it feels nice to be more like me …
i have a better understanding of what I was trying to tell myself back when I designed/customized this particular Crux back in 2012. the idea of punk– but the punk that’s constantly misunderstood by society. punk is love, and standing up to corruption.
mismatch has always been “genderless” but I realize it wasn’t me trying to be nonbinary or genderless or anything like that, but rather not wanting to fit into someone’s rigid description of me.
mismatch is he/they. mismatch is kind and loving and very passionate and has so much lust for life. he gets into a ton of trouble with his mouth–he stumbles through things, bumbling his way through friendships and gaffs. he wants so badly to have a lot of friends.
he has a hard time telling when he’s being taken advantage of, he trusts too quickly, and it’s difficult for him to maintain focus on just one thing. in 2012, I didn’t know that I had ADHD. I was diagnosed as a child, but I didn’t remember it. It wasn’t until 2018 that I talked to my mother, asking her “what is wrong with me?” and she said “nothing is wrong, you have adhd!” and I just sat there like
“wha”
and then my life made sense. and then this year, I was reading about the genderqueer identities, and I thought “wow.” cause my life made sense, but from a new perspective.
little truths sprinkled through my life that I was trying to tell myself but not having the words/understanding that I have now.
it’s easy for me to forget who I am a lot. sometimes I feel like I am a voice mail machine, and messages and information pass through me and sit inside me and I end up forgetting what was recorded there before. This time, I want to sit with myself a little longer, and hold onto what it means to be me.
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