How is your friend N doing?
I don't know anymore. We still technically live together, like most of her stuff is still here, but she's been gone for like 3 weeks now and she just ignores my text messages, whether it's sending her funny videos or asking how she's doing. If I ask a question and I do get a response (I was getting like one or two replies a week, days apart, until she started ignoring me completely) she will purposely answer my question in a way that leaves certain things out of the answer. For whatever reason she really doesn't want me knowing who she's with or where she's at. Which is super weird considering how close we use to be and how open we use to be with each other. We use to do everything together for a couple years, we use to talk about all kinds of stuff. The last couple months she's been super distant with me, even though we've never gotten into a fight and I haven't given her a reason to be distant with me that I'm aware of. I have a feeling she's seeing the abusive ex boyfriend again and just doesn't want to tell me about it because she doesn't want to hear my comments about it, even though at this point I wouldn't even comment on it because when she use to vent to me about him I said everything I had to say about it then, I'm not going to repeat myself on something she obviously doesn't want to hear. The reason we started living together was because she wanted to get away from the abuser and told me she had no where to go, plus we were super close at the time, so of course I'll be there for my best friend in a situation like that, especially after escaping abuse myself. At first it was difficult for her emotionally and she continued to see him here and there. Over a year ago there was one night we had plans together and on the way there she said she wanted to do her own thing and go to a meeting. Once we got to the city she said "I'm sorry I just really feel like I need to go to a meeting." I knew it was bullshit because at the time she asked me for drugs less than an hour prior to that. I was kinda like ok whatever, she said when it was over we would meet back up and ride the bus home together. I ended up meeting up with another friend that night and I never got any text back from her that night. I ended up busing home alone. When I got back it was past 1 am so I sent her a text saying "That's one long meeting". She just ignored me. Around 8 am I got a text from her asking if I was home saying she needed to talk to me. She got back like an hour later and she told me she was sorry about lying about meeting up with her ex and that she only lied about it because she didn't want me to talk her out of going. Someone's past behavior is a good indicator of what they're doing now or going to do. I'm sure she's being distant with me because she thinks I'm going to lecture her about the ex again and she doesn't want to hear it. I have nothing to say about her and the ex at this point. I gave her advice when she asked for it, I went above and beyond when she said she needed help. I even offered to pay for a restraining order for her and help her get it as well as help her build a court case if she ever wanted to (at one point she said she wanted to and she approached me about the subject). I think now that she's sober she thinks their relationship will work because her using was a big thing he treated her badly and abused her over physically and emotionally. I've known that even when she seemed like she was doing better, stayed away from him for a bit for a period of time, even when she said she wanted nothing to do with him that she's never truly gotten over him. Apparently my friendship doesn't mean shit if she's willing to just drop me and ignore me for an abuser. I would have a lot more respect for her and this whole situation if she just came to me and said "Hey I'm moving back in with my ex" (if that's what she wants to do) or "This is why I'm being distant *insert REAL reason*".
It's just hurtful being close to someone for so long and then they start acting distant and just ignoring you out of nowhere. Communication isn't that hard, especially over text. Like she was literally easier to reach when she was in rehab. When she went to see her family she still called me and we talked on the phone frequently when she went on trips places. When she needed drugs she sure had no problem blowing up my phone then. If she could make time to communicate with me in rehab when you have to ask for a phone to use, on trips, and whenever she needed something why is it so hard to send a quick text back now? This isn't a normal way to treat someone you were living with and once called "like a sister".
I've never put this much effort into helping someone in my life. Anytime she needed something I did my best to make it happen. Whether it was her wanting away from an abusive ex, whether she was in withdrawal and needed a get well, whether it was needing help getting into rehab and preparing for it, clothing, food, a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to when you're hurting, etc.
People only hit you up and act like they care when it benefits them. And now that she got money from stimulus/unemployment, isn't struggling financially to provide things for herself, and isn't on dope anymore she doesn't need me for anything. That's not what friendship is about. I'm not counting favors, I don't care that I've done countless things to help her or if I've done more than she has that way, that shit doesn't matter when you have a real friendship with someone. I don't care about material stuff nor do I expect her to do things for me, I just wish our friendship was how things use to be when we talked about whatever, hung out frequently, went places together and laughed about the bullshit. But right now I'm really questioning whether she even cares about our friendship at all or if that was her just using me for whatever she needed at the time. I've been through a lot of shit, I understand a lot of stuff, honesty goes a long way with me, I just wish she would be honest and upfront with me about what's up, if she still wants a friendship with me, where she wants to be, etc. I'm so over the avoiding and ignoring bullshit.
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