im sorry

hey im cj im emo im tired im hungry and kinda suicidal, this is where i post my pro shit n vents, see yall lads later, they/them pronousn please

[islandden]

my brain rapidly going from sex repulsed to hypersexual then back again

[prxttyblxxd]

FUCK YOU EDDIE

I* WIDH SHE WOUL DHAVE FUCKING KILLE DM E EWHEN SHE GOT HT$ERU( FHCANCE I HATE TIHT ERE IM NOT OAKY IM NOT OAKY IM ONOT AOKYA IM NOT OKAY FHIEAHFIHUEHUFHEF EFHUOF E I HATE YUU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I JHAGTE YOU I HATE YOU I HATRE YOU I AHTE UYOU FUKC IW AONT TO DIE I YHATE YOU HYUO FUCKING PEDOPHFOELLEE I HATE YIAEU SO FUCJING MUC

[prxttyblxxd]

MY TOILET HITS DIFFERANT AFTER EaTING  A COOKIE

[prxttyblxxd]

MY SCALE BROKE FUCK FUCK FUCK F U C K

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

[prxttyblxxd]

csa gang

okay so have you ever like felt aroused by something and your feelin some f e e l i n g s and suddenly it hits you that you’ll never get your virginity back and that your literally a disgusting blob and now your feelin like shit? because thats my mood,,,,also shoutout too my sex trauma survivors that are at the point between absolutely being triggered by anything and everything nsfw and being able too talk about it because thats where i am

[prxttyblxxd]

im cold

im scared

[prxttyblxxd]

hhhh

everything feels so wrong and im so fuckin hungry but theirs nothing too eat and my hands are weak and i have a headache and im home alone..and everything just feels so fucking wrong and i dont know why..and why does it feel like everybody hates me suddenly..my dads catching on and my executive dysfunction feels like its KILLING me, and i dont have the spoons to shower or clean the guinea pig cages today.........

[prxttyblxxd]

hhhhhh lately ive been a little more lax with my eating in quarantine also since my other pro servers on discord got mass nuked but i just weighed myself and im almost at 148 lbs again and i highkey gonna just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,not 

[prxttyblxxd]

update: i am at a grand total of,,,,,a one minute clean streak :)

[prxttyblxxd]

okay so that one shitty post i pulled outta my ass during a breakdown has 59 notes which is the most ive ever gotten WHAT

[prxttyblxxd]

*sobs happily everytime someone likes or reblogs one of my posts*

[prxttyblxxd]

me: *forgets i relapsed*

me: *rolls up sleeve*

my dad:

me:

my dad:

me:

my dad:

me:

my dad:

me:

me: so uhh whats for dinner

[prxttyblxxd]

hi yes my last desperate attempt at a cry for help is gone so now what the hell do i do-

im back on my bullshit but on a hole NEW level ngl

[prxttyblxxd]

here we go again

so long story short,,,,,,,,,,still fat still gay and feelin a little extra depressed yall know what that means- i was like,,,,a week clean but im feelin the vibes yall and once again i pray to my favorite pair of scissors that i dont regret this (in which i will)

[prxttyblxxd]

w,,what??

so i checked my notifs and like people followed me?? thank you!! i swear eventually ill post actual good ana tips aNyway its been a couple days since i picked up the scissors, tho i wanna keep that down, and my dad told me i eat too much today so w h o o o o o  o basic pr0ana tip: start fasts at midday, its the most convenient time for me with a lot of different types of fasts

[prxttyblxxd]

Me: *notices a trend of followers*

Me, knowing that increases the chance of my friends finding this blog: O H S H I T

[prxttyblxxd]

Update

For some reason I haven’t been concerned about my weight lately and I fucking hate it, it’s pissing me off considering I don’t deserve the damn rest!! It’s also been around almost a week until I cut myself, I plan on doing it tomorrow