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YEARS i’ve spent “dealing” because nobody wanted to take me seriously and now that i’m well and truly miserable and incapable of pushing myself i’m just stuck!

#this fucking sucks. it SUCKS.#i am in so much pain #nothing i can do at home helps #and i don’t have anywhere to go #i’m stuck in an infinite loop of ‘we’ll get to it tomorrow’#and there are so many plans i don’t know how to follow through on #because i can hardly fucking move

i am not equipped for this life i’ve been forced to live

#i’m not ready to live alone. i’m not ready to take care of myself like this. i’m not ready to make these choices #i don’t know if i ever will be

why does it always seem to happen when i’m alone?

#or maybe i am just always alone #that’s what it feels like #i don’t know what to do with myslef anymore

it’s the last day of the last year i knew you

#this pain is… everlasting #what’s that quote about it being love with no place to go?#there’s so much love #there will always be so much love for you #nothing will ever be right again

i live in isolation and i’m just… so tired of it

#what is wrong with me?

it’s snowing today

#the first of the season #i love you sweet boy

i’m sorry i put it off. i thought we had forever.

#the little things #all the fucking little things

it’s just this fucking void

#i think i’m almost doing ok #and then it hits me all at once when i’m alone #and i think maybe i can learn to live like this #and i’m reminded just how much i hate life without you #my sweet baby boy #you deserved so much more time

IM DONE!!! PLAYING!!! THERAPIST!!!!!!

#why will nobody fucking leave me alone #i can’t #i CANT #i am just BARELY hanging on #i am so fucking unstable in ways that i can’t even describe #i am utterly fucking exhausted and miserable #i miss my fucking dog i cannot cannot CAN. NOT. handle this any fucking more #sorry if i’m a bad friend sorry if im fucking selfish but i’m so OVER it #give me some fucking space. please.

i’m so tired of the hurt

#it’s not getting any easier #why isn’t it getting any easier?

.

#your heart kept beating even after you’d taken your last breath #you were always fucking stubborn #especially when it came to drugs meant to put you under #and i know that’s just the way it works sometimes #but a part of me feels like maybe you just weren’t ready to go #i know i wasn’t #i don’t think i’ll ever stop feeling this fucking pain

it hits the hardest late at night

#i just don’t feel #right without you

my heart hurts so bad just thinking about you, sweet boy

#i wish so desperately that you could meet him #i love him so much #but he’s not you

ptsdpup

nothing scares me more than good news

#and. well.#i was right.

nothing scares me more than good news

#first in a while #i’m trying REALLY hard not to cling on until i know for certain #but…#it’s promising

didn’t realize just how much it would hurt to hear

#neighbor got a new puppy #i feel sick

not once. not ONE fucking check in.

#tell me you don’t even think about me

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