i think about it every day but specifically i think about the line "i thought you'd killed yourself" "no, sir, that was my brother" partly because i think it's a great example of why the bear is partly identifiable as a comedy, it's just a comedy in the way that fleabag is a comedy, which is to say that you can laugh at it or you can cry at it and you just kind of have to decide which you're going to do at that specific time you're watching it.
but anyway, when i'm crying about that line, i'm thinking abt how much it speaks to the family's impressions of mikey and carmy--michael, the confident, suave, charming older brother, taking care of his mother, taking care of the family business, and carmy, the nervous, stuttering, tiny little kid who ran away from home. i'm thinking about how specific carmy's nyc chef/nightmare/memory is when he says, you should be dead. mostly, i'm thinking about this idea that in the extended family, when someone came home for dinner or hung up the phone, and they said "one of the berzatto kids shot themselves," everyone probably assumed it was been carmy. hell, carmy would've probably bet against himself, too. i think it speaks to this shock not only that michael would do that, that he was so bad off, but the complete lack of shock anyone has that carmy would, that carmy is unstable or unwell. and all of those ideas and anxieties of carmy's existed way before michael shot himself.
and to those points, i mean, it's reasonable that carmy is shocked too and that's part of the horror that he's kind of working through. he might have had this impression of mikey that he's selfish and an asshole and careless and that's why he's not talking, that's why he's not picking up the phone, that's why carmy can't work at the beef, and that's the image that mikey would rather carmy have than the truth. and the image that mikey has of carmy is that he's successful, that he's doing way better for himself than he could have ever done if he had to be here in the shitty beef restaurant with his shitty brother. and that compounds for both of them--mikey believes carmy is better off without him, carmy believes mikey has decided he's happier without him, and they don't talk, and they don't know how much the other one is suffering, and it never gets talked about, and it's just a fucking tragedy.
but also it's funny. that line is funny. it's a funny show. i mean that. i frequently think about "but you droooveee in this mooornninnng". like it is funny. but also. it is the saddest show ive ever seen
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