Hold on to me - Binzo x reader
a/n: Hi, this is not a request or a planned fic.I was just feeling a little bad and wanted to write something. Actually this was for me.I wrote the character completely as myself and wrote it that way.I just needed something sweet and... Anyway :)
Sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes.English is not my main language so...
Warnings: idk, mention of suicidal thoughts, lots of depression and probably angst
After leaving school, Binzo was walking to the place where he always went and didn't tell anyone to get some rest. On his way, he bought some snacks from a market and stood in front of the tall construction, waving the bag in his hand.
It was dark, there was no one around, it was a quiet and beautiful night. He wanted to relax a bit while watching the stars. He quickly climbed the stairs of the empty construction and went up to the roof. But he saw something he did not expect.
On the edge of the roof, someone was smoking, with their feet dangling from the edge of the roof.It was a girl.
The young girl was just watching the city and smoking silently. Binzo was sure she wasn't here for a good reason.
He thought for a while what to do. Should he go? Should he talk to her? Would she throw herself down? Why was she here?
He had a lot of questions in his mind and the person sitting was aware of it. The young girl blew out the smoke from her cigarette and called out to him.
"I don't care if you want to stay, you can do whatever you want."
Binzo looked at her in surprise. Maybe he would have even had a fight if someone else had been in his place, but something inside him told him that this girl had a problem and he had to talk to her.
Binzo slowly came to the edge of the roof and sat next to the young girl.The city looked quite beautiful from here. Stars and sky too.
When the young girl finished her cigarette, she threw the cigarette butt down and lit another one. Binzo looked at her in surprise.His friend Mercy also smoked, but not that often.
"Aren't you too young to smoke?"
The young girl smiled and looked at him.She had cried, her eyes were red. Maybe it was from cigarette smoke, he thought.
"This isn't my first cigarette, don't worry.I'm also an adult."
Binzo nodded to the young girl's cold demeanor. But it wasn't like that, it didnt feel right.He felt as her true voice was quite warm and alive.
Binzo raised an eyebrow as the young girl looked at Binzo with the question she had heard.And Binzo grinned:
"It won't be my first cigarette, don't worry."
Y/n gave a sarcastic smile and handed him the pack of cigarettes.Binzo took a cigarette and lit it.He looked at the pack of cigarettes again and smiled.
"Are you rich? Cigarettes are pretty expensive these days. Especially these ones."
Y/n shook her head silently
"I don't really care about money when I'm buying things that will kill me."
Binzo was taken aback by the strangeness of the answer.But he didn't say anything.For a while, they both smoked in silence and watched the city lights.
"Kouzou, but people call me Binzo."
Y/n gave him a weird look and nodded
"Why are you here? Isn't it too high?"
Y/n laughed and shook her head.
"I think you know why I'm here. Isn't that why you wanted to sit next to me, Binzo?"
Binzo smiled.He nodded and sighed.
"What's wrong? Did your boyfriend break up with you? Or have you lost someone?"
Y/n was disturbed by the young boy's concerned gaze.She hated when someone pityed her and tried to help her. She just shrugged.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk. But I'm a stranger, right? I don't even know if I'll ever see you again.I can't tell your secrets to anyone."
Binzo also smiled and shook his head.He spoke while looking at the buildings opposite.
"Sometimes it's hard, right? Living, laughing, walking, breathing... When you can't find anything to hold on to.... So I won't ask you why you're here. But if you want to talk, if you want someone to listen to you, I'm here."
When the young boy turned to y/n, he saw her eyes filled with tears. But he didn't say anything.Y/n smiled and looked at him.But Binzo spoke again in a serious tone.
"Dont smile." Y/n looked at him in surprise. "Don't smile. You don't have to smile, if you want to cry, just cry. You don't owe anyone a smile."
Y/n shook her head at Binzo's words and let the tears flow. And Binzo didn't say anything for a while, waiting for her to calm down.
"I don't know what's wrong," y/n said quietly. "Or I don't know which is the bigger problem. But I think the biggest problem is this hatred of myself."
"Why do you think you hate yourself?"
"The person I see in that f*cking mirror... I want her to disappear."
"If that's what you think because those cool handsome men don't tell you you're beautiful, I can tell you. I'm pretty cool one too."
Y/n laughed a little and rolled her eyes.
Y/n smiled and nodded.Binzo continued.
"I won't try to convince you. Because fake compliments won't interest you. Or you'll think I pity you. Unless you dont believe that, no one can make you believe Y/n."
Y/n nodded again and sighed.
"Besides... I don't think that's the only problem."
Y/n smiled and nodded again.
"Sometimes I don't understand what's going on either. Insults, bullying, rude things said as jokes, various evils... I feel like I'm strong for all of them, but I guess it's not enough. I realize that my smiles are fake now. I can't feel love. I see myself as a burden to everyone. There are dozens of my friends.... or so I think.”
Binzo was listening quietly to the young girl, knowing that she was full and wanted to talk.She was just tired and angry.
"I'm tired of smiling around people all day and staring blankly at the ceiling at night. The urge to kill myself is growing in my head and I'm… I'm scared."
Binzo clenched his jaw when he heard the young girl's voice tremble towards the end.
"I... I love living, Binzo. I have dreams. I always got the best grades, I tried hard to fulfill everyone's expectations for me. But I feel like this life is not mine... I'm tired of shaping my life and myself with their wishes."
Binzo was now sure that she was crying. He shifted a little to one side and closed the gap between them. He patted the young girl's back while she was crying. She continued to tell and cry for a while.
Both were aware.Binzo knew he cant find a solution, and y/n knew he cant help her.But it still felt good not to be alone.
After a while, when Y/n wiped her eyes with her hand, Binzo reached the bag next to him and handed her the chocolate he had bought for himself. As Y/n laughed with teary eyes, Binzo smiled and patted her back.
"You're strong y/n and the only thing to hold on to is that strength. I know you're tired, but hold on tight to yourself."
Y/n now realized how beautiful the young boy was looking at her.Binzo smiled at the girl who was looking at him in surprise and patted her head.
"Hold on to me when there's nothing left to hold on y/n, I'll be there."
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