He rolled his eyes at James’ indignant denial of him kissing back, but in a way, Severus wondered if they were both aware of the fact that it was a lie. Otherwise, why would James have reacted in such a way? But then again, why did Severus even care? He didn’t care what James thought of him, or of what happened, or anything that mattered in Potter’s life. “Yes, I’m aware of the fact that I made the mistake of kissing you, of all people out there. Something will haunt me for the rest of my life. We covered that about two minutes ago. Or did you forget already?” he replied matter of factly. He could feel his cheeks may have been starting to feel flushed once more, but surely it was from the exasperation over anything else.
“Use magic on you?” he echoed. “And risk you punching me in the face again? I’ll pass,” he replied carefully, though he knew it was a lame answer. But he didn’t have an answer to James’ question, because in truth, he didn’t know why his first instinct had been to kiss James Potter in the middle of their fight, over anything else. It frustrated him and made him angry and disgusted all in one swoop. And as much as he thought he should try to come to the conclusion of what motivated him to do so, there was another side of him that wondered if he should let it be. “Besides, I figured you of all people would understand doing something idiotic without thinking it through, considering that’s how you approach your entire life.”
Severus let his voice trail off, before he belatedly realized that even though he’d attempted to put space between the two of them, James has all but eliminated it when he grabbed onto his robes. “I thought I told you to get your hands off me,” he repeated lowly, glancing down at where James’ hands were still fisted into the fabric of his robes, before looking the other right in the eye. Although he wasn’t above physically pushing James away, he was aware that this was a library and doing so would just manage to draw more attention to them - as well as the fact that the two of them engaging their last physical altercation was how they ended up in this mess right now. “Was there a reason as to why you felt the need to talk to me like this, because if so, then get to the point now.”
James sputtered, rage coloring over the little bit of sense that was trying to keep control of the situation before him, “How can you ju- Doesn’t it bother y- Why did-” He couldn’t find the right words, and his frustration was pouring out of his eyes at the Slytherin before him, praying that even though it was an unreasonable and completely unfair expectation, that he might understand. For too long James had been carrying around the weight in his chest, only becoming aware of its strain after Severus kissed him- what the other viewed as a mere silencing tactic was a gateway for James, and now he didn’t know what to do.
“You’re good with spells, Snape.” He mumbled, “You could’ve stopped me and we both know it.” James didn’t dare bring up just how good with spells Snape was though, his memory still haunting him of how he had used a spell of Severus’s creation against him only a short time ago. Where the though of Severus Snape dangling by his ankle once brought him a perverse pleasure and ego trip, now it merely caused him to feel waves of shame washing over him. There was so much pressure on James to be twelve different people at once,and none of the pressure on him was to be the big bad wolf, a role he had willingly chosen against someone who hadn’t asked for it.
He looked down at his hands, knuckles gleaming white in comparison to the stark black robes. Almost immediately James released him, his face turning into that of disgust at his own hands. What was wrong with him? He looked at Severus, eyes wild and pleading and though he knew he was asking too much of Someone who owned him less than nothing he couldn’t help but open his mouth and let it come out regardless. “I don’t understand why. I need to understand why- and I think it was more than what you’re saying” He hated the desperate edge to his voice, and knew he was only allowing it of himself due to their circumstances. “It’s just important, okay?”