BLACK = I would date you.
GREEN = I think you’re cute.
BLUE = You are my tumblr crush.
GREY = I wish you would notice me.
PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog.
TEAL = We have a lot in common.
YELLOW = I don’t know you at all.
ORANGE = I don’t like your blog.
BROWN = I don’t like you.
PINK = I think you are unattractive.
RED = I hate you with a burning passion.
WHITE = You scare me.
RAINBOW = BED PLZ.
SCARLET = You have influenced my decision/thoughts on something.
MAROON = You taught me something new.
CINNAMON = You’re a really cool person and admire you from afar.
PERIWINKLE = You make me laugh
MAUVE = You are really talented
BLUSH = Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better.
CYAN = We have very little in common
THISTLE = I only just started following you
INDIGO = I’ve been following you for a long time
FUCHSIA = Your blog content is gold
COPPER = Your blog content is trash (and I love it)
VERMILION = You make me feel passionate
HONEYDEW = I want to call you by a nickname
LAVENDER = You inspire me
CORAL = You’re a meme
UMBER = I want to know more about you
FORGET-ME-NOT = You remind me of somebody
RAZZMATAZZ = I would share my favorite food with you
ARSENIC = I don’t know how to describe the way I feel about you
WINE = You make me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class
SAFFRON = I love your ideas
TIMBERWOLF = I trust you
FALLOW = I want to run through the Northern wilderness barefoot with you
PLUM = I’d like to chat with you
TANGERINE = I love your aesthetic
SAGE = You make me cry
CRIMSON = We should collaborate on something!
VIRIDIAN = I wanna hang out on your blog
CHARTREUSE = You’re my homie
BURGUNDY = I get excited when I see posts from you
𓊈𝕰𝖓𝖏𝖎𝖓𓊉 : he’s hardcore yearning for you. — part 2
once enjin got your hand he never let it go. it was his hand now and he took good care of it.
at first you both had been so shy about it. his long tattooed fingers brushing yours. pinkies hooked together, like he was afraid he took too much too quickly. until one day you grew bold and slipped your hand in his properly. something in him clicked like a switch flipped, and broke clean off.
after that… oh boy. he held your hand everywhere.
you walked through the base together? his hand engulfed yours.
you sat beside each other? your hand was in his lap and his large hands hugged yours.
you got food together? his thumbs brushed your knuckles lovingly.
enjin was crazy about your new little development in your relationship. for him it was proof of life, like if he let go the world might took you back, and he can’t have that.
you thought it was cute when he rushed towards you and laced your fingers together, thumb rubbing slow circles over your knuckles without realizing he was doing it. sometimes he’d tug you a half-step closer, all instinct, no thought. if someone talked to you too long, his grip tightened always a little.
he was greedy, and yet soft about it. also a little desperate in a way that made your chest warm. with each time he held your hand you fell a little more until that tiny crush turned into something more intense. more beautiful.
and it even changed into something raw as one night you came home late from a cleaner’s job. you swallowed uncomfortably around the dust in your lungs and fought the exhaustion in your bones. at least the base was quiet at night, and the lights dimmed low.
you yawned quietly, and squeezed enjin’s hand. “thanks for coming with me today.” he didn’t need to, but he’d rather not sleep for 48 hours than letting you go out there alone.
“always,” he said immediately before he caught himself and added softer. “anytime.”
you stopped outside your room, rocking back on your heels. “i should let you sleep.” he nodded, but didn’t let go. a tired, but soft smile graced your features as you tugged on his hand. “c’mere.”
you rose onto your toes, and aimed for his cheek. a simple little goodnight kiss. should’ve been easy, simple. except for the fact that enjin was annoyingly tall, and didn’t get the hint to lean down.
your foot slipped slightly against the floor, and your balance tipped forward. instead of cheek your lips missed entirely, and awkwardly landed somewhere near the corner of his mouth.
you could barely call it a kiss, but enjin short circuited. he froze for a moment, his pupils blew wide, breathing stuttering. then he made such a quiet wrecked sound, and grabbed your waist instinctively.
“huh.” you laughed softly at your own clumsiness.
nothing could’ve prepared you for what came next.
enjin dipped his head down, and crowded you against the wall. his mouth found yours, messy and uncoordinated, like he had been starving to kiss you finally. it wasn’t smooth. it wasn’t practiced. it was raw unfiltered need. his lips massaged yours too eager, too wet. enjin lost it completely, and now he didn’t know how to stop once he started.
you squeaked quietly, laughed and he swallowed that noise up. your hands found his jacket as you kissed him back - slow where he was frantic, grounding where he was spiraling.
“enjin,” you breathed against his mouth, half-giggling, half-sighing.
that did undid him completely.
he pulled you even closer with a broken groan as he kissed you more softer this time. he memorized each part of you, tasted your lips, your tongue. it left you breathless and tingling everywhere, and you secretly mourned the loss of his lips when he pulled back.
“i—” he swallowed hard as his forehead dropped to yours. “sorry. i just—”
he looked at you like he might actually blacked out, or eat you right fucking here. his golden eyes almost glowed with the sheer intensity of his emotions.
you smiled up at him with a soft blush, eyes bright. “that was… enthusiastic.”
he laughed breathlessly, and pressed his face into your hair. “i’m so gone for you,” he admitted muffling. “it’s embarrassing.”
“none of this, enjin. it was a good first kiss.” you leaned in and hugged him tightly. “goodnight.”
he nodded and walked away dazed. lips and hands, and everywhere it was still tingling. his brain fully offline.
enjin decided very early on that you were a dangerous being.
no, no - not in the obvious way. you didn’t carry yourself like a threat. no. you smiled too gently. you laughed too quietly at his silliness. you apologized when people bumped into you (and apologized again when enjin shoved them into a wall). soft body, soft voice, soft hands that were always warm when they brushed his arm by accident.
… accident. right. yeah. sure.
you were a fucking menace in the way you didn’t notice him unraveling.
“hey,” you said one morning, peeking around the corner of the base. “i’m heading out. do you need anything?”
enjin was already on his feet, and almost toppled over his feet like an idiot. “i’ll come with you.”
you blinked. “you don’t have to.”
“i know.” he was already grabbing his jacket and lead the way.
this was how it always went. you’d mention something in passing—groceries, errands, a walk, the weather—and enjin would appear like a summoned spirit. he carried your bags. he walked on the street side of the sidewalk. he slowed his stride to match yours, even though it killed him to move that carefully.
and the whole time, he watched you like you might vanish if he blinked. he even avoided smoking around you since that fateful day where he had heard that you didn’t like the smell of smoke.
you hummed as you walked, hands clasped behind your back. the fabric of your sweater stretched softly over your stomach when you moved, the hem brushing your thighs. enjin noticed everything. he hated that he noticed everything. he hated how his heart beat so uncontrolled around you. he hated how his fingers twitched with an urge to touch you. he hated the heat that coiled between his legs whenever… well, it actuallly happened all the time.
“did you sleep okay?” he asked.
“yeah! like a rock.”
“good,” he said too fast. “good.”
he also loved knowing every little thing about you. liked remembering them. your favorite snacks. the way you got cold easily. how you tilted your head when you were thinking. that whenever you speak to rudo or riyo your voice automatically became softer. he stored these details like precious contraband, tucked away in his chest.
at the market, you reached for something on a higher shelf, rising onto your toes. your shirt lifted a little, and showed the soft curve of your hips. your ass. enjin made a noise like a dying engine. maybe a bit of a whimper - there was definitely a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth.
you turned around to him. “you okay?”
“fine,” he lied, staring very hard at a can of peaches. “all good. totally normal.”
you frowned, then shrugged, tossing the item into the basket. “thanks for coming with me, by the way. you’re always so helpful.”
helpful… he nearly bit through his tongue. he nearly went screaming in aisle three. he nearly cried into his jacket.
you didn’t see the way his shoulders slumped a fraction. didn’t see how the word landed wrong, soft and heavy at the same time. helpful was what you called someone safe. someone convenient. someone you didn’t look at the way enjin looked at you.
later, back at the base, you struggled with a door stuck in its frame. you huffed, pushing uselessly.
“here,” enjin said, already there to fix it with one sharp tug.
you beamed up at him. “you’re the best.”
he froze. there was your beautiful smile again. the one that made his chest ache, made his hands curl at his sides like he wanted to reach for you and didn’t trust himself to stop. because once he’d start touching you he’d never be able to stop.
“you okay?” you asked. “you’re being weird today.”
he laughed too loud. “me? always.”
you stepped closer without thinking, peering up at his face. “you sure?”
you were too fucking close. he could smell your soap, feel the warmth of you, see the mouthwatering curve of your body where you stood like you belonged there.
enjin cracked. enjin split open.
“you ever,” he started, then stopped. swallowed. tried again. “you ever think about how you make people feel?”
you blinked confused. “what do you mean?”
fuck. you were so oblivious, and so sweet. you were ruining him.
he dragged a hand through his hair, pacing once like a caged animal. “you smile at me. you thank me. you ask if i’m okay. you let me follow you around like—like this is nothing.”
you laughed softly. “enjin, you don’t have to come with me everywhere.”
“i want to,” he snapped, then winced at himself, “i want to.”
silence stretched. your eyes clash and enjin could watch in real time how the realization settled in your usual brilliant brain.
“oh,” you said, suddenly small.
he stopped pacing and looked at you like you might break. “i’m not saying it’s your fault,” he rushed. “i just needed you to know. i’m not being nice. i’m being gone.”
your cheeks warmed. “gone?”
“for you,” he said simply.
you stared at him, heart pounding. “you… like me?”
enjin sighed quietly. “you still didn’t realize it.”
“i thought you were just… like this.”
he laughed, breathless and disbelieving. “i’m like this because it’s you.”
your expression softened when you heard his response. with a small smile you remembered how enjin had gravitated towards you since you’ve joined the cleaners. you had always thought that he shared the same sentiment for you like he shared for the kids. you were so wrong. but that wrongness made you happy. really happy.
you stepped. loser slowly. “you could’ve said something, enjin. i would’ve listened.”
he dropped his head into his hands. “i’ve been saying something. every day. with my whole damn body.”
you nodded, and reached tentatively to take his hand in yours. you felt the tremble, how warm his skin was. this wasn’t just a crush - he was in love. enjin went still like a good puppy, because that glorious man would wait forever if you asked him to.
“enjin?” you murmured.
“yeah?”
“i don’t mind you following me.”
hope flared in his eyes so fast it almost scared you.
“and,” you added, squeezing his hand once, “you can hold my hand next time. if you want.”
he nodded once. then he nodded enthusiastically while you giggled softly.
hardcore yearner. fully undone. exactly where he wanted to be.
Hi everyone, it's been a few weeks since my last personal update.
To start off, Dad and I had a wonderful time during the holidays. I think I want to move where he is. People are so nice, there's so much to do, AND none of my mother's drama.
Speaking of her, she and her punk bf are still together (how, I'll never know). But Mom has FINALLY stopped forcing me to interact with him and his friends.
The reason is very drastic. She didn't understand what I was afraid of until it nearly happened,
CW- Attempted S'A
I was with them at her bf's apartment one weekend, this was right before my trip with my Dad.
We all went to the mall, went back to his place with his friends, I "entertained" with my guitar, even though I didn't want to, and eventually, they all dispersed so I could sleep. It was good, until 6:30 am when I woke up to one of his friends. In. The. Bed. With me. He was obviously still drunk. I was stunned. He....stuck his hand down my pants. I freaked out and rolled myself up in the comforter to keep him from doing anything else. He just "cuddled" me up and wouldn't leave. After a minute, I sat up and pointed across the room. Fortunately, he knew better and obeyed. I told him " Baño o veite" meaning, Bathroom or leave.
After he went to the other side of the room, (didn't leave yet). I texted my Mom because I had no idea where she was. I called her 7 times and even called her bf. They left their phones in the room so they could get "busy" in the very next room. When they finally came out, Mom was shocked to see me. I was scared, furious and hurt. I told her what happened and she told me to wait for her in the bathroom. I went and she came a couple minutes later and asked what happened. I told her and she had murder in her eyes. Her bf told his friend to leave and if he wasn't at his car by the time Mom reached him, she was gonna go to jail for murder. Well, the guy left before Mom could reach him. She didn't tell her bf what happened until the next day when we went home and he went with us. I wanted to tell the other family members because I needed the support and my mother said, "Don't. Do you want everyone knowing this about you?" She was more worried about her bf and his friends getting picked up by cops because not all of them are legal. I was so hurt and I've hated her even more since then. Without her knowledge, I told my Aunt first. She was livid once I gave her the full story. She wanted to kill the guy and beat up my mother for putting me in that position despite me voicing my concerns. I told her not to, that it would make things worse. Later, when Dad came up to pick me up, I told him before we left and he was PISSED. Mostly at my mother.
During my trip, Mom texted me saying that the same guy got arrested at another girl's house. He's gonna spend 1-2 years in jail then possibly get deported. I was so happy, and so were my Dad and Aunt. But I haven't trusted Mom or any of her bf's friends after that. And she's FINALLYZ learned. I just wish she would've listened to me without all of that happening.
On a lighter note, I'm talking to someone. Let's call him "H". We met over FB and we've been talking nearly every day. He's pretty cool and we have good talks. So far, he's the only one who is actually truthful about being okay to take it slow. I'm not expecting anything too big from this but I hope it works out for me and him.
As for work, I'm doing great. I feel so appreciated and valued. I still get VERY tired because of the graveyard shift and it's cold as shit here recently, and now I'm fighting a chest bug (mostly a cough that comes and goes).
I know that most won't spare a glance at this post but I just feel like I need to get these things out of my head, and talking to the same people doesn't always help me because I feel like I'm burdening them constantly, which makes me feel worse.
Either way, you don't have to like or reblog this, just a comment or acknowledgement would be more than enough.
Hi, everyone. A lot has happened since my last post, so I'm just going to get to it.
Mom and her bf are extremely close to breaking up, the guy is a total fucking narcissist and pretty much a criminal (which she didn't know about when they started dating), plus he's a serial cheater.
Mom still has attachment issues. She relies on me too much and uses what she did for me in the past as a means of making me feel obligated for whatever she wants. I'm at the point where I'm debating if I still want to move out, or stay because it's easier. Still figuring that out.
Dad and I are FINALLY going to see each other. His gf is now and ex because she screwed him over and tried to turn their friends against him. That blew up in her face. He and I are gonna be spending the holidays together since we didn't last year.
My new job is going very well. Making friends, making good money. It's a graveyard shift so it's a challenge most days when I'm dead tired.
Well, that basically sums it up to current day right now. Thanks to everyone for listening to me vent and shit. I really appreciate it.
Happy Holidays, everyone, I hope you all are safe and happy and surrounded by love.
This movie is absolute peak‼️‼️‼️ After watching killer of killers I was so excited to watch this in theaters. Now I gotta go and watch all the predator movies + the alien movies (Romulus was also incredibly peak)
Hi everyone, it's been a LONG while since I posted an update. A lot has happened.
A quick recap before I get started.
Dad and mom finally divorce, and I met some new people earlier this year. I lost the nanny job I had because of my ex boyfriend (and because the parents wanted to spend more time with her since she has a brother coming.)
Okay, back to it.
Yes, I was dating a guy, we broke up because he is the epitome of a lying manchild. He recorded a conversation we had and trued to alienate me and his sister, who I was friends with before he and I even met. She and her bf are the only ones I talk to now because her family have been total assholes.
I'm finally moving away from my mother, and my aunt is helping me out. Mom has a SERIOUS attachment issue but she has put me in dangerous situations this past year. I've been hit on and touched by drunk men in her bf's circle because she wanted to party and didn't give a damn about my safety, which, surprisingly, her bf got onto her for. But, I'm done being her security blanket. I'm done being her therapist. And I'm done being responsible for a woman who has completely lost her marbles.
And my Dad and I aren't any better.
I haven't seen him in person for almost a YEAR now. He says we'll plan a visit but that never happens because he's taking his new gf to concerts and going to the bar with his buddies. The only reason I'm tolerating it is because he owes me a phone and is keeping me on his insurance until I'm able to get my own. So far, my Aunt has been the only one to support me through this. She actually teaches me how to drive without hitting me for every mistake (which is what Mom always did). She's even letting me bring my cat.
I just needed to vent and get some advice from everyone. Thanks for everyone here who has been so supportive these past few years, I love you guys.
And, I also want to apologize for not posting any of my content, I've been in a state. But I have taken up knitting ^u^ Once I'm done with my current project, I'll definitely show all of you.
