honestly , i am just here for katseye and nmixx (and to read about whoever else i'm addicted to on a case to case basis). i do stan twice too! open to all ships, they're great.
★ will only write fem!reader , winners love winning. i could do all kinds of stuff (to an extent). fluff , angst , nsfw , hurt/comfort... you name it , i will try to deliver.
latest work: rossetti's adieu (d. avanzini) ✘ [18/06/26]
★ dividers by @/k1ssyoursister , @/solitary-serendipity and @/saradika-graphics
minors , do not interact... please.
★ my inbox is open for you. i promise , i don't bite.
where have you BEEN??? 💔💔 we missed you and your devastating angst so much 😭 i've been starving out here
but in all seriousness, i just wanted to say i hope you're doing okay. no pressure at all..I just hope life has been treating you kindly. take all the time you need, and please take care of yourself 🫶
IM STILL ALIVEEE!! i am so sorry i know i made a lot of promises, and yes theres food in the works but uni decided to do a 180 and body slam me into who knows where 😭 (+ its currently "hell month" as we call it so all the courses are torturing us)
thank you so much for saying that, i know a handful of yall (especially you 😗) are waiting and trust me im tryingg, but please bear with me!! honestly life has been a little bitch these past few weeks but i appreciate you being here <33
first of all, i have gone so freaking broke (i wanted a dslr... the price is 3x my whole savings (my mom is paying for it tho and i wanna pay her back bc money is tight)) so its back to one meals a day for meee!!!
also, i tried out for a sport but i flaked out in the middle of WARMUPS FFS and i am ashamed, but someone from the team is telling me to come back and theyll help me out
life is weird right now and biochemistry sucks ass sooo yeah
anyways, i might get my haewon fic done by the end of the week :))
YEAH def no pain! more like… emotional damage? the good kind??😝🙏
but i loved it honestly 😭 the guilt translated SO well into words and it made the ending hit harder. and YES PLEASE COOK MORE because tumblr genuinely needs more angst and i am 100% an angst fan… i will absolutely be seated for whatever suffering you decide to serve next 😀
thank you so much, its coming i promise!! ive been suffering in class so id probably vent it out on writing (sorry in advance) (also, jennifer??)
we're more than good ..actually we are absolutely not good after that ending😭 it absolutely destroyed me in the best way possible...the line about daniela only having a timer she never knew was ticking absolutely broke me 💔if im being honest,,readinf it makes me PHYSICALLY hurts I CAN FEEL IT RIGHT IT MY HEARTT
#pleaseNeverStopCookingLikeThis
im glad you are doing ABSOLUTELY good? right? no pain here hahaha (i am sorry)
honestly i really just channeled the guilt she would have had in this ending, so im glad the pain transferred into words!! i will try to cook more because i have a lot of ideas which may or may not be more angst... 😀😀
summary: in whatever guilt that is eating her, your memory lives on. flowers bloom in various ways as daniela lives in reminder of your last act.
tags: idol!daniela x 7th member fem!reader , angst , hanahaki disease with no more hanahaki , unrequited love , aftermath full of guilt , y'all wanted this , is this vague?
warning: blood , death , mourning , read sappho's excerpt first
daniela’s life was built by her own choices. at three years old, she begged her parents to enroll her in dance lessons. at five, she danced ballroom with her father. eight when she picked to be partners with yasha even to her childish distaste. at thirteen, she added hiphop to her catalogue of talents with the help of her mother. and at eighteen, she auditions for something so much bigger than she thought.
at twenty one, she never chose to be the reason for your death. it was an idea that never danced around her mind.
but standing in the white empty corridors of the hospital seemed to always echo in her memories, the blurry lines of you and your empty shell right beyond those doors. vomit clinged at the back of her throat as red continued to latch on her hands with her fists shut tightly.
everything seemed so sanitized yet she had never felt so tainted.
“dani…” megan slowly brings her hand up the older girl’s shoulder, afraid of breaking her. “let’s get you cleaned up.”
it terrified megan how easy daniela followed, like a doll or a robot or whichever unfeeling being there is. the comfort rooms held no comfort as megan opened a faucet, slowly coercing daniela’s hand under the warm water— right hand still curled up. with a gentle tug, daniela’s hand softened and everything she was secretly holding let loose down the drain.
daniela and megan stared at the fallen chrysanthemums from the depths of your unspoken feelings, all dried up and wilted. daniela couldn't help but let out an anguished sob as megan pulled her close, their bodies intertwined as she fell to the floor. her vision blurred as she cried, her damp white hoodie tainted with your blood and a sight that she would never forget.
lara walks in a little while later to see daniela still silently weeping with megan’s arms around her body, as if trying to protect her for whichever else to come. they already knew, it was written from the start.
‘katseye’s y/n dead at 20 from an unknown disease.’
your funeral was quiet, only close friends and relatives attended as your family secretly held your wake somewhere the “tea seeking” showbiz couldn't reach. there was only so much they could do in order to keep your secret and your peace. daniela walked out right before your last song, she didn't want it to be true. you weren't supposed to be gone.
to the general public, it was just another talent lost to the cycle of life. an unlucky being. an unfortunate soul. some might even say you sold your soul to the devil too fast and too soon, betting that in a few years time, you'd be just another memory who flew too close to stardom.
daniela was angry, resentful even. she had lost someone so important and yet everyone chose to move on like it's just another passing tuesday. she had just lost someone that would probably leave an aching hole in her heart and yet…
will she ever love you as much as you loved her, to the point of losing a life?
she felt so disgusted by herself for mourning you when she was the reason you were gone. sophia had to sit everyone down and slowly explain everything that had happened in the months you were suffering and she was such an idiot for never noticing. you always looked at her like she hung the moon while knowing it was never meant for you, and maybe she was so naive at taking things at face value that she never reached out while you continuously avoided her.
all the signs were there, and everyone knew it except her.
management had no choice but to put all group activities on hold when manon decided to take daniela out of los angeles and fly to lucerne (after a huge fight inside the building when hybe x geffen wanted them to hold a press conference regarding a freshly buried member), sophia and yoonchae following three days after as the leader had to dump everything on the company while fixing yoonchae’s documents as her legal guardian. megan decided to contain everything and fly back to hawaii, lara right on her tail in fear that the young girl would do something reckless.
you've always wanted to go to switzerland, manon promised you would come and join her visit someday.
and yet you continue to grow cold in a gold laced coffin masked in citrus, and daniela will never learn to love you more than just remembering your scent.
there could only be so much self blaming daniela could take before she takes it out on others, everyone has a fault in your death. sophia should have told her sooner, maybe even lara and megan (yoonchae is a child who has no faults). if someone on the team had just spoken up, you would have been alive today.
if daniela had just spoken up, you would have been alive today.
“avanzini, please talk to us or i swear to god.” manon’s voice muffled through the wooden door, but daniela never moved from her cold sheets.
the image of you bleeding through your lungs repeatedly flashes through her mind, oncidiums and roses scattered on the tiles with your body choking on endless vines. she held you then and there, begging for you to stay awake even if she had no right to do so.
everyone told her that you've accepted your fate, but she never even got to process it all.
you had sophia and yoonchae knowing your funeral in closed doors, lara and megan digging for another way to keep you on stage as the inevitable consumes you.
manon and daniela had a timer they didn't even know was ticking, they never even had an idea of what to expect.
all daniela had was a goodbye letter that she never even meant to find, five other members who might be the only ones to understand her pain, and a whole other life she has to continue living. was this her punishment for your unwilling sacrifice?
and while she truly loved you, she never even loved you that way. is that her fault? would fate have accepted her ingenuine romance if it meant keeping you alive? would she rather have suffered a lie instead of a loss? would you have continued breathing if she just told you she loves you?
the worst part of it all is that she was never supposed to know, and she will continue to not know if there was another choice or outcome to it all. there is a possibility that in every single lifetime, your flowers will continue to wilt and consume you whole while daniela continues to live with the knowing thought that her existence has cost you yours.
no music, play, nor literature would explain her pain. not emily dickinson who had susan gilbert at arms length while not being hers, not william shakespeare who wrote the greatest star crossed tragedy to ever grace the world, not even taylor swift and hundreds of heartbreaking songs about her handful variety of different endings (none which resembles you).
your doom is another art of its own, a greenhouse of memories and melodies that daniela will never get to uncover.
it is a pain she has to live with along with a simple unspoken message.
my dearest, daniela
i am in love with you, and i might not ever get to say it at this point onward. but the bouquet growing under my skin speaks for themselves knowing that i will never get myself to confess my feelings. it is my honest choice to hide this from you, and i’m sorry that i have never been honest about this. my heart yearns for you, too much so that my body has carried the weight of it all. it is selfish of me— but know that it was not your fault it all turned out this way, i just wanted to love you to the point of no return.
you deserve so much more than just another afterthought, i promise to keep you in my mind till the end.
love, y/n
it is the last memory that she will have of you, one that she will continuously choose to haunt her.
it may be that in a few years time, katseye will continue as six with an unspoken seventh shadow. it may be that the voices you left will be inserted as a reminder of your love and not your painful ending. it may be that you will continue to live on as your flowers bloom, with less blood and agony.
it may be that at twenty four, thirty, or even till her fifties, daniela has the choice to remember you whole— continuing to love you in your death against fate.
it may not be the love that will bring you back, but in its own special way, you are loved more than you will know.
okay less than an hour left and i want to share my thoughts!!
it took me less than a week to write this. i knew how it all ends and how daniela feels but i never knew how to execute it? it definitely might not be on par with sappho's excerpt but i hope it stands
id think that for the past six months, my writing style has drastically changed. i did have to write more academic essays in those months so it might reflect in my writing, believe in people when they say university changes you 😭
this one is less linear than how i wrote sappho's, and i mean SO MUCH LESS. its circles more about her feelings than what the heck happened after in real time, but i think its for the better
i’m in MYT (malaysia time)!!but no need to change your plans because of me.. release it whenever works for you and i’ll still be there😚
(thank you for even thinking about that though, that’s really sweet of you 🫶)
OHHHHH we have the same time zones!! i have now decided it comes out at 10 (in approx one and a half hour) because i have free will and 10 pm is the start of philippine yearning hour, i hope you sleep well after this ^^
set my reminder already and all and i’ll literally be up at 4am for this LOL😝🤞. don’t stress about disappointing anyone though, your writing’s always such a fun experience to read and i’m just happy to see whatever you’ve been making 🫶
waittt what timezone are you in? the true ending is literally finished and on its final repeated editing. i just wanted it out while i am asleep, but if youre staying up for this then... i might reevaluate my choices
(also i am deeply honored you have a whole reminder for this omg 😭)
THE TRUE ENDING OMGGG we love misery,, plsplsplspls
HEHEHEHE ITS ON THE FINAL REVISIONNNN!! im tweaking stuff probably because im overthinking it, i hope yall are okay with everything or im gonna hide back in a hole
OMG 1 MORE DAYYYY,, IM LITERALLY COUNTING DAYS,, IVE SET UO MY CALENDAR AND ALL.
omg now im scared to disappoint 😭😭 its coming out june 18 at 3pm est (i hope thats right, then it would be june 19 3am pht right?) i am bad at time zones and stuff bare with me and i hope you like whatever im cooking 🥹🫶
this might sound dramatic but i think one of the coolest things a writer can do is make people feel like they’re in safe hands when they read..and your writing has that feeling BRO..it never feel rushed through scenes or emotions. it always feels like you know exactly what you’re doing and you trust readers to come along with you. that’s such a rare thing to find and i just wanted to tell you because i don’t think people hear that enough,, i love ur work sm 😝🌹🌹
what the heck ngl this made my shitty boring day 😭😭 most times i dont even know if i am doing the right thing but i am so grateful that this is how you feel about my writing, seriously!!
i cant say thank you enough to all of you reading my stuff, albeit it being minuscule compared to everyone else here that are soooo soooo talented at writing (add the fact i havent continued writing since the end of the year). i will try my best to be better and make yall proud 🫶
hello i just had to drop by and say that sapphos excerpt is so beautiful and has to be one of the best things i've read in a loooooong time! (and i'm old)
omg thank you so muchh!! still cant believe people are still finding it today, and yall like it! this seriously made my day thank you for dropping by ^^
(i have a surprise in 3 business days, everyone has been requesting for it and so i caved 🫶)
