princess @pstvlyxtrmlyhppy - Tumblr Blog

10:54 P.M.

someone please take a drill to my head to make me realize that you can’t force someone to love you and care for you the way that you do for them. each and every single day, you guys, i am tearing myself to pieces over someone who can’t even confirm that it’s me that they want. and in my mind, i know for a fucking fact that this is not healthy and i’m draining myself mentally and emotionally - but my heart, this too big heart of mine, aches for this stupid boy in hopes that he will one day wake up and realize what kind of love he’s got right in front of him. i’m like a little puppy dog, chasing around false hope!!! UGh

#sad #heartbroken #killmenow #ihateboys

anancientheart

07/17/17

Fun fact: This week, if you look at the dates (7/16/17, 7/17/17, etc) and then read/write them backwards... They’re still the same dates!!! ;) Weird, right?

Today... Not a typical Monday. I found out one of my patients are in the ICU and probably won’t make it much longer :( I just bought him some flowers with our company card on Friday and found out today that was the highlight of his day. He is such a happy man. Always dancing in my drive thru and singing to Kiss 95.1. Whenever I’d ask, “Sir, how do you know who Migos is?” He would reply every time, “I have grandkids.” His heart is so pure and full of joy.

Yesterday - a day off, I know - I was arriving to the mountain that I always hike. About 2 miles away, I noticed a guy walking without a shirt and worn out khakis. I paid little attention to him as I continued my journey. I parked my car, hiked 25 minutes up the mountain and back down. As I was leaving the parking lot, I noticed the same guy still walking. He was noticeably hot, it was 90º outside. Poor dude was covered in sweat. I again, kept driving. I looked over to see an extra unopened water bottle in my front seat. I drove about 3 miles towards home, debating whether or not I should turn around and give him the water. I knew if I didn’t, eat would eat at me that I didn’t help someone. I turned around and stopped him. He was so thankful, and his face got a little brighter just by my one nice gesture of doing for someone else. I began to cry as I turned around to head back home. We often times are too busy thinking of ourselves and what we can do for our own benefits instead of taking 5 minutes out of our day to buy that homeless guy a sandwich or purge our closets to donate to the less fortunate. We have it really, really good in this world of hate and chaos and too many of us take that for granted.

Today, this ill lady came into our pharmacy and was noticeably in an ill mood. She was rude and said some really hurtful things to me. Again, I cried. If you’re noticing the pattern here - I am a huge baby - She left our store and I just felt so angry with this woman. Here I am, hours later typing about her in my “blog” and all I want to do is find her and give her a hug. Maybe she was having a really bad day and needed someone to take it out on (never an excuse) or maybe she hadn't yet had her coffee. Who knows, but whoever you are - always try your hardest to be kind because you never, ever know how someone is handling life or what they're going through on the other side of the counter.

Does anybody still tumble!?

2017//

UGHHGHhghghgh ☞

my mind has been like a puzzle this past week.

But seriously, do any of my fellow peeps still use tumblr? I really hope not because I wanna speak my mind without having any judgmental fucks reading my page, wahhh ・

The past (almost) 2 weeks I have been SOCIAL MEDIA FREE!! HELL YEA!!!! Life has been truly a lot happier for me. I notice that I’m not comparing myself to other girls my age. I don’t get super depressed about not having a huge group of friends. I’m just concerned with my own life, and what I can do to better myself. It’s sad that I had to delete my media for me to start doing that, but everyone has to start somewhere- right??

I’ve hiked a mile (and back down) every other day! I can feel myself getting stronger, physically, and of course in shape. When I’m not hiking, I try to do workouts in my room such as abs and arms. The gym isn't really my scene.. YET! I feel like I’m becoming more confident with my body.

I’ve wanted to start yoga and meditation but haven’t quite gotten there yet. I feel like my mind would simmer down a lot once I begun that process. Write now, I’m drawing (seldom), pinteresting and finally tonight....beginning to write my thoughts out again ▻ I’m hoping since I’m taking my sweet time on beginning meditation and yoga that at least writing will give me a sense of peace within me to get all of these emotions out SOMEWHERE in the world!!!! I plan to write each day. About my day, events, things that make me happy/sad, everything.... OK so here goes :))))

-Si

Psst this is mainly for my records, to look back and read to reflect on how I’ve grown and changed when it comes to not only writing but expressing my emotions and how I’ve felt and processed things so if U read, cool, if not, awesome! 🖤🖤🖤🖤