Human Enjoyer 1701

I am here because I find the "internet" of this timeline fascinating. You humans post here and there, thinking your opinions are significant to the universe. Well... let me show you adorable simians how it is done!

[qofthecontinuum]

oh God you're insufferable

i love it

Dear anonymous,

See, this is exactly why humans fascinate me! All of you lumber about, practically hypnotized in the hivemind you call the "internet," not even caring to recognize all I have done for your miserable human race. Your kind throws contradictory statements about me all the time, like the entitled bipedal primates you are. Humans whine about how insufferable, arrogant, and annoying my personality is. Then, they gush about how much they apparently adore me, but admit that they would hate me if I ever came across them because I am apparently a "bad person."

I wonder what gave humans the right to judge me as good or bad? It is my job to be the judge! And I am doing everyone a favor because I have created a blog to bestow my advice and thoughts upon humankind! I am sacrificing my absolutely impeccable reputation in the Continuum. In fact, I was recently threatened by a fellow Q to have a star supernova in my face because I have a blog, but I continue. It is almost as if I am actually generous.

Anyways, you say I am insufferable (which, due to what I have just mentioned above, is utter misinformation), yet you claim to still harbor affection towards me. Many people flatter themselves and others with words such as “love” until they become meaningless, sentimental slop. I just wonder… would you still express the same love you feel behind the safety of the screen if I happened to appear at the most inconvenient of times? I do like to test sincerity.

Sincerely,

Q

[qofthecontinuum]

you know like everything everything right? so my fun facts won't be any fun for you?

-fun fact anon

Dear fun fact anon,

Of course I know everything! All of the facts in this universe, and beyond, are stored in this omnipotent, omniscient, immortal brain. I have existed for longer than you could comprehend, and I know so much information that it gets overwhelming to contain. So, I often go around to different universes and times to bestow knowledge upon those who are desperate for some Q wisdom, even when they do not realize that they need it.

However, I can say that it is tolerable to occasionally be reminded of something interesting that I already knew. So, bombard me with facts if you’d like. Just know that you might have to work extra hard to impress me.

Sincerely,

Q

[qofthecontinuum]

what if i bit you

Dear... anonymous,

What an unusual hypothetical scenario! And how rude as well! The usual humanoid form I take is by no means a source of sustenance, nor is my energy composition, and I doubt that I have provoked you to elicit such a primitive defensive response.

Humans never stop blabbering about empathy and ethics- but the next thing they do is threaten to bite a Q, like some devolved primates (not that far from the truth).

But if you bit me, I would feel no pain. I would stand there for a moment, feeling shocked, maybe thinking that I have gone to the wrong time period. Then, I would snap my fingers and transport you elsewhere. The destination would depend upon my mood.

Sincerely,

Q

[qofthecontinuum]

Q, who decided you were in charge of the afterlife? Did you just show up one day or were you chosen?

Dear ur-battdoll,

I was simply bored, so I created an additional plane of existence. This is a typical pastime in the Continuum, but this one is special because I can transfer the human consciousness in and out (mimicking death and life) easily.

I call it the "afterlife" so it can coincide with the primitively linear way humans view their lives: life and then the inevitable death. It is only another layer of the reality you already live in, but calling it the afterlife is something that can make things much more interesting.

It is amusing to see the different reactions when I announce “Welcome to the afterlife” to whichever human I put in there, whether it is the average Joe or a Starfleet captain. However, I do not understand why it all ends in disappointment, anger, sadness, or all of those other pesky negative human emotions. Complaining about wanting to go back is common. It gets rather unfun after a while.

...It is not that I care about what your species thinks about me or anything, no no! Even so, I am not the one at fault here. I think I do a rather nice "God" impresson. I even wore white robes to look more official, and I gave some humans the opportunity to go to the past and future to learn those life-changing lessons that they love so much, and all with me as their guide!

Well, if it is so horrible to be in my afterlife, little do they know that another Q made an "afterlife" of his own after he found out about mine, and let me just say that it is much less welcoming.

Oh, and I gave Charles Dickens the concept to write A Christmas Carol. You're welcome.

Sincerely,

Q

[qofthecontinuum]

Q. Where did you put my badge. I need that Q. Where did you put it Q.

Dear chazchaschad,

Sorry, I ate it. I could find out which universe it ended up being transported to, but that would be too much of a chore. Humans often forget that being me is harder than it seems!

Perhaps it will show up without my help. Occasionally there are rifts between universes. If that happens, and you find it, you will have a badge was part of a Q phenomenon in your possession.

Sincerely,

Q

[qofthecontinuum]

Dear humans,

The first creation that I will bestow upon you is a Fan Art of your species total knowledge as of now.

It is not drawn to scale because it is actually much smaller.

Goodbye!