A Brief History of Earthlings
The details of a strange transmission received from the far reaches of space, the origins of which are still not known. (contains: force feeding, sci-fi weight gain, extreme immobility/blob, alien-human petplay. this one is pretty out there, pun intended)
Most Zelthians think they know what an Earthling is. You probably know at least one person in your life who keeps an Earthling as a pet, or you might even have one yourself! However, not every Zelthian knows where these cute little beasts come from, and how they came to be domesticated here on Zular! In this brief guide, we will supply some tips for choosing and caring for your pet Earthling, as well as some lesser known facts about the species.
For example, were you aware that Earthlings aren't even from Zular in the first place? It's true!
The fact is that many years ago, a ship of Zelthian explorers discovered a small, barely habitable planet in a remote part of the galaxy, and were surprised to find it contained life!
The dominant life form on the planet was of low intelligence, and most of them were unremarkable. From what the explorers could tell, these inhabitants were barely able to maintain a society for more than a few hundred years before it would inevitably collapse back into chaos. This planet is known as Earth, and these inhabitants, if you can believe it, were the ancestors of the Earthlings we now know today.
You see, most of these original Earthlings did not at all resemble what you would imagine based on the Earthlings you might see on Zular today. These creatures were small, about 1/20th the size of an adult Zelthian on average, with scrawny, minuscule limbs. You might also be surprised to learn that the vast majority of these Earthlings were completely ambulatory, able to move about freely with their small skinny pairs of legs.
However, a subset of the population of Earthlings caught the explorer's eyes. The richest, most decadent and seemingly high-caste humans would balloon outwards, gaining layers of a coveted substance known as "adipose" or "fat". Once they had gained enough to become immobile, they would be waited on like royalty by their fellow Earthlings.
The "fattest" of these Earthlings closely resembled Zelthians at their helpless larval stage, and as a result the explorers found themselves overcome with protective, affectionate feelings toward these creatures in particular. While they were still only a fraction of the size of the Earthlings you see around you today, the Zelthian explorers couldn't help but discreetly bring some of them back to Zular on their return mission. They had grown attached to the chubby little things!
Most of the pet Earthlings we now have on Zular are descendants of either that first voyage, or the number of voyages which took place shortly after this discovery was made. Once the first Earthlings were brought to Zular and introduced as pets, their popularity took off quickly and has remained steady ever since.
(Some Zelthians today do still choose to travel to Earth to hand-pick their own pet. While the process is considerably more time consuming, it is said that this ultimately creates a deeper bond between a Zelthian and their Earthling pet.)
If you are one of the majority who chooses to go with the simple route, you are probably not aware of the developmental stages of an Earthling. This is because domesticated Earthlings are primarily raised in breeding shelters until they have grown to an appropriate size.
What is the "appropriate size", you might ask?
Earthlings are born in a very small and vulnerable state, even compared to the Zelthian larvae they later grow to resemble. They never go through metamorphosis, even in adulthood, and thus never develop any exoskeleton to speak of. Earthlings raised on Zular are also ambulatory for a period between infancy and adulthood, and must be kept under constant watch to prevent them from hurting themselves.
For these reasons, Earthlings are cared for in specially adapted nurseries and shelters until they reach biological adulthood and can safely be administered their first course of Earthing Growth Hormone, or EGH. By this age an Earthling's regular diet has typically rendered it unable to ambulate on its own, and can be transported by their caretakers on convenient pullable rolling carts.
This is another crossroads at which a potential pet owner must make a decision. If you are buying your Earthling as a companion for a child, perhaps you might want to buy one that has not yet been administered EGH so that your kiddo can join in on watching them grow. This process involves feeding your Earthling regular daily doses of EGH disguised as tasty treats. With each dose, you will see your Earthling balloon to their full potential, until they reach their cutest and most squishable size!
If you are looking for something that requires a little less maintenance, then it would be better to get a fully grown adult who has already been administered a full course of EGH. This way, not only will you be able to go straight to enjoying your pet's adipose, but it will also already be tube-trained.
It must be noted that some Zelthians protest the use of EGH, claiming that the rapid growth process is extremely uncomfortable or even painful to Earthlings. However, most experts agree that while the process may cause some discomfort, it is ultimately enjoyable for the Earthling, as the EGH is simply helping their body do what it was designed to.
So, while you may hear some slight protestations from your pet during a course of EGH due to some skin soreness, rest assured that they will be alright in the end. If you are worried, simply encourage any children around to be less rough with their pet during these changes. And if you do choose to forego EGH entirely, be aware that the growth process for your pet will be extremely sluggish compared to others.
(Let it also be noted that some pet owners choose to keep their adult humans on a perpetual dose of EGH. While this is not strictly illegal, it is not advised by most Earthling experts, as the constant relentless growth is found to be detrimental. Additionally, be warned that the creation of and participation in contests where pet owners compete to grow the largest Earthling are in fact illegal, and are considered a black market practice.)
Once an Earthling has gone through a complete course of EGH and finally reached their most jiggly stage, they are ready to be mounted in a harness, usually one hung from the ceiling. This is the style of presentation that most Zelthians will be aware of, whether they have their own Earthling at home or not: a big, squishy, ball-like creature, with round appendages and adorably squashed facial features, its belly and appendages help up in a reinforced harness. However, not everyone is aware of why this is the recommended way to store your Earthling.
You see, being without an exoskeleton or the ability to move about on their own, a fattened Earthling runs the risk of growing sores in the folds between their lovely layers of fat. This is also why it is recommended to clean the folds of your Earthling frequently and thoroughly! Suspending them from the ceiling decreases the number of contact points against their body, thereby decreasing the chance of sores.
There's another obvious plus to this style of enclosure for your Earthling: it's the most fun! Hanging them from the ceiling allows for easy access to that jiggly mass of adipose known as the "belly", letting the owner squish, knead, and play with it to their heart's content! When setting up the straps for your Earthling, remember to support five points: the four side appendages, and of course the belly.
While it is considered safe to release your Earthling's belly from its harness for short periods for both cleaning and petting purposes, it is important to always return the belly harness afterwards so the weight does not accidentally injure your Earthling. After all, their belly is their largest and heaviest extremity!
Now that you have the enclosure for your Earthling taken care of, it's time to move on to the most important aspect of care: feeding!
Most pet owners will opt to tube-feed their Earthling, as it is one of the only ways to maintain a consistent proper diet for them if you do not have time for hourly hand-feedings. Occasional hand-feeding is encouraged to create a bond between owner and pet, but in most cases it should not be the main source of nutrition.
Earthling tube feed supplies can be purchased at any commercial pet supply store. The calorie-rich feed, when mixed with water, provides all the fatty goodness needed to not only satisfy your Earthling, but keep them at a consistent rotund size (the feed also comes in a number of flavors that are scientifically tested to be enjoyable to Earthlings). If you doubt its tastiness, you need only listen to the groans of satisfaction from your pet once its hooked up to the feeding tube.
Remember that, while your Earthling may begin to beg for food regularly at this size, it is not recommended to keep their feeding tube attached at a constant rate. It's best to set up a feeding tank schedule for your Earthling that accounts for their desired size while also working around around your own schedule. If are unhappy with the size of your Earthling and wish to continue growing it past its initial course of EGH, be sure to consult an Earthling specialist on the correct course of action. While it is possible that another course of EGH could be prescribed, usually an adjustment in diet is the first step.
For the sake of cleanliness, it is also recommended that you acquire relief valves for your Earthling's waste excretions. Earthlings excrete waste from two different locations on their rear end. If your Earthling is refusing oral tube-feeding for whatever reason, feeding from one of these two locations is possible, but please be sure to keep your tubes clearly labelled if you choose to go down this route. For further information, be sure to consult your local pet store or Earthling expert.
And with that, you should know almost all you need to know about caring for an Earthling! In the next section, we will go over the recent fad which has taken Zular by storm: breeding and rearing your very own pet Earthlings right at home!
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