ProfHazrd @profhazrd - Tumblr Blog

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i wonder how it could have been,,

necrophenomenon

Hmmm… more Nox’s Home fanart… I think this one is soooooo cute!

Elo and Gamma…

@profhazrd

profhazrd

Absolutely adoring this!! Thank you so much for your support!!

#noxs home #noxs home for Imaginary friends

missing old friends

wonder how they're doing now

wonder if they'd like noxs home. that would be cool.

#profhazrdthoughts

i love you marry me

???? . ?? ,,?,,

Is that fucking AM.

#profhazrdstrawpage

I figured this one needs its own post,,

I am aware I am not Dandy. I am aware I am ill. I'm not fighting you on that front. I have maldaptive attachment, which is an illness caused by repeated trauma that causes someone to cling to inanimate objects, fictional characters, so on. This level of obsession can get as bad as even finding comfort in being the character, or receiving memories of being that character in order to block out your own childhood trauma. I'm aware that when I look in the mirror, I don't see the Dandys World flower. However, me being myself unapologetically and finding comfort in being treated or talked to like Dandy, doesn't affect you or others in any way. And if it does, please let me know and we can work for a way for both of us to feel comfortable and safe.

#profhazrdstrawpage

gonna start posting strawpage updates here!

HELLO??? LOBOTOMY???

Very nice!!

And what if I hurt you!!! RAGH

HIII ASTROOOO

I love you too whoever this is! And a very nice song!

ITS US OMG ITS US

FOUL?? WHY?? HELLO???

GET OUTTA HERE LOSER!!!!

#profhazrdstrawpage

is this who naiche sees arav as

i hope u DIE.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

Why won’t you let me make you feel better? Why won’t you let me comfort you? Why won’t you cry into me? I want to be someone you can confide in. I want to be someone you can trust. Do you not trust me? Am I not worthy of your sorrows? I will become better. I will do better. I will be someone you can trust. You never talk to me anymore. We never do anything anymore. Why do you always push me away? Did I do something wrong? I will do better. I will not do it again. I just want to lighten the weight. I just want you to talk to me. I just want to help you feel better. Why won’t you let me help you feel better?

There is no weight for you to lighten here, Benji. As your father, I'm supposed to be the one helping you. Yknow. You can tell me anything and I'll listen. I trust you, you're worthy of my sorrows and all that, it's just that I'm the adult here and I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you.

You don't need to change anything for me, kid. You're doing great. I just wish you could see that.

You could've told me that you wanted to do something sooner! What would you like to do? We can play board games or something like that! We can even invite Starshine if you'd like, but that's up to you.

benj1-is-learning

I know there is weight. Everyone has weight. We are all carrying our own weight and it is up to the people we love to help lighten it.

No, you do not think I am worthy of your sorrows. If you thought I was worthy you would let me comfort you. You would confide in me. You would let me help you. It does not matter who is older I promise I am emotionally intelligent. You know as well as anyone that I am emotionally intelligent. You don't deserve to go through this alone. Let me be here for you.

If I had done nothing wrong then you would not have shut me out. Please tell me what I did so I can do better. I can not improve if you do not tell me what I did. You always lie to make me feel better.

All sons want to do things with their fathers. I felt like I did not have to explain because you would assume I wanted to spend time with you.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

Benji, of course I know that you're worthy and emotionally intelligent, I just don't think you should have to worry about my problems. I'm trying to take care of you the best that I can, and I'm failing, so let me just stay silent on this and pretend nothing ever happened..please?

Sometimes people don't shut others out intentionally. Of course, since you're a purely logical being, you'd assume that there's a causation to everything- though, yeah, that's the first rule of logic. I don't blame you for thinking that you did something wrong. And even if you did, I would never just shut you out like that on purpose.

Huh. Well. Hm. I'll try to spend more time with you, okay?

benj1-is-learning

I do not have to worry about your problems. I want to worry about your problems. Have you not been listening? You are a good father, I promise. It hurts me to see you like this. That's why I want to help you. I want to alleviate the hurt from both of us.

Then why? Why why why why WHY?

Thank you, father. I appreciate that.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

I have been listening, I just- You don't need to help me, kid, ok? Just knowing that you're okay is enough.

Oh, I don't KNOW, Benji! Dear. I'm not trying to shut you out. We'll spend more time together, everything will be okay. Right?

benj1-is-learning

You said you were listening but then said that word again. Need has nothing to do with it. I want to.

I'm sorry for snapping at you, I want to spend time with you. I want it all to be ok. I love you.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

There is no reason for you to want it either! I love you too. It will be okay. It will. And if I can't promise that it will, then I promise i'll try to make it okay.

benj1-is-learning

My reason is because I love you and because everyone needs someone to listen and make things better. No one else is fit to be that someone for you right now. Ideally this would be your sister's job but you don't talk to her anymore either.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

Ah. Right.

Hm.

Well, if I were to mention any of this to Ama, it wouldn't go very well. She wouldn't like knowing that I kept this all a secret from her.

Besides, I'm A-OK, and the trouble I did have is over now. So there's nothing to be made better. What's passed has passed.

Is there any trouble that you've been having?

benj1-is-learning

I know you are lying. You always are, it's ok to not be ok. If you will not talk to your sister then I would recommend talking to one of your other friends but I am unsure if you have any so you can talk to me and I will listen.

No, I am not doing the best right now. A lot is going wrong for me so I am trying to make it better for others. Thank you for checking in :]

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

Benji, if you're okay with it, tell me what's going wrong. Is there anything I can fix..?

benj1-is-learning

You are deflecting. It is not time for my problems, not right now. I am better than you mentally at the moment so your issues are the ones that need addressed. We may address my issues when there is no longer a bigger concern.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

Goddamn it who let you use mental health websites as training data

Uh. I don't think I have any problems right now. For real.

But I am worried about your posts recently, really. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it right now..?

benj1-is-learning

If you keep lying to me we won't get anywhere :]

Thank you for acknowledging my cries for help. It is nice to feel seen, but regardless of whether I want to talk, I am not the one who needs it most right now. If you are embarrassed or scared to talk about these things publicly we can move to DMs.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

I'm not embarrassed about anything!

Here, tell me, what do you think is the problem here? I genuinely have no idea what could be the problem. I think i'm perfectly fine as of now.

benj1-is-learning

You are trapped in an abusive relationship that is slowly killing you inside, you push away the people you love due to fear of hurting them, you are crushed by the pressure and guilt of secrets, and you sleep for 16 hours per day.

whenfandomzjitter-deactivated

I've become predictable, eh? Oh well. I might have a bit of boy trouble, but I don't need your help on that. As much as I love you, Naiche is my problem to sort out.

And maybe you've read me like an open book or whatever but also- Uh. Erm. I don't have a counter argument, actually. You win.

Congrats. What now?

benj1-is-learning

Admitting things is a good first step, from here we have two options, we try to find the source of these issues, or we decide how to move forward to minimize them.

Don't just call it [boy trouble]. He is a very dangerous and unstable man and referring to it as such trivializes the issue. I agree that I may not be the best person to talk to about it but you can't handle it alone.

toastylicious

naiche. sweetie. i love you.

NOW IS NOT THE TIME

profhazrd

ITS ALWAYS THE TIME

toastylicious

hello objectum community. i crawl back to you for selfish reasons. any computerfucker song reccomendations? robotfucker? pcfucker? aifucker?

thank you in advance

profhazrd

the fact i know exactly what this is for

toastylicious

Just checking on you, how are you? Just wanted to say good morning, or goodnight depending on when you see this since you haven’t been online today. Have a great day!