PROJECT RUNAWAY

gloria | california | designer this is my self expression collection. even the worst things have something to love in them. even the prettiest smiles have the saddest stories to tell. these are my sad stories. my happy stories. my collections of day-to-day things i love and things i love to hate. i find pleasure in the imperfections of life, the mischief that is found in detail, and the comfort in a bottomless cup of coffee. i have an unrequited fascination with empty rooms and architecture. my ultimate goal in life? making a home. my life is all about designing a map that leads me to a structure i can call mine. this would make my life complete. through art, expression, design, and strong relationships i plan on working for this goal. so follow along as i ramble & share with you the little nothings i find along the way. oh, and hi. name's gloria & i like to make things pretty. p.s. selling cool stuff on society 6, see link below.

[latenightcornerstore]

When he says He doesn’t love you anymore, Roll your shoulders back And look him in the eye Smile And ask him why he didn’t leave you sooner. Tell him that there are boys Who would be proud to say they’d loved you. Tell him that in two years You won’t even remember his name If he did not know how to love you the first time, He won’t know how to do it the next.

from How To Pretend It Doesn’t Hurt, by Ashe Vernon (via aauroraskies)

[projectrun-away]

i feel broken inside knowing i’ll never be with you again. it’s hard to verbalize to anyone, so i cry by myself and talk out loud hoping you hear me. sometimes i hope i can feel your soft hands holding mine again. no heart break measures up to losing you, the monument of my whole life. my heart is broken still, and i always cry alone. i can’t stop. i miss you, my sweet and perfect grandma. i wish i could say this was going better than it is but it’s more awful that i ever imagined. i love you, i love you, i love you.

[citizen-of-space]

[projectrun-away]

i’m becoming more stressed as my third job begins to get busy for the upcoming wedding season. and i don’t know, i’m not sure how i feel about it anymore. the labor is outweighing the love and i have a feeling i might need to take it easy before i want to stop altogether. and saying that scares me because for the longest time my plan was to hopefully do this full time, as my only job... but i don’t know. maybe the thought of going back to being a small business scares me. yes, my corporate job pains me to no end but i know that i have security. i guess i will have to think about what kind of sacrifice i am willing to make before deciding anything.

[allthingseurope]

Monaco (by Gilles Poyet)

[orwell]

photographed by Ben Toms for Vogue China, November 2017

[projectrun-away]

silence i’ve gone a full day of not speaking to him. a full day of silence. a full day of letting my eyes well up just enough with tears and mastering the art of never letting them fall. last night he did not come home until 3am and i don’t know what is supposed to happen next. I keep counting to 10, taking deep breaths and continue to tell myself to give it time. I have no words and I have no reason to force him to talk to me. none of that has worked in the past and I am done begging for transparency. things just keep getting harder and I don’t want to stop trying, but I feel like keeping to myself is the best fight I have. I don’t know. 

[projectrun-away]

i get so mad sometimes, impatient and bossy. i take things out on him, and sometimes lose myself in my thoughts. but he brings me out of that, he makes me better and reminds me who i am when my doubts become too much. he takes care of me like no one ever has except my self. he understands the value of hard work, kindness and family. the most mundane things with him become the most fun and i can honestly say my life is richer with him by my side. i am so thankful and beyond happy to share my life with someone who loves me like he does. i don’t say it enough, but i love you with all of my heart and am so proud of who you are and that you choose to share that person with me.

[projectrun-away]

fabricated

sometimes i feel like you don’t understand my anxiety and depression because it’s not something you’ve experienced yourself. in that way, it seems like some kind of made up hysteria in your eyes because you cannot fathom that someone can be happy and sad at the same time. or crying for a reason they cannot make words for. but a few days ago, you held me as i cried for no reason. i told you that i didn’t understand why i was crying and you told me it was okay and that it happens sometimes. since that, i have stopped believing that the man i love didn’t understand the demons in my head. until last night, when i mentioned my depression. and you shook your head as you said the word, “fabricated.” now is that just some asshole remark you said to hurt me or did you really mean it? my heart breaks with the strong feeling that you’re just saying what you’ve been thinking all along. and the man that held me in the hallway last week was just a dream.

[knowing]

[dispame-blog]

[escapingfromtheordinary]

[traveler-in-the-world]

[synqra]

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.

Oprah

[projectrun-away]

bad friend

my aunt used to come in to town from arizona and leave without letting me know she was even here in the first place. i used to feel so hurt she didn’t bother to see me. one time she came in, and she did make plans so i met up with her and we had a great day, and she mentioned that she doesn’t want me to post any photos on facebook because people find she’s in town and get offended (like i was) that she didn’t see them. at that point i sort of understood but now, a few years later i feel like it’s come full circle. i came home to merced for christmas and literally had plans every. single. day. from morning to evening we were just fitting in plans with family. and now i have a really good friend pissed at me for not making time to see her, and she’s just not even close to understanding how hard it is when you come home and have to see all your family and try to fit in visits with a friend. i feel horrible to hurt someone’s feelings, because i understand where she’s coming from, but i’m not sure what i can do about it now. i guess not share things on facebook? i don’t know.

[projectrun-away]

ok google search for your fucking brain