#KtBProblems

Adventures of the One and Only

[psycho918-blog]

Lil Ponder

Why hasn't Los Angles invented some sort of crazy transport system yet?? Or at least patented and marketed the torture that is rush hour. Just sayin' I'd give up all sorts of state secrets to get off the 405 before I'm 80....

[psycho918-blog]

Lil Ponders

There's an adopt the highway sign on the 405 in Long Beach, that states it's sponsored by "Atheists United." What are they united about?? Litter must be a serious business.

[psycho918-blog]

#travelrant

If you don’t know by now you have to put your purse, laptop, backpack etc in the overhead bin when you sit in the bulkhead…. You shouldn’t be allowed to sit there.

If the flight attendant actually has to come over and tell you-then you fight with her….It should be more like “hi sir, I see you don’t know how to function in public. Let’s trade seats with someone who does.“

[psycho918-blog]

For reference... Here are my gigantic wrists. I guess I was unaware how gigantic they are. They make this cocktail napkin look tiny.

[psycho918-blog]

I know this was supposed to chronicle all my fun dating and ridiculous antics.... And it will but please forgive me while I break for some realness right now. Please excuse this post. 1. I am totally good with myself in all ways. The way I look, my personality you name it. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I totally get it, no hard feelings. 2. This post is in no way a pity grab for compliments. If you know me you know that number 1. Is totally true, and that I give myself all the compliments I need. 3. The I cure cancer comment is something I laugh about with my friends to be obnoxious-but if you're unaware I work with clinical trials for cancer. Comment came up randomly in a joking way prior to below. This is an exchange from this morning I had with some dude named 🙊💩 Met this guy "on-line" last week-it doesn't matter the service bc well I've had this happen on tinder, match and anything in between. All of you single people will know where this is going and the non-singles will finally understand why asking anyone-have you tried online-is super offensive. Mini background on the conversation below. We start chatting Thursday, normal, meet Friday for drinks, generally well-he's awkward and attempts general bad jokes but nothing out of bounds and in general my standards are so low at this point. I rate it a pretty good date. General texting things throughout weekend-both had other plans- no major red flags other than him trying to be funny all the time but again my standards are low and who doesn't like funny. Even when it's bad. Monday morning general texting. He calls randomly at 8am..with really nothing to say. So I'm like ok well cool I have to go do something now. He's states that he needs to turn around then because he's about "a mile out." A mile out? Of where?? Well I was going to surprise you and come meet you. Umm, how do you know where I am??! Oh this is awkward now. Um yeah-did you stalk me? What's going on? Oh haha it's a joke just kidding, I'm sitting in the garage at work. Um ok? What the hell is happening. I wanted to play a trick on you to get back at you for what you do. Lost again dude... You crush everyone's spirits. ---Oh wow. Are you serious right now? Oh are we fighting???? Um no idea but you call me up randomly to tell me I crush people's spirits??! I continue with some sort of I have no idea what's happening or what happened but definitely not getting it. He hangs up on me. And I get a text an hour later that says worst day ever. -at this point-I mean probably at the phone call I was super done. However, at 3am this morning he calls me. No voicemail and I debate answering and just yelling but then I remember this is the dude who jokes where I live and is probably super unstable. *please know I didn't tell him where I live or anything crazy either* This is where the texts start this morning with my wtf. I'm so done. Comment. Thoughts on these posts. 1. This dude has kids? Damn. 2. I should be really offended by this but sadly this happens quite often that I don't really care bc see all the way above at #1. 3. Calling my wrists fat actually made me laugh. Like out loud at the airport bc it's just ridiculous if you're going to call me fat to pick my wrists of all things to go after. -this i still find super amusing. 4. Is being hot in a pictures way bad?? I think I'd rather that than being good looking in real life and not photogenic. I mean plenty of people make a living this way. #nofilters or contouring used. I'm just tired of these trolls online. Mothers check yours kids messages and make sure they're not this dude. Bc He isn't alone in this. If my wrists are super offensive. -still laughing at this- Well then let's learn how to communicate that in a way that doesn't include this. Again you don't like me. That's cool. No big deal. Totally not offended if I don't hear from you again. Maybe my wrists are super offensive. But regardless this just isn't cool anymore

[psycho918-blog]

This is a Family Establishment

It’s Friday evening, I’m feelin a tad famished and lazy, why not call up my cousin, Vivian*, and head to the neighborhood pizza ‘joint.  As Oregano’s is advertised.  I’m not sure why this sounded like a good idea, except I obviously wanted to wait 90 minutes to eat my weight in mediocre carbs. Kids, sometimes I eat my feelings, and tonight was no exception.  

The night as rather uneventful, got seats at the outside bar, made chit chat with the random middle aged couples on, “Date Night,” but all in all nothing special. Vivian picked the most bland pizza ever made, and we begrudgingly ate it while I realized, “Ah, this is why I haven’t been here in two  years...”

At the end of our dinner we decided to try out the latest Snap Chat Filters, as classy adults do.  After, many face swaps, we chatted with this random 3 some that showed up next to us.  Dude1, like SoCal burnout, huge blonde hair, black hat, black shirt talked like from Laguna, but from Joseph City, AZ (I don’t know where it is either, he said 2 “big cities” it was near and I vaguely remember driving through.  Also, as a real estate tip, never live in a place one can describe, “You know where that big power plant is at”?  Never good property value, but what do I know.  These kids could be millionaires. Chick, super young barely 21, and acted like it, Dude2, another burnout possibly, in the program or on probation because didn’t drink.  

I chime into their conversation, because I have no boundaries, when I hear them asking the server about shots.  Shots? Oh like good ones? Oh shots were fun at one point *says everyone before they vomit.  There are many discussions about good shots, as Chick wants something sweet, super girly and does not taste like alcohol aka the reason I’m not a feminist.  I suggest kamikaze’s as they taste like lemonade (?), and didn’t you know she totally saved that to her pintrest board to try later. So she continues to ask the bartender for like these like shots like that she like wants, but like totally doesn’t like want because she doesn’t like the taste of alcohol.  Our cute bartender is like, yo this isn’t really the place to do “shots,” but I guess I can see what we can do.  He leaves, Vivian, tells a bunch of dad hipster jokes to Dude1 and he laughs forever, so this was worth it.  

At some point cute bartender comes back and says he can do shots of rum, vodka, or gin.  Chick strikes out rum, because like she got really sick on rum and cokes when she first started drinking 6 months ago, because she didn’t know any better.  So I say, go vodka all the way, no one ever wants to do straight gin..super poor decision, and those are all the ones I make.  After debate and her still trying to do gin, I finally say, look just do tequila and call it a night.  Yeah I said it, I’m not proud.  Dude1 orders 3 tequila shots.  Cute bartender brings them out in margarita glasses with a salted rim and a lime, sets one down in front of me.  Oh no, I’m good here Dude1 you take this, No I insist you do...oh are you sure? Oh ok then, thanks!-said no one over 21 ever to a tequila shot.  I explain how to take the shot to the Chick who then states, she can not drink shots...........................................................................................................................................Literally, explaining the licking and drinking took 4 minutes, while she exclaimed I can’t do this!...................................................................................................I then look at Vivian and say, “Fuck my poor choices.”  

Finally a countdown happens, shots are taken, and I actually say well that wasn’t bad for a tequila shot.  Chick is like my heart hurts.  “Does it feel like you swallowed a Mexican who kicked it”? Yes!! it does!! “Well honey welcome to tequila, that’s exactly what happened, you met Jose.”  We get invited to party at Golfland later but politely excused ourselves and evacuated the premises.  “Vivian, we need to leave immediately, I just took a tequila shot at a family establishment at 8:30pm. Nothing after right now will be good.” “Shit,why did I do that, that was an awful idea.  Who takes tequila shots at Oreganos? Make better choices.”  

Blogs fueled by tequila and tiredness, could be worse.

*See what I did there

[psycho918-blog]

Wait For It....

Kids, you’ve all been waiting for this for a long time.  A place to come back and relive the stupid shit that I get into on a regular basis.  Please feel free to immerse yourself in the Bacchanalia I call life...see I’m smart too, you didn’t think I knew that word.You probably don’t. ps it means “Drunken Revelry,” but obviously you knew that because you googled it real fast before you continued reading. 

Ground rules: I’m sort of an adult, so no revealing info will be shared (I ask you for the same), I have made up nicknames for everyone, except for where I haven’t, so have fun guessing, The events I portray will be exaggerated to my liking and for your entertainment, as I see fit.

 So hang tight, let me be your spirit guide.