Prapai reinventes intimate touch for Sky, who has previously been to used to associate such intimacy as something triggering, unwanted and dirty at worst and at best as something he needs to pay as a currency for being ‘loved’. However, Pai makes him rethink that notion and re-discover what it means to be truly touched by someone after everything he’s been though.
The difference comes down to the fact that this is the first time Sky is being touched by someone who treasures and cherishes him, by someone who places his well-being above his own pleasure and needs. Pai never asks what Sky can do for him but constantly comes up with new ways to help Sky, ready to bend over backwards just to see him smile and getting frustrated and desperate when it seems he can’t.
He literally strives to make Sky’s life better and happier whether it’s treating his illness, chasing his loneliness away, keeping his nightmares at bay, or even such mundane things as washing his clothes and buying him food to make sure he eats.
I already previously mentioned how touch is Prapai’s way to express his love for people. In other words, it’s a visceral means of non-verbal communication for him and thus extremely important. Sometimes, when words are not enough or in moments when some emotions are just to overwhelming to put into words because it’s too fast too soon, he delivers what he feels this way and thus bridges the distance between him and Sky, and Sky sub-consciously understands that message, which might not have been put into words but it’s still been delivered loud and clear - everything that Pai communicates and offers him with those touches: the solace, the hidden love, care,…
Those touches are always meant to protect, soothe, comfort and support, never to take. He actually turns himself in Sky’s personal shoulder to lean on. All Pai asks in return is a chance and a smile.
Some may say Pai is selling himself short when asking so little for so much; however, in his eyes it’s all worth it, he is giving Sky his everything and it’s an equal exchange because Sky is beyond and above any value because you can’t but a value on something that is priceless and, in Prapai’s eyes, Sky is priceless.
Throughout his courtship, Prapai showers Sky with myriad of touches, and whereas at the beginning of their relationship Sky either merely put up with them or rejected them, now he doesn’t just accept them, he has been eagerly taking them, actively seeking them, trying to prolong them and make them last as long as possible. It’s like a guilty pleasure for him as he tries to steal as many as possible. All because he’s been touch-starved and love-starved for so long, and what’s more, he is even Pai-starved.
Gradually, he becomes addicted to it because he’s been starved for so long that now he can’t get enough but he still lacks the courage and confidence so he needs an excuse. Sometimes, it’s the excuse of ‘payment’ because he doesn’t want to owe Pai anything, other times, it’s when he finally allows himself to show all that blatant longing when Pai is sleeping.
He allows himself to touch Pai without the excuse of any payment - the gentle way he places his second hand on their intertwined hands, the shy way he tentatively brushes Prapai’s hair with his fingers. Compared to the way how self-assured he was when having sex with Pai, it feels so clumsy and vulnerable and inexperienced, as if it’s his first time touching someone this way, as if his ex taught him to fuck and how to bring HIM pleasure but never how to lovingly touch because his ex never lovingly touched him.
However, what truly gutted me was SKY PRETENDING TO SUFFER FROM A NIGHTMARE (the person who refuses to show any weakness to anyone and has been so fiercely independent his whole life) AND USE IT AS A GUISE TO STOP PRAPAI FROM LEAVING HIM, EVEN FOR A SECOND, AND AS AN EXCUSE TO CLING ONTO HIM.
And Sky knew what Pai would do, Sky knew that Pai would envelop him in his strong embrace and comfort him throughout the night as he slept because Pai told him he had done it the previous night. It shows the depth of Sky’s sheer need and yearning for Prapai and his hidden abandonment issues. Some people might say Prapai is the more desperate one of them, but the truth is, Sky is as desperate and as in love with Pai as Pai is with him.
janainaart
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
