What it’s Like to Be Asexual
The asexual flag was created in 2010 as part of an AVEN competition. The black represents asexuality, they grey represents demisexuality, the white represents non-asexual allies and partners, and the purple represents community.
Being asexual means that I don’t experience sexual attraction at all.
Myths and Misconceptions:
People think that we are like plants…no, no we’re not. We are still human, we just don’t feel sexual attraction.
I’ve been told that because I’m asexual I can’t find people pretty. Aesthetic attraction is a different thing from sexual attraction. You think that cat is pretty, does that mean you want to have sex with it?
People often think/confuse us for robots, being repressed, being scared of everything, being sad and lonely, needing to be fixed.
Some people say that Aces are straight. Aces are not straight. I am not straight. At all. In any way, shape, or form. Heteroromantic Aces are not straight. Anyone on the asexual spectrum is not straight. Please remember this next time you talk to an Ace.
Not every Ace is Aro, not every Aro is Ace.
What is it like to be asexual?
It’s mostly confusing. I get crushes on people but I can never figure out what the crush feeling MEANS. Like, do I wanna date this person? Get to know them better? Draw them? Ruffle their hair? Awkwardly smile at them and never talk? Am I even capable of having a relationship? Is that even what I WANT from this situation? Being ace but not aro is definitely a can of complex emotional worms..
Being in school and hearing two of your female classmates tell a boy “we’re all looking at your butt!” and getting confused because you didn’t look at his butt for a second even though he was wearing really tight shorts.
I don’t find people hot/sexy/attractive. I find people pretty, but not attractive if that makes any sense. For example, I think my little sister is pretty, I think my friends are pretty, but I don’t think they’re sexy or attractive. My friend will send me a picture of a guy shirtless and go on and on about how hot he is and I just don’t see it.
I don’t experience sexual attraction (don’t think anyone is “hot” in the conventional sense.) Don’t want people in my nether-regions, don’t want to be in other people’s nether regions. My orientation is very personal, and is not all universal (every ace is different). Being Ace means being confused by other people’s actions all the time. Are they flirting with each other or objectifying each other? Is a question I have trouble answering because I don’t experience sexual attraction. Note: Asexuality can be influenced by past experiences or neurodivergence, as well as not. They are still valid. At any rate, it’s none of your business unless the individual in question feels you should know. Also, fluidity is a thing. The first time I came out, it was to my mom. Coming out got easier as I did it more. I’m out to most of my friends, but not all of my family or church. I am not repressed. If I wanted sex, I’d get it. I’m just not remotely interested and honestly kind of bored by the whole idea. My aromanticism and my asexuality are not linked to each other. They are two separate identities which coexist. When you come out, you’re gonna have to give people vocabulary lessons, so prepare yourself for that. You don’t have to come out of course. I’m lucky enough to have friends who understand and care enough to learn stuff about me.
I’m a sex-repulsed asexual. Some aces are sex repulsed and others aren’t. There are also aces that have sex and some that don’t, all asexuality really means is that you don’t experience sexual attraction, which I describe as “seeing hotness” when people ask. My sex repulsion (which is on the more intense side) feels like three big eels in my body, one in my spine and two in my gut. When a certain line is crossed in sexual images being too graphic or the sexual ideas contained in anything just gets too vivid, I get this immediate fight-or-flight response. I just need to get away. I also feel queasy and I have a bunch of adrenaline in my system. I’ve slowly gained a bit more of a tolerance as I get older, but when my mom tried to give me the talk in late middle school (then again a year or so later) I just ran away and locked myself in my room. I almost puked. Now that I’m in college, I had to leave the classroom when we watched part of a documentary on pornography, and I could barely handle the discussion when I was in the room. But again, my experience of this is pretty intense and some asexuals aren’t even sex-repulsed.
What it’s like being asexual
Being told by parents that I must have a hormonal imbalance
Being told it must be a result of trauma or heartbreak
Having guys say they’ll “fix” me
Being told I can’t be ace because I can’t make sex jokes (that’s what she said and the like)
Being guilted into sexual situations by my ex girlfriend
“You’ll understand when you’re older”
Random uncomfortable nsfw things on tumblr
Being the only virgin that doesn’t constantly complain about being a virgin (the more light-hearted aspects)
Starting sentences with “my asexual ass”
Not getting jokes that include clicking on nsfw things because I didn’t click
“F*** you” “I’m ace you’re out of luck” “I’m also ace you turnip”
Yelling “age of consent” when sexual things happen in movies
“Sex is hilarious that doesn’t mean I want to do it”
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