featuring — hanemiya kazutora
author’s note — yes, i’m totally late for the party and its not even fashionable in any way. but i still want to celebrate it because hanemiya kazutora deserves the world. (@walhalla i’m gonna need a spare brain, mine is still fried)
there are times when you’d notice your boyfriend spacing out. considering how overwhelming his life has been, kazutora cant help but feel lost sometimes, in life and thought. so when he leaves your shared bed in the middle of the night for a long ride, you dont question his action at all. you’d wait for his return, fully aware of his search for a sense of peace you’re unable to provide.
one of the times when his aimless wanders would go further than any others is the night before his birthday. you’ve been together for years, but on every morning of 16th july, you’d find his side of the bed cold, as if he’d never been there at all. he’d then come home with a fake smile plastered on his face, and your heart broke into pieces.
when the next 15th july rolled around, you prepared yourself yet again. except it didnt happen like you’ve expected. that night, kazutora held your hand in his slightly trembling one, eyes dancing with a mixture of emotion, ‘come with me?’. you didnt even bother to change out of your night dress.
and as the memory of the wind howling alongside blinding headlights, roads and sceneries gradually became unfamiliar and fast beating of your boyfriend’s heart underneath your embrace burned to your mind, you felt like you’ve entered a fragment of his world that he had kept hidden away.
'we’re here’, he said as you scanned the unknown land. the 'here’ in front of you presented itself in the form of a vast grassy field on a cliff overlooking the sea. the stars above accompanied your long, silent night of waiting. and if he didnt caress your fingers with his callous ones, you’d thought that he had forgotten that you’re there at all. before long, the world faded away as you drown in the sound of his heartbeat next to your ear.
morning greeted you with feathery kisses by the salty breeze and warmth of your boyfriend’s jacket that had shielded you from the chill of the previous night. 'good morning’, you sat up, expecting nothing in return. only to feel his lips connected to yours in a long, delicate kiss, it left you breathless.
'another year for me to live’, kazutora sighed softly, a familiar emptiness in his eyes. a silent 'another year i dont deserve’ left unuttered. caressing your fingers for a few moments, he continued, 'i’m sorry i made you wait for so long. i-’. you captured his lips in a desperate kiss, wanting him to stop thinking, needed him to.
'i’ll wait for you forever. as long as you need, i’ll be there for you’. your eyes met his in a pool of tears. 'so dont ever apologize!’, your voice broke, and his own tears that he had been holding back spilled down his cheeks in a steady, unstoppable flow.
'is it really okay for me to keep living?’. instantly, he’s in a tight embrace you’ve pulled him into, whispering, 'more than okay’. you kept holding him close as he wailed his heart out until he’s reduced to a delicate, sniffling mess.
on your laps, his eyes were puffy from crying for too long, dried tears on his red cheeks. but there’s a soft smile on his lips as he gazed up at you. 'you can say it now’.
his smile widened to the sound of your sweet laughter that makes his heart flutter every time. leaning down to place a kiss on the tip of his nose, you felt your own heart skipping a beat. 'happy birthday, my love. thank you for being in my life for another year’.
kazutora caressed your chin with his thumb, intertwining your fingers with his in another hand. 'no. thank you for being in my life at all’. connecting your lips with his once again, he’s finally found his peace.
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