thick-skinned chameleon

jtl. 29. heart-sweating.

[northwindow]

from Bhanu Kapil’s The Vertical Interrogation of Strangers

[kaitlynefallon]

Ceiling in the Courtyard at Casa Milà, Barcelona

[nobrashfestivity]

Nan Goldin Swan-like embrace, Paris from Matthew Marks Gallery, 28 October to 23 December 2011.

[metamorphesque]

"The Brothers Karamazov", Fyodor Dostoevsky (translated by Constance Garnett)

[pulledheartstring]

thick-skinned chameleon lover

underwater visions fighting peace of my heart– fractures and failed ties putting myself together first in time, anticipating another.

how am i supposed to ensure someone will accept my flaws? my inner fires? my emotional intensity? will i be “over the top”, do i have to adjust to someone, another time again?

how can we start holding hands forever, when i wasn’t even informed that you had already let go? (you let me go. you didn’t want to deal with the hard times i was too much of a burden.)

how much did i compromise for us to be together? did you see me then, and now did you appreciate watching me consumed alive shades of gray, cold, unassuming, the lack of touch.

we falter, we hold onto lost hopes and illusions i can only commit to treason romance sets their eyes on me, only intimacy’s predator always on the hunt.

[pulledheartstring]

i kept dreaming about partners and what it would be like to be under that guise. with another person. waking up between dreams to hold his hand. going into another dream where an infatuation from the past continues to follow me, we always dwindle between the lines of what it would have been. figures of a different possibility. i can never capture how it feels in that moment, even if it's just seeing you (it was always that way). this tone of warm orange fire. my mind is embedded. it's a night sky romance. like i'm the moon, you've been orbiting around me, and i don't know how to approach you.

[stitchblades]

jenny holzer, SURVIVAL (1983-85)

[somethoughtseeds]

[zegalba]

Abeliophyllum, the miseonnamu, Korean abeliophyllum, white forsythia, or Korean abelialeaf, is a monotypic genus of flowering plants in the olive family, Oleaceae. It consists of one species, Abeliophyllum distichum Nakai, endemic to Korea, where it is endangered in the wild, occurring at only seven sites.

[vauxshop]

[sleepingpigeon]

the biggest lesson im learning is that nothing is as extreme or as permanent as our emotions convince us they are. nothing is certain and things are always fluctuating and there are always exceptions and there are always mistakes. there is always pain and there is always love. everything is a delicate touch away from changing

[kreativekopf]

Shi Xiaofan aka 时晓凡 (Chinese, b. 1975, Tianjin, China, based Beijing, China)

[elllayelich]

doctor who, legend of the sea devils (2022)

portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019)

the handmaiden (2016)

[nicolezaridze]

shout out to google maps idk how to draw houses

[derangedrhythms]

Margaret Atwood, You Are Happy; ‘Memory’

[llovinghome]

[medievalswords]

when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”

[gnascher]

when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

[darkalleysunflower]

when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”