The God Particle

John, 32, The Philippines

[quasijohnmarin]

Being very opinionated while also being extremely cynical isn't working well for me. I have this fear of offering my wildest takes to the wrong audience.

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World Photowalk 2026

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It's depressing to not speak about your sadness, but it's also– in a way– depressing to speak about it. You know how when you get a little scratch and you'd just let it sit until you forget you have been scratched? I think, sometimes, that I can do that with my feelings too. But I never did. There's this pain that has been sitting here for a while. I might as well name it; call it something to justify its presence.

Sometimes I wish I could just spell out my pain and not squeeze it inside metaphors, hoping that will make it less embarrassing. More so when the only allussion people know is Icarus and I'm just a man who builds labyrinths. So when I say that "it seems like all of my friends are poison and I have been cradling my hunger," I expect more questions that bullet shots.

[quasijohnmarin]

I used to want to die; but now, I wanna make it big. I dont care much about money, but I wanna be sitting with the important people. I wanna be one of them important people.

Trust me, I hate that I want that; because I used to want to be invisible. Now, I want to be the guy who calls the shots; and IT'S FCKNG EXHAUSTING.

[quasijohnmarin]

i can do both

[sirjohnmarinblog]

[quasijohnmarin]

wrote my first review on letterboxd for the first film i've watched this year 😅 let's go

[quasijohnmarin]

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I can only take enough heartbreaks in a day. I just want at least one thing to be real.

[quasijohnmarin]

God I hate when people lie to me? Am I that much of an easy target? Is there anything in my face that says "gullible"? I feel like I should have been smarter by now.

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I often wonder how much of my writing is actually me, and how much is fiction—assuming, of course, that I am the opposite of fiction. Is authenticity something that simply exists, or is it something made—constructed carefully or spontaneously?

When Mia—maybe a real person with a different birth name, maybe entirely fictional—said she was made to look dumber than she really is in my recently published poetry book, I adjusted my glasses as if I were about to spill some diabolical lore about love in the early 2000s (I didn’t).

“Research says people with low ability often overestimate their competence. It’s called the Dunning–Kruger effect,” I said, which I figured now is not much of an explanation. What I was sure of then was the fact that she did not appreciate that. I could tell by how high her brows kept rising the longer I spoke.

In my defense, it has long been accepted—argued even in the time of Socrates and Aristotle—that poetry cannot be taken as truth. To believe that a poet could turn someone into words without "reducing" them into words is foolish.

-//john marin

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[quasijohnmarin]

I hate the concept of parallel universes, because what do you mean there's a universe where I'm arguably better at everything and I'm mentally stable???

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why do you feel unfuckable when technically you’re hot???

haven't been having a lot of action lately

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Sexually harassed?????????????

when i was young? yes, way too many times.

now, that i'm older? not enough.

[quasijohnmarin]

I don't want to be touched.

I want to be caressed, cherished, cared for. I want to be held, without the fear of being let go. I want to stay the night, without worrying of tomorrows-- and wake up tomorrow seeing your naked face. I want to see you, and I want to be seen.