a mere lake swan: part one
I watched her dance with him.
Wings beating against the glass, I felt my throat tighten. He had not even confessed his love yet, and already this form was weakening. There were no ledges to rest on, and the roofs around me slanted too steeply downwards. A smarter person mightāve found somewhere else to land. Maybe some other tragic hero wouldāve given up the terrible view in favor of self-preservation.
The Baronās eyes met mine. He noticed the struggle, the faltering of my wings.
He smiled. The music came to its end, and applause followed the center couple to the front of the ballroom.
The Prince smiled, bowing and gesturing to the woman who wore my face, my clothes. They praised her, countless words of adoration streaming forth meant for me, all for her.
āHere before my court,ā began the Prince, āI admit that I have never before fallen in love. But to this woman-ā and oh, how he takes her hand, oh, how she smiles for him- āI have promised my heart, my life, and my eternal love. None else shall ever possess me as she does now.ā
The pain I felt watching was matched by one in my chest, a sharp stab of magic and darkness. I gasped, the strength in those reliable wings finally giving way to the truth of my ending. As Icarus, as a raindrop, as a golden leaf in autumn, I fell.
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I had twelve cycles of the moon in which to seek my success. I learned in the first month from the other swans that just as each had come to see her own unique end, so had each promised away a different prize to the Baron. He set the prices, and though heād been known to haggle, his desires had been too costly for every swan here. So it had been that they had lost their deals.
Hadley asked after mine. āThere is a young man I know,ā I replied, āthe Prince of this kingdom. I did not tell the Baron I knew him, but it seems he knew somehow.ā
āHeās like that.ā Hadley shrugged, as much as any swan can. āHe knew of all of us, before weād even spoken a word.ā
I remember how heād seemed to understand my wish before Iād even voiced it.
āI promised him the Princeās power,ā I admitted. āHis kingdom, his title, his lands- everything. He loves me so much, I believe heād give the moon and sun for me, if he could.ā
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The Baronās daughter, Cygnet, came to visit again. She walked alone that day, holding a sketchbook loosely in one hand while searching for a place to sit. Her dress, a beautiful true blue, seemed used to the outdoors. Hair half caught up in a thoughtless bun, she found a spot and set her charcoal pencil to work.
āShe does this some days,ā Hadley whispered to me. āShe doesnāt live here, but she visits often. She likes watching us.ā
Indifferent, I turned away from the girl on the bank. āWeāre not here to be studied,ā I replied. We swam to a spot where the reeds were dense and conversation held at least the illusion of privacy.
She stayed until dusk began to fall. With dwindling daylight for her drawing, she lost interest. I wondered if she knew our true nature, if sheād ever met one of the swans at night, before theyād lost their human forms to a failed deal.
The swans who had forgotten their humanity must have resided here for decades. She wouldāve grown up beside them, surrounded by the curse they carried. I have to imagine sheād asked questions, perhaps even of the swans themselves. None of them were afraid of her presence, or even bothered by it. The Baron made them nervous, even those who donāt seem to remember why, but his daughter was ignored.
A couple days later, she came again. I had only a fortnight to wait until the ball; she mustāve known of her fatherās plan, of the role she was soon to play. Heād be wanting her close by, I reasoned.
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