ひとりぼっちのパレード @properparadox - Tumblr Blog

We haven't even reached half of January but

A look back on 2025

Hi again, long time no see, Tumblr. There are, probably, lots of changes around here, for the space and the people as well. But here I am, still chugging along with my life.

Things started fine this year. Enjoyed a great New Year's Eve in a new way. Went to Ciwalk with @vanilachocolate , saw a merry-go-round, and she enjoyed it so much. Had a chance to work in Padang, which became the first of several flights I took this year, which is something new, I should say. Oh, and went to Tangerang with wife and traced back her past, both good and bad.

Then come Ramadhan, the first after getting married. It was great, that I don't have to be alone during iftar and suhoor, but now, it was a team effort. It was this holy month that I got a terrible news, that my Old Man was hospitalized, following several trips to the ER. I went back home, alone, without knowing what would happen.

Previously, when Ma had called that the Old Man fell ill, I didn't think much. He didn't have many issues with his health all this time. Probably just stomach acid reflux due to fasting. But then everything just crashing down, he was getting too weak. At the ER, the doctor asked for all the family to gather. And so I went.

All I knew, he had been in the thin side. But when I saw him again that evening, I was flabbergasted - he was, well, skin and bones. I had a difficulty believing what I saw back then was real, even now. Ma and I talked with a junior doctor handling this case, who happened to be our neighbor several years ago. Kidney injury which lead to issues in the brain. Oh yeah, when I first saw him, even when he woke up, he did not recognize me and his wife, and he was unable to speak. The same night, I waited at his side when he finally had his first (of many) dialysis. I stayed for a few days, at least until he was stable enough, and Ma & Big Bro could handle things on their own.

Come Eid, he regained most of his consciousness, and as me and my wife arrived at the hospital, turned out that day we were bringing him back home. At least he looked better, and could talk, although he was still very weak.

Then, the next task was to find a hospital/clinic to continue his dialysis. Where we lived, there are several hospitals, so I was convinced we would find one easily. Turned out, well, there was a very high demand for dialysis, and all hospitals and clinics we called were full. Luckily, @vanilachocolate found a clinic with one available spot. Since then, Old Man would go to the clinic, twice a week, for a dialysis.

When the next blood tests arrived, I thought, well, his numbers were getting better, perhaps we would not need the dialysis anymore, but the doctors said that he should continue.

Then, after a while, he crashed again. Chest pain. Another visit to the ER. When I was at a meeting, the call came. Ma was crying. I couldn't think of anything, other than I had to go back home.

Honestly, when I was writing this, it was so hard to continue writing about what happened after all this. Perhaps I was overwhelmed, or perhaps writing about terrible loss just mentally blocked me from everything else.

...

Okay, finished dealing with some stuff at work. So let's talk about work now.

This year was also marked with several long distance work trips. As a person who live and grow up in Java, I thought I would never feel out of place in this nation, until I arrived in Batam. Everything was just so different here, like I was not in the same country. Though, after twice going there, I did want to see Singapore.

But, it turned out, Batam was nowhere as different as Malinau, North Kalimantan. A sudden request sent me to this huge Kabupaten near Malaysian border. When I landed in Malinau after a short transit in Balikpapan, I thought it would be followed by two hours of car ride on asphalt, oh how I was so wrong. Just outside the city center, the road was turned to a grueling muddy road for almost two hours.

When I arrived at the site, even Telkomsel had almost no signal. And all those efforts were eventually rendered meaningless since the equipment we brought suddenly refused to work properly. Later, I found out that the Kabupaten was so huge and the road network practically nonexistent, that there are several scheduled flights (of course, with those small propeller aircraft) from the city center to various corners of the Kabupaten.

For me, getting to these places did bring some harsh realities on living in this nation. When I lived in Jakarta, public transport were so extensive you don't have to have a motorcycle. Being in Bandung with dire public transport, almost everyone relies on private transport. However, in Malinau, even with your own car or motorcycle, you would need several hours of rough, unlit roads to get to the city center. And that's just for transport.

So, how's being married after more than a year? Well, despite some fights and bickering, it's always great to be with someone you love and who loves you. We learned to live with our differences. I started to enjoy some K-Dramas she enjoyed, and she also enjoyed various Japanese meals we had tried.

Since we have tried many tourist spots in Bandung, we started going further and further. Going to a friend's wedding meant that we began to explore the sides of Jakarta we both haven't really known: West Jakarta. Jakarta Aquarium was great, and Central Park really was a place like nothing we ever went to. And at the end of the year, I brought her along to a work trip to Yogyakarta. Even before the 'work' started, we decided on a whim to go to a beach in Gunungkidul, then after I finished with work, we went to Solo to see Lokananta, all by motorcycle. It was a bit reckless (since the distance was really far and we were so tired) but super fun trip.

Well, since the last part was about fun stuff, let's end this on a high note, shall we? The year 2025 had everything, from exciting moments to the boring ones, and from the fun stories to the terribly sad ones. While some things still hangs heavy inside me, I think I should not let them be the only thing that I keep from 2025.

While we all just started 2026, let's hope that this year will be kind to us all.

Before -

After -

Akhirnya punya kesempatan buat ganti keycaps.

Beruntung juga nemu yang harganya murah dan bagian hurufnya transparan, walau ternyata transparannya juga kurang kelihatan, kecuali kalo lightingnya dibikin maksimum atau berada di ruang yang gelap. Lighting buat keyboard mekanik yang gw pake posisinya ada di sisi bawah, jadi kalau hurufnya yang transparan posisinya di sebelah atas, kurang kelihatan. Dari situ gw akhirnya paham kenapa beberapa keycaps sekarang tulisan hurufnya ada di sisi bawah.

Namun karena murah, ada yang kurang pas juga. Keycaps yang gw pake layoutnya full size, sementara keyboardnya sendiri ukurannya 75%, jadi sebagian keycapsnya ngga kepake, atau ngga cocok sama ukurannya. Selain itu juga ternyata profilnya lebih tinggi dibanding keycaps bawaan keyboard. Masalah lainnya, beberapa tombol fungsi yang diakses pakai Fn (di keyboard ini, Home/End, pemilihan koneksi pakai Fn) juga nggak kelihatan lagi.

Tapi sejauh ini belum ada masalah di fungsi, hasil typing test juga kurang lebih sama.

Di saat-saat gini, gw cuma bisa mengenang beberapa tahun ke belakang, di mana timnas ngalahin Malaysia dan Singapore di AFF 2020 dalam pertandingan yang seru banget, di mana timnas mulai kualifikasi Piala Asia dari babak Play-off lawan Taiwan dan kualifikasi Piala Dunia dari babak pertama lawan Brunei, di mana timnas bisa ngalahin Kuwait di kandang lawan, di mana timnas U-23 bisa ngalahin Korsel U-23 dalam drama adu penalti, di mana timnas senior rajin menang push rank lawan negara yang rankingnya lebih tinggi, di mana Vietnam bisa dibantai di kandangnya, di mana Arab Saudi bisa dikalahkan meskipun di kandang sendiri.

Jujur, gw sedih banget saat STY dipecat, apalagi dengan cara yang menurut gw ga layak. Bagi gw, STY mampu membuat kita bisa berharap segitu tingginya. Sekarang gw ga bisa berharap apa-apa ke PK, karena sejauh ini dia ga bisa buktiin kalo dia lebih baik dari yang ia gantiin. AFF berikutnya, mungkin kita bisa bersaing, karena beberapa pemain keturunan udah pindah ke Liga 1 atau liga Asean lainnya, tapi untuk selain itu, ya sudahlah.

vanilachocolate

Happy anniv! @properparadox 🫶🌻

properparadox

Wishing for more joyous days in the second year~

There was a saying, something along the line of "Money may not buy you happiness, but it sure does buy you a better quality of misery."

Like, a massive house that you don't really live in. Or an expensive car that you can't even drive. Or perhaps a fake degree that, perhaps, if you insist hard enough, may turn into a real one.

But hey, who are we to judge? Peasants like us should just go back to the farm or something, right? Maybe, just maybe, if we try hard enough, someday in the future, we will be able to buy our own fake degree.

Jam 00.00: baru beresin kerjaan dan keluar pabrik, masih agak teler abis nginep di pabrik semalam sebelumnya. Sebadan-badan lengket dan bau keringat. Perjalanan ke tempat menginap sekitar 45 menit.

Jam 01.30: udah duduk di pinggir gerbang tol, nunggu bus balik ke Bandung, udah agak seger tapi masih tetep agak teler.

Rasa-rasanya bakal tidur sepanjang jalan, ditemani sakit kepala karena kurang tidur. Tapi gapapa, demi @vanilachocolate ~~

It seems like, no matter how much detective books you've read, will never prepare you when you have to act like one.

Being a detective is no easy feat, indeed. At least I am blessed with a great partner, @vanilachocolate

All in all, just wish that something good will come out of it, folks.

Lagi makan di suatu resto di rest area, lalu:

Pingin ketawa aja gitu rasanya.

vanilachocolate

Holaaaaaaaa ~

Hehehehe. Alhamdulillah, udah jadi nikah sama om-om lahiran 93 yang tidak lain tidak bukan mas @properparadox . Alhamdulillah manusia satu ini, masih hidup dan waras di harinya. Walau, sebelum di makeup sempet kerokan dulu. Karena tidak lain tidak bukan, sudah mulai berasa masuk angin dan eneg pas sarapan.

Abis ijab ngerasa bersyukur sih udah nikah setelah selesai s2. Ntah kenapa mikir gitu. Pokoknya kaya "makasih yaak ya allah udah boleh s2, terus baru nikah," gituu.

Makhluk introvert yg suka di goa dan pojokan kamar ini bisa profesional seharian pas akad + resepsi. Terbukti setelah dipuji sama buibu kosidahan yang katanya aku sepanjang acara senyum mulu, foto-foto mulu. Padahal dalam hati pas lagi mingkem tuh "ya allah, udah geraah. Ya allah kok orangnya banyak yaa, ya allah ini kapan kelarnyaaa, lelah betul sudaaah " terus minum paracetamol di tengah-tengah acara karena sakit kepala.

Tapi kelar kawinan, sorenya dah nangis. Tentu karena kelakuan sodara hamba di rumah yg bikin pingin mengamok saja. Dan beneran ngamok tentuuuu. Sudahnya menangis ehehehe. Udah keselnya di ubun-ubun. Kaya "apa sih looo bocah kelakuannyaaa lhoooo. Ngga paham banget manusia satu ini abis berusaha sebaik-baiknya yaa jadi penganten sehari..."

Fotonya belum dikirim sama fg. Jadi seadanyaa tapi kusuka ehehe. Terus kemarin juga seneng liat temennya mas langsung mengenali. Kaya berasa aku juga temen lamanya padahal baru ketemu 😆

Melihat diriku yang di makeup, aku senang hehe. Like "maneh cantik ugaaa ternyataaaaaaaaa" hehehe ✌️ tapi ku belum bisa makeup 🙃

Near where I live, there is a short stretch of dark alley. While I was walking in it, I happened to look up, and there, I could see lots of small white dots. Stars, like glitter in the sky. They were so beautiful, yet, they can only be seen in the dark. Take a few steps near a lamp, and you'll lose the view.

Sometimes, you just have to be in a dark place to be able to appreciate the beauty of things.

vanilachocolate

Mengawali jumat dg membuka paket stiker koceng dari @sendingfailed . Terima kasih banyaaaa 💛💛🧡🧡❤️💚🥂

Naaah! Lihatlah baaaang @properparadox lihatlaaaaah! Aku punya amunisi baru untuk mengalahkan stiker stikermu ituuu

properparadox

Tenang, stiker kucing aing udah banyak

My family rarely eat out. So whenever I can fix something rather unusual (yes, spaghetti is unusual) for them, even though all I did use are instant sauce, some sausages, and leftover cheese, and they happened to like it, that's good enough for me.

Kebetulan lagi deket XL Center, jadi dapet coverage 5G. Is it good? I don't know, but I do know that sometimes they're shit.

Satu-satunya alasan males ganti operator adalah gw males ganti nomer.

Berasa kayak MC di anime yang di kelas duduknya di sebelah jendela. Sayangnya jendelanya ga transparan.

"...baiknya bgmn ya..."

Just say it, man, you want me to pay for it. Like the last time. And the time before that. And I forgot how many times before that.

A look back at 2023

I rarely wrote anything here nowadays. Having someone to talk to really changed a lot. But hey, this has been a tradition, so let's look back at 2023.

The year started slow, at least for several days, until I was told to attend a Welding Inspector course. At that time, it had been years since I even hold an electrode holder. Suddenly everything changed. Until the end of March, my days were filled with classes and practice, for six days a week, 10 hours a day. The course were finished, and now I am an IWIP, probably (I haven't even received the diploma, but I wasn't invited for the retest).

This year, I went back and forth between Bandung, Solo and Purwokerto, to meet the love of my life. She graduated this August after such a struggle, so that was great.

Even though I still had less than two years in this job, I became a speaker on two different events. One for a Failure Analysis forum, and the other for a Solidworks event. After finishing my Welding Inspector course, I was also asked to teach the next batch of WI students on Destructive Testing module. For these experiences, I still need to learn a lot on how to speak in front of many people. Especially when teaching, I felt that I messed up on the timing and flow of the class.

Then, my first in-situ metallography job! And the second, and third, and fourth. They were tiring, sometimes we had to work nights, but those were interesting nonetheless.

On that family issue, I think it was pretty much finished, after spending quite a lot of money. Tho perhaps some help is still needed in the future. Oh, and shits still happened. Of course, that single person fucked up.

And all of a sudden, my relationship with @vanilachocolate progressed quite far. Hopefully everything will be a smooth sailing next year *fingers crossed*.

Writing this, I realized that a lot, and I mean A LOT, has happened this year. But again and again, I kept feeling that I didn't really grow much. I still feel lost, having no idea on where to go and what to do to improve myself. The department where I work at now is in a mess, and I'm having a hard time to move on from my previous job. I even attended a webinar that was not related at all to my current job, just because it had some relation to my previous one (the webinar was about Industrial Design). Even I had this crazy idea, to get certified as a national IP consultant, and perhaps I can return to my previous career. It was a very long shot, but honestly, I'm not sure about anything else.

When I finished typing this, light earthquake shook. The second time today. Before various dark thoughts come, let me close this year by wishing that 2024 will be a kind year for all of us here.

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