Cliffhanger

First of all you don't know me, second of all you don't know me! - P.S. Just a blog, where I write my thoughts, so feel free to follow, leave a comment, ask me anything or just text me if you need somebody to talk to.

[wortedergefuehle]

Nur weil es kurz regnet, vergisst man nicht wie sich die Sonne anfühlt

[ps-youdontknowme]

So true😍

[schmerzstille]

hast du schonmal jemanden so sehr geliebt, dass du versucht hast ihn zu verstehen, während er dir weh getan hat?

[ps-youdontknowme]

Leider ja und das zu lange.

09/01/2026

#Cliffhanger

[perfeqt]

“You can never really go back to the same waters. Not only are you no longer the same, but neither are the waters you left. The current has changed. The elements of nature have affected the stream. When you return, although it appears the same, it really is a different river and you are a different person. Therefore, you cannot cross the same river twice.”

— Alice Walker

[ps-youdontknowme]

Ever get the feeling of being to chicken to listen to another album from an artist or band you really love, bc you're afraid it might not live up to your standard? It can't be better or at least as good as the awesome album you already know?

Totally just got the feeling with Arctic Monkeys^^

19/08/25

- Cliffhanger

[ps-youdontknowme]

"Don't fall in love with the way things were. It'll fuck up your mind!"

Don't give in - Snow Patrol

05/08/25

- Cliffhanger

[ps-youdontknowme]

Some older stuff, I wrote 18/05/18 and just found in my folder:

"Dreaming On"

We're caught up in dreams today,

dreams that never seem to become reality.

They are beyond the reach of our ability,

trying to deceive, but only betray.

We're the best at fooling ourselves,

without the help of anyone else.

We let it appear as if we're the happiest,

when really we feel like the crappiest.

The moment when fantasies turn into nightmares,

our lives collapse like a house of cards, nobody cares.

Every attempt on fixing it

only leads to us trying to quit.

What if we never had dreamed in the first place?

What would our life be like? Would it show grace?

Would we do anything different if we had the chance?

Tell me, would we do it different this time?

Do we even know how to climb?

How to get out of this hole and start again?

However we're doing it, we gotta begin!

31/07/25

- Cliffhanger

[ps-youdontknowme]

Some people you can just feel judge you over an experience or a subjective fact, if you know what i mean ^^ The look in their eyes, the look of disapproving or being really skeptical of what you're saying is just written in bold letters in their forehead🙈 At least I managed to keep true to what I was saying, not glitching somehow into behavior I think would be appreciated more or I would be understood more for playing this role, that absolutely isn't me and I shouldn't have to. It wasn't a bad evening, just this topic or rather this reaction from her threw me a little, if I'm being honest. Can't really be sure what she was thinking in that moment, but it was at least skepticism, that's for sure and certain. Trying not to put too much weight on this and move on. One step at a time, right?

30/07/25

- Cliffhanger

[quotefeeling]

“Sometimes you miss the memories, not the person.”

— Unknown

[ps-youdontknowme]

So true!

[ps-youdontknowme]

"Who knew you'd be hated for being who you are?"

- Beartooth (Hated)

Ich fühle mich zwar nicht gehasst, das ist bissl zu dick aufgetragen, abgelehnt trifft es eher...

Wenn man durch eine einem zugetragene Aufgabe immer wieder den Leuten auf den Sack gehen muss und vermehrt Reaktionen bekommt, die Signale senden wie "ich hab auch schon genug" "was willst du noch?" "kannst du jemand anderen fragen?" "muss das sein und muss das jetzt sein?"

Es geht hier nicht um mich, ich führe nur aus und versuche iwie alles beisammen zu halten und das sind die Reaktionen, die ich dafür bekomme...

Ja, es ist gerade viel, mir auch, definitiv, zu viel, aber ich kann es gerade nicht ändern, solang gewisse Dinge nicht "erledigt" sind. Ich würde auch immer mal wieder lieber entspannen, Kopf frei denken, verschnaufen, keinen Krebs haben, ne Pause machen können, eine klare Zukunft haben, kein Gefühl der tickenden Zeitbombe haben, usw., aber das ist eben gerade nicht...

Es scheint einigen Menschen sehr schwer zu fallen, einen Mittelweg zu finden aus, mich nicht auf Krebs reduzieren bzw. mich weiter als normale Person wahrzunehmen und es nicht komplett auszublenden und mich zu behandeln, als wäre ich 100% einsatzfähig.

Spannend wie man manchmal gefühlt von positiven Zeiten/Momenten mehr getriggert wird...

- Cliffhanger

16/06/25

[ps-youdontknowme]

"I know the road you walked was anything but easy

You picked up your share of scars along the way

Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run

The pain is all a million miles away."

-> Scars in Heaven - Casting Crowns

Almost 4 years now, still missing you...

24.9.66 - 22.6.21

10/06/25

[resqectable]

“Even in the darkest night, if you strike a match, the shadows will flee. This is a law of nature; the darkness yields to the light, no matter how small the flame.”

— Jared White

[ps-youdontknowme]

So true 🖤

[remanence-of-love]

[ps-youdontknowme]

Revival

Kinda feeling like reviving my tumblr blog :)

A lot has happened since my last entry, 28/08/19 , and I really mean A LOT!

I've worked in a childrens home for roughly 2 years, learned a lot, also experienced a lot. Lost my mum to cancer in June 2021 and left b/c of a burnout in January 2022. Worked some different jobs and then finally started in a kindergarten in October 2022. Really felt at home there and am currently still employed by them, but not working since 20th of March 2024. Got the diagnosis then: Breastcancer...

Got Chemotherapy, 16 times, was operated, got radiation therapy for 15 times and was really feeling better around December '24. Getting my life on track, planning to go to a rehabilitation center at the end of january, plannend when to go back to work, the tumor was all gone, I was super thrilled, but it all didn't work out after all...

B/c on the 1st of January I woke up with a strong headache. Thought nothing by it, but it didn't go away, not with painkillers or rest or anything, so after 2 weeks I went to the doctor - got really high blood pressure and hoped that was it.

It wasnt... Went to the first hospital on the 17th of January, got the new diagnosis on the 20th of January - The cancer had metastasized into the brain... Extensively spread through the cerebellum, looked like a hostile takeover on the MRI... It also metastasized around the brain, causing it to swell and to minimize the space in there, so I had to get a shunt after all.

My first thought was: That's it. Game over.

Since I'm writing this it's not over - apparently I'm still here - 4 months and 2 weeks after diagnosis:)

It's surely been a real rough ride so far, this year, lots of bad times and bad days and a few times I've just wanted to give up, b/c it was just too hard to handle, but God gave the strength I needed to get through those times.

The last MRI showed no more metastases in the brain, but I still have to continue chemotherapy, to stop them from coming back.

But that's the here and now of it. I'm getting chemo every 3 weeks and working my way through, appreciating everyone who still sees me, not just my diagnosis, and doesn't ask dumb questions^^

6 years in one post, really a lot has happened and I've changed a lot, particularly in this past 1 1/2 years.

- Cliffhanger

08/06/25

[ps-youdontknowme]

Next steps and Friendship goals

I'm finally able to be myself at work and that just feels good. I'm relieved to not have to act according to others. Also, in just a week or two I'm going to be able to move to my new home that I've waited for so long... Happy to make my own decisions and mistakes, do the laundry whenever I feel like it or just not do it, till I have no more clothes to wear^^

I can't tell you how relieved and happy I am about that. I'm focusing more on my friendships now and trying to establish a real bond, that goes beyond just talking to each other. Rather being able to have deep conversations and be honest without the fear of being judged or humiliated or laughed at or whatever. Just be there for each other no matter what life throws at us.

28/08/19

[go-jack-sawyer]

Brave - Sara Bareilles pic: unsplash.com

[ps-youdontknowme]

I know that I got problems with actually saying out loud whats on my mind, but I wasn't the only one in the situation and I ain't the only one with a communication problem of some sort. I can't say what I should say out loud and you don't want to say what you really think. We both have our faults and I'm not saying that I didn't do something(s) wrong, but I sure aren't the only one.

My problem with communicating with you isn't going to be fixed overnight and I know that it's getting on everybodys nerves, cause I seem to make no steps in the right direction, but I am, just very small ones unfortunately.

28/07/19 - 149th Day

[podencos]

I don’t feel strong enough but I always am