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21 🤍 digital diary 🤍 tw: sh/ed/bpd thoughts

[psych0puppyxo]

🤍about me🤍

name: (see username… I’m not comfy sharing real name)

age: 21

pronouns: she/they

interests: drawing, fashion, music, makeup, dolls, lps, horror movies, true crime, my boyfriend <3

fav artists: ashnikko, lana del rey, mitski, carolesdaughter, sabrina carpenter, chappell roan, nicole dollanganger, luvcat, marina, baby bugs

fav movies: the princess bride, howl’s moving castle, mamma mia, anastasia, thumbelina, barbie the princess & the pauper, terrifier, creep 1 & 2, everything everywhere all at once, bullettrain

fav book: if we were villains

hobbies: thrifting, drawing, reading, watching movies, makeup, scrolling on social media, collecting lps, collecting monster high dolls, fostering kittens

extra info: in a relationship (almost 4 years), i have diagnosed bpd/4n0rex1a, not in college rn, looking for mutuals

dni: under 18, p3d0s/z00s, trump supporters, racists, homo/transphobes, misogynists, non 3d/4n4 (please just block me)

hw: 120 lbs aka 54.5 kg

sw: 117 lbs aka 53 kg

cw: 114 lbs aka 51.71 kg

gw: 110 lbs aka 49.9 kg

ugw: 100 lbs aka 45.4 kg

daily cal intake max: 1000 cals

[psych0puppyxo]

th1nsp0 for myself <3

[psych0puppyxo]

sorry i disappeared for a bit! my bf was growing suspicious & i needed to uninstall. i am back, but it’ll mostly be vent stuff i think. i just need a safe space to share my thoughts since i can’t on other media :3

[psych0puppyxo]

Tw vent for sh

love when my bf relapses & acts like it’s fine but it’s not okay if I do??

like every single day I want to relapse & sh & I don’t because he gets mad & it triggers him. but even though he knows it triggers me he doesn’t usually care because “it’s different”

[psych0puppyxo]

i’m so inconsistent on here & i feel so bad about it. it’s hard to be present on here when i live with my bf. i love him, but he would force me to eat & gain back all i lost. i’m already struggling with losing/gaining the same 2 lbs (T^T)

[psych0puppyxo]

🤍day 2&3: gw/ugw & diet 🤍

gw: 110 lbs aka 49.89 kgs

ugw: 100 lbs aka 45.35 kgs

diet:

my diet is all over the place, but recently i’ve been trying to omad. unfortunately i usually end up eating more than i want since i live with my bf & he knows about my eating habits. i try to stay under 1000 cals a day though!

[psych0puppyxo]

okay! trying a new challenge so hopefully i stay on track

🤍 day 1: stats & expectations 🤍

stats!!

- height: 5’5” aka 165.1 cm

- weight: 113.3 lbs aka 51.39 kgs

- bmi: 18.9

- waist: 25.25 in aka 64.13 cm

- hips: 32 in aka 81.28 cm

- upper thighs: 17.5 in aka 44.45 cm

expectations!!

- lose 2-3 lbs aka 1-2 kgs by end of the challenge

- waist workouts to snatch my waist (i’m built like a door i hate it)

- hoping to lose weight in my thighs & belly/waist

- hoping i can follow through with this challenge, but being kind to myself if i don’t

thank you @ana-angel-17-1 for inspiring me to try this challenge 🤍

[psych0puppyxo]

i love having a diet drink like it’s cancelling out the 900 cal burger & fries i’m about to consume

[ednotsheeranaddict]

Reblog if you typically consume 600 to 1100 cals

[psych0puppyxo]

made it to 111 lbs aka 50.35 kgs!! my bf is starting to suspect though & got mad at me that i didn’t bring food home after work

[psych0puppyxo]

apologies for disappearing. depression has been kicking my butt. on the bright side i lost more! i’m maintaining at 112 lbs aka 50.8 kg!! but oh man it’s been a rough week and i have been bad about being consistent on here (T^T)

[ednotsheeranaddict]

£d canon events

The obsession of weighting around 45kg

Being stuck at around the same weight despite doing everything the way you used to, which made you lose weight up until then

Wanting to rip the fat off of your body

A girl's relationship w her stomach, hips and/or thighs

Stretch marks and having to come to terms that they'll never fully go away

Having to eat around others

When a store doesn't have the sugar-free/lowcal version of a soda

The feeling of guilt when you eat, but also wanting to be able to function

The obsession with how many calories you burnt in a day

Step goal.

Comparing yourself with your friends

"If I'm gonna be sick, I gotta at least do it properly."

"You can always be thinner, better."

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

[psych0puppyxo]

so true (unfortunately)

[psych0puppyxo]

face dysmorphia go crazy!! what do you mean i look in the mirror and see basically a blob fish version of myself (T-T)

[psych0puppyxo]

can i please have the bpd symptom of ⭐️ving instead of spending mass amounts of money or b1nging to fill the void

[psych0puppyxo]

today i am allowing myself to eat what i crave. mostly because my boyfriend is becoming suspicious of my habits… but i want to allow myself one day so i don’t end up binging this week. will be a bit over my cal max, but being mindful of it is helping me to be at peace.

[psych0puppyxo]

30 days of 3d

🤍 day 5: favorite 3d media 🤍

honestly anything is 3d media to me if i look at it long enough

some that come to mind include:

🤍90s models

🤍kpop idols

🤍clock app creators

🤍winx club

🤍monster high dolls (gen 1)

🤍princess ai (manga)

🤍jinx & cait from arcane

[psych0puppyxo]

what i ate today (04/04):

🤍ultra strawberry dreams monster (10 cals)

🤍4 hard boiled eggs (280 cals)

🤍2 babybel cheese (100 cals)

🤍coconut jelly (120 cals)

🤍popcorn (170 cals)

🤍chips (390 cals)

total: 1070 calories

a little over my cal max, but i had to eat more since my bf was nagging me :/