Pokémon Professor

I'm not your fucking dad

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #16

If someone offers you a trade for one of your Pokémon, just remember all of the good times you had with it. Remember catching it, the first time you took it to the Pokémon Center, the first time you used a Potion on it, maybe even the first time it started warming up to you and thinking of you as more than a trainer, but as a friend. Then throw that Pokémon in the trash or whatever, I don't care. I only ever seem to own three of the most common Pokémon at one time, and I give two of them away, so what do I know about sentiment.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #15

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabra

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #14

When you enter a new building, make sure to look in every possible trash can for some cool items. You might not find anything, but at least you can dunk your head in a trash can for few seconds and be a garbage emu.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #11

Remember, you’re never too old to be a Pokémon trainer, but unless you’re a 10-year old or a 30-year old, you shouldn’t bank on being anyone significant in the Pokémon world. Just stick to berry farming or bug hunting.

[professor-oa]

Have You Met My Nephew?

His name is.... Uh.... H-his name is, Crumpus... Bingus... Gingus... Gordy... Gerardo... ... Oh no. I've done it again. This happens every time, please forgive me. I don't remember his name. I shouldn't have tried to drink that Super Potion earlier to get rid of my migraine. Why don't you name him, I'm going to take a nap.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #10

If you happen to be in the Hoenn Region, and you're trying to hatch an egg, head on over to the hot springs in Lavaridge Town. There are a couple of old ladies there that will make your Pokémon just as uncomfortable and willing to get out as you are.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #9

You know those ledges that you see along the roads everywhere? The ones that look like them might go somewhere? Well a Pokémon can climb a 50-foot rock wall, but nobody can get the two feet over one of those fuckers.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #8

Escape Ropes are really helpful when you're lost in a cave and don't know how to get out. In fact, the only time they aren't really useful is when you enter the Abyss™

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #7

Don't walk in the tall grass without a Pokémon of your own, or you'll be attacked by a wild one. And then you'll probably need to go to the hospital. Of course, I wouldn't tell that to a child.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #6

If someone is wearing a lab coat, that probably means they are a scientist. But if they aren't wearing glasses or goggles, don't trust them, because they are not respecting proper lab safety procedures and are also probably Team Rocket.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #5

Please don't fuck the Pokémon

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #4

This Valentine’s Day, get your significant other a Luvdisc, because nothing says “I love you” like a useless heart-shaped fish.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #3

Remember to always carry Repel in your bag whenever you go out. It won't stop trainers from fighting you, but if your Pokémon are low on health, it's better than getting mauled by a Pidgey.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #2

If your Pokémon faint during a battle, you could always puss out and flee to a PokéCenter. If it’s a trainer battle, throw some money at the opponent to distract them, kind of like you’re at a strip club.

[professor-oa]

Trainer Tip #1

If you're having trouble catching a Pokémon, try a Body Slam for a chance to paralyze it. If that doesn't work, you could always try using one of your Pokémon instead.

[pokemon-gogogo]

[ripyzma-deactivated20141217]

professor oak do you know anything about pokemon at all

[professor-oa]

I don't know a fucking thing, my guy.