nice

Ken's personal/vent blog like everything u read no matter how far back u go lol I'm not gonna tag anything here

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there's something that feels really shameful about knowing my mother has done heroin lol

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God I'm like the opposite of most people I binge whenever I'm out with friends instead of being shy to eat but fuck I just got home and the first thing I did was throw up lol I feel like it was justified since I ate like a bunch of bread some s'mores and like 5 greasy pork tacos which I hate mtself for and then I was already regretting so I binged more on an ice cream cookie and a bunch of chocolate and my stomach hurt really bad and I feel slightly less uncomfortable now

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wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

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really mad that I can't take laxatives anymore because that's my fav way to purge ugh

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I want to die I'm so disgusting I need to stop binge eating daily

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really happy cuz I'm falling in love w someone that I think really will be good for me but scared because it's happening fast and I can't stop it and I'm afraid we're gonna burn our relationship out way too soon or it just falls apart for whatever reason or oh my god what if I spend my whole life with this girl ? that's wild. I'm scared brah lol we really only known each other like.. a week.. but it's intense. like you'd think we'd been dating for months. but idk how to slow down, and idk if I want to, bc I'm honestly enjoying myself, I'm just worried I'm not protecting myself, and I'm gonna get really hurt, worse than last time because this is even more intense, than last time, even though she seems to feel exactly the same way about me, I'm just scared, God, fuck emotional trauma

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I want to beat your ugly face in until there's nothing left of it but a bloody pulp. I won't stop until your skull is turned to dust and your own mother cant even identify your body. for you, that would be an improvement, you hideous, disgusting, stinking pig. you sorry excuse for a human being. I can't believe I ever called you my best friend. I hate you.

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lol that one time when I told her "text me if you need anything" and she texted back immediately "I need you" I love memories like that

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tfw u usually internalize stuff but ur feeling angry and outwardly aggressive lately

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i feel like I'm weird and fucked up and can't make friends my own age

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tbh, I have had sex out of obligation for many more times than I'd like to say I have

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damn if this is true I’d be making not too bad tbh like. I did a quick budget of it and assumed if I made 43k a year, I’d probably get about 36k after taxes(??? maybe. I just googled 43k after taxes and that’s what came up lol) and if I divide that over a year I’d get about 3k a month, which if I have a roommate would totally be doable. it would probably be doable anyway but if I had a roommate we could split the rent and shit which would leave more money for other things…. and that makes that $11k tuition not seem too bad…

TBH I feel like I’m doing all of this money stuff wrong and I sound like a naive child and I have no idea what I’m actually talking about I’m just dividing random numbers I see on the Internet :// lol like. is this how life works ? actually tell me if I’m wrongg if u read this lol please

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thinking about if I apply to northwest academy next year.. tuition roughly $11k for a 7,9, or 12 month program, which id decide depending on my work I guess ?? classes start in February March and May which gives me about a year to get my shit together, as in employment and living situations. My family is planning on moving in April and I def won’t have a job and roommate and everything ready by then so I’ll probably have to live w them, and I’ll stay w them til the lease is up wherever they live (hopefully it’ll be a short lease ugh) so I don’t leave them w extra rent and shit BC I would feel so guilty. after that I’ll need a roommate tho. I highly doubt I can live on my own lmao.

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the plan so far: get my ID get my GED get a job get a place w someone go to school for massage therapy get a job in massage therapy (which will almost definitely pay better than whatever bum ass job I will probably get before this) go to uni (hopefully?) ???? profit

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stamped down in a box, face bruised blue

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just 19, a sucker’s dream, I guess I thought you had the flavor

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ngl if I ever have actual access to alcohol on a regular basis im gonna be an alcoholic. like. I can totally see that happening. I got drunk twice in one week and now I'm craving it lol