

My reply: Hahahahahaha. Shit son, you one funny motherfucker. 

Sincerely, 

Mr. L

[procrastin888]

not there mentally

hi sir: this is Navin Aswani from Eng 104. Due to some problems i don't feel good psychologically. I was just wondering if I could miss today's class. I know I can't miss this class but even if i come i wouldn't be there mentally. I hope you understand. It will be really appreciatted if you could just give me today's off. thank you

My reply: I haven't felt good psychologically in fifteen years Navin, so get your ass to class.

Best,

Mr. L

[procrastin888]

unless the advils do their job

Hi, I am sorry sir, I am really not feeling well this morning, I don’t think I will be able to come to my appointement with you today unless the advils really do their job. I sent you my rough draft in case. Thank you, Andrea

My reply: Thanks for telling me Andrea. Now I’m gonna tell you something. Because you made me come in early this morning my whole poop schedule is out of whack. I am like clockwork Andrea, okay? But I had to rush out the door and skip my morning squat just to fucking meet you. And now I’m here, and you’re not, and I missed my goddamn poop window. 

So FUCK YOU, Andrea.

Regards,

Mr. L

[procrastin888]

Big Fever / Hot Cold

Dear Mr. Livingston,

Sorry for not being in class today. I was sick all weekend and still sick up to this date. I could not make it to class because i have a hot fever and a big cold.

Hope to see you in good shape  on Thursday.

Shawn Senay

My reply: Well it's a good thing you don't have a big fever and a hot cold Shawn, 'cause then you'd seriously be fucked. 

Feel better soon!

Mr. L

[procrastin888]

An Indigestion of Sorts

Hi sir, I will not be in classe today, I don't feel well I have a pain in my stomach, probably an indigestion.

Sorry, Philip Lajoie

My reply: Hahaha. You stupid fuck. It's just gas. Have a good push and then get the fuck to class.

Sincerely,

Mr. L

[procrastin888]

Got that gastro

hi sir, I have to once again miss your amazing class because of gastro and would rather not throw up all over my desk. Im sorry, what will I be missing?

Your student Tamara

My reply: Hi Tamara, you'll be missing me call you a dumb drunk slut in front of the entire class. Feel better soon!

[procrastin888]

Re: class

Hi, I'll be missing today's class, I feel really bad. That's also why I missed tuesday class.

Thank you Steven

My reply: Thanks for the heads up Steven, you stupid stupid fuckhead.