ket anya ngy @quanxui - Tumblr Blog

- lighthousekeeping, jeanette winterson

life update. ive quit my work in makati and have been unemployed for almost 4 months now. as a girl from the mountains, it was a bit difficult to live in a metro city and almost 6 hours away from home, in bus ride language. i enjoy living alone, yes but i do not enjoy that everyone i know and want to hang out with are so far away from me. the nature of my job doesnt let me mingle with the other employees at my work. i mean i could but i have to shut up about my work and that's really difficult for someone like me. the employer is my uncle. so yes, nepotism ig. he hired me to do things in his name and things he couldn't trust his employees with yet.

it felt so lonely there. in a draft, i go on and on about the place i stayed at and the looming highrise buildings that actually reminded me how lonely it is, how monotonous the routine gets. how lost i feel. the job i have isn't even related to my degree or plans in life. even that is so far away.

until i started buying tickets back home hehe. i went home almost every weekend already. id go back to manila on early monday mornings. i lived in a tourist destination. i lived in the province. people would talk about how expensive it is to get to that place or to be tourist there. my coworkers would joke about how ive turned it into something like just a block away with how often i go back home. my body would heat up like a fever whenever i heard the alarm at 3 am just so i could catch the early bus back. i felt nauseous everytime i arrived in manila. my head and eyes hurt so much. i realized my homesickness got so physical.

so i resigned. not just because of that but because i was also starting to feel like i resent my job. i felt undeserving too. my salary was also being drained by my trips back home, i had no savings and there was no point in working when i was spending it all just to go home.

i resigned and left makati hoping that one day id return when i felt more sure of myself. when i felt like i deserved the job. when i had a place i chose. when im not always looking back to what people want. when i have more control over my choices now.

4 months and multiple job rejections later, ive enrolled myself in law school. ive always wanted a master's but i figured i should take a juris doctor first to get the hard part out of the way and maybe help me get a job??? AKSHSKSHSKSB i know it's another form of suffering i know

probably another life lesson for me to cry about and throughout. huhu at least i can cry with the mountains and trees around me. back in spain, i cried with the beach and those beautiful andalusian tiles around me. it felt silly. but wow, at least!

#ako #ive never wantsd to be a lawyer. just that people with the title looks hireable TT #im planning to do this with a job on the side. especially when second semester hits. the job hasnt shown up yet tho

ana--pudim

sangatsunolion-deactivated20171

Can we… be friends?

kosmogrl

7bitter

i keep my stupid heart WIDE OPEN at all times #myStupidHeart

krasnoarmeyets-deactivated191907

before there was Online there was lying on the floor and studying the patterns of the carpet and tracing it with your finger

soulmvtes

some lovely scenes :-)

soulmvtes

some lovely scenes :-)

antigonick

are you purposefully pretentious?

Absolutely, my friend, absolutely. I like to keep very complicated books against my breast while walking in the streets, ordering expensive wine in hipster bars, and using Latin locutions as private jokes. My mom raised me well. We have horses in my backyard. We named them Châteaubriand and Lautréamont.