tired.

I decided to create this and now I have to write something daily.

[purplebadland]

why am i too afraid of living?

[purplebadland]

it was hard to break my mom’s expectations. i am not that little innocent girl she thinks i am. i am not a good daughter. i am not enough for them. i am still afraid of talking with my dad. i hate myself for that. now i am crying and that’s the only thing i think i can do. i don’t stop thinking about how i disappointed them. how i skrull everything up. i wish i was raised in a different way. i wish i wasn’t scared of talking about my deep questions. i wish i didn’t care that much.

[purplebadland]

my mind is a mess. i don’t feel like doing anything else. everything seems so difficult. everything seems so strange. i can’t decide if i want to be with you or if i want to be alone. i don’t know if i like you enough. i don’t know if i care. i wish i never met you.

[purplebadland]

You do not have to like things just because I like them. It will not make me be your girlfriend. I do not want to date you. I do not think you are my type. I do not like you. This bothers me.

[as-pessoas-sempre-se-vao]

Por Lugares Incríveis ( All the Bright )

[purplebadland]

So the write everyday thing did not work out, but I am here again in a desperate moment. My uncle sucks. I am tired of this. He is a 40 years old baby. I hate him. He makes my grandmother suffers. I hate him. I want to leave so much. I can not handle this kind of person. How do you ask people to do something for you if you do not have the money to pay it. I am sick of him. I hate him. I want to take the bus that leaves at 3 pm, but if I do what am I supposed to say to my dad? Am I supposed to say that my uncle still sucks? That he is never going to get better?  If I do that I will hurt my mom so badly. I do not want to hurt her. But her family sucks.

[purplebadland]

I wish I have someone to think about when I listen to love songs.

[purplebadland]

I kinda do not worry a lot about a major that I think I am going to fail. Because I know I can do it again, although I do not want to. I do not think I was (am) prepared for college. I wished I was more proactive and get a job and make some money and buy a car.

[purplebadland]

Focus is not that important sometimes.

[purplebadland]

I feel sad and angry when I come here. I do not like this environment. I do not agree with their opinions and with their way of living. But what am I supposed to do? I can do nothing about it.

[purplebadland]

“Promise me a place in your house of memories.” 

[purplebadland]

I was walking in the halls of the mall with my parents when some guards from the government entered in it. All the stores started closing their doors, and the employees got out using the back door. My parents and I ran to one store that wasn’t closed yet, but the way of getting out was a bit awkward. You have to sit on a bench, a water drop falls in your forehead and your thoughts appear in a monitor right in front of you. My parents go first, both of then succeed but I did not. What showed in the monitor wasn’t what was supposed to. The guards got me. They were asking for my phone with some kind of brutality, I gave then my music phone - I have two phones, one that only plays music and one with real phone settings. Without me noticing I was in a room with the rest of the people that were in the mall. I was starting to think about all the movies and tv series I watched before in a hope to have positive thoughts about that situation, but all of then had a lit bit of suffering in the middle. People were being called one by one and some of them came back to the room and the others did not. I took my regular phone from my pocket and there were messages from my mom. The messages said they were fine - relief - but the world was completely different from what it was before we entered in that mall - I did not know what else to think on that point. I opened the video app - I watch videos all the time - to check if there were some videos about what was happening but there weren’t any. Instead, videos were saying good stuff about the government and videos teaching how to be a good citizen - it had started. Before they called me, I saw a window in the highest spot of the wall and I was trying to figure out a way to get out of that room through the window. I started climbing the wall, it was a brick wall - so there were some places where I could hold and climb. I finally get in the window, I opened it and realized it was not a window but an air duct, I got in it. Already in the air duct, I started crawling through it and I found a way out, but it wasn’t quite what I was expecting. The duct air led a way to the sea, so without thinking I started swimming and swimming and swimming until I heard a loud sound. I looked back and the room where I was exploded. And started seeing bodies in the water and started I panicked.