a beautiful thing
dear miel:
i am still softly weak from your eyes looking into mine, how i moved from the persnickety artistry of keeping my legs apart just so, with the slip and the ruffles just so ā to an abandon i had not ever experienced before. i could have fainted from how weak and ecstatic you made me with your devouring. i am used to neuropathy and i am used to the perseverated orgasm. but you made my entire body shudder, tingle, divine itself humming, nerves afire, a cold sweat i wanted, a descendancy i craved. this subspace of my own volition. and when i needed to stop when i needed to eat something i was still shaking from how much i craved you, your tongue and your mouth, your hair clenched in my hands, your hands carving themselves into my belly. and i am still full of that wanting ache. i donāt know if it was another kind of orgasm or a somewhat hunger-informed mix of pain and pleasure, but it was ecstatic and i didnāt need to come the usual way to beg you and need you and feel you electric in my body.Ā
just thinking about my hands traversing your thighs your belly your breasts your hands your neck your cheeks your hair your legs everything. makes me surge warm and aching, in my cunt and in my legs, in my breath in my hips. i could touch you and touch you and touch you. i doĀ touch you and touch you and touch you. but ā i canāt find enough words for this. i canāt! i didnāt think this was possible for me. i didnāt. there were glimmers in the past few years, perhaps a glimmer with karl as well, or some times when sam fucked me, or the possibility of being brown and queer together with jahnavi, and memories⦠ā and i want this with other people too, i want this with sophie (again?) ā but with you the dream is real & i am not ashamed anymore & i want to cry with the weight and heat of it & i am astonished by my own desire to fuck you and fuck you and fuck you & how is it that you are bringing new meanings to me every time? how is it.
i'm rereading posts and i think i have to stop now. this crushes me so much to read,
how could i have made it all go so wrong
miel i just wish you were still mine i wish i wasn't another asshole who fucked you over i wish --
i regret it so much










