aka: god in the war room.
aka: god in a short skirt and a threat in his mouth.
aka: divinity dressed like obsession.
aka: i donāt hope. i bend.
hereās my short story: i am a very obsessive manifestor, and yet this is coming from someone whoās manifested the following: multiple reality shifts, getting back a lot of SPs, a house, getting people out of my life, money, appearance changes, life changes, etc.
i donāt say that shit lightly.
iām not here giving a bullet list like a success story post.
this isnāt a āteehee look what i got :)ā this is a declaration of violence. this is me saying: you donāt understand how hard i go. you donāt understand what it means when i say āitās mine.ā
because when i say it? it gets scared.
SELF CONCEPT AS A FUCKING FLAMETHROWER.
iāve built my self concept using robotic affirming and rampages, specifically those that make you think like God.
and by God, i donāt mean some floating choir boy with light beams and flowing robes. i mean the source. the fucking code. the absolute.
i built it on āyouāre not gonna fucking stop me.ā
iām not trying to āhealā my self concept. i dragged my self concept out of its grave and injected it with every affirmation i could find until it started to breathe fire.
when my stomach flips, when doubt creeps in, when reality tries to bitchslap me into ānormalāā¦
i suffocate it with imagery so saturated and so viscerally intense that the doubt chokes on it.
ābut what if he never comes back?ā
āactually? heās already back. heās obsessed with me. want me to replay it in 4K? let me rerun the moan he made when he saw my thighs again, bitch.ā
i donāt negotiate. i donāt plead.
i donāt argue with the 3D. i render the 4D louder, hotter, and more emotionally charged than any fear can ever hope to be. i throw glitter on it. i make it vulgar. i make it undeniable. i throw it in doubtās face and dare it to survive.
THE SECRET IS SATURATION.
not just repeating affirmations like a drone.
but inhabiting the role so fully that even doubt starts to question itself.
you ever delude so hard your fear starts shaking? you ever affirm so loud the walls look different? thatās what the fuck i mean. i donāt say āi hopeā or āi believe.ā i say āi am,ā and the world goes silent.
i donāt do half-belief.
i donāt just script once and walk away.
i donāt ātry.ā i live.
i even do deliberate identity deaths which is something extremely important for me.
i kill the version of myself thatās a beggar if i have to.
iāll delete every app that forces me to check what my SP is doing.
any hint of my old identity and whatever is holding me back is gonna be thrown away, i donāt care.
iāve blocked people mid-manifestation because their presence felt like a leash. iāve stopped entire conversations and said āno. this version of me is dead now.ā iāve rewritten myself so hard the mirror had to stutter.
and i donāt mourn those versions. i bury them under gold and move the fuck on.
IāM NOT JUST ONE METHOD. IāM THE WHOLE FUCKING POKĆDEX.
and iām not just a one method manifestor, i do everything.
i gotta try everything once.
so yes, i do change my method six times.
yes, i do save techniques like pokƩmon.
but guess what? they all fucking work because i said so.
yes i SATS. yes i affirm. yes i script. yes i loop. yes i embody. yes i rage-cry into a pillow while rampaging.
and guess what? every single fucking one of those moments still manifested something. because the moment i say itās mine, the universe doesnāt ask for a signature. it moves.
IāM UNREALISTIC. IāM LUNATIC. IāM CORRECT.
and iām not afraid of being āunrealisticā either, i have desires bigger than the universe and i fully believe that theyāre possibleāno, not even that, that theyāre already here.
you donāt have to convince people when youāre the one writing the script.
THE LIE BECOMES THE TRUTH.
same with the identity death, i act like i have my desire boldly to others.
i talk about my DR experiences.
i talk about my new appearance.
thereās no ālyingā in manifestation, the lie becomes the truth and that is a fact.
(billie jean is not my lover!!!! someone plz get the ref lmao)
you call it delusion? i call it installing a new world.
YES, I DO HAVE DOUBTS. AND YES, I STILL WIN.
yes, i do have doubts. so much that i have to reread my own posts.
yes, i constantly check the 3D. but i twist it. i remind myself of my other successes. i twist the narrative, so even when iām looking at my SPās new post?
āheās still obsessed with me.ā
whoās gonna get into your head and tell you itās wrong if it isnāt you?
you are the voice in your head. so fucking speak like it.
iāve cried while manifesting and still got what i want. iāve spiraled into a whole meltdown, journaled āthis is hell,ā and got what i wanted the next day. because it doesnāt fucking matter. itās not about how clean you are. itās about how firm you are.
I ROMANTICIZE, I FANFICTION, I DECLARE. I REBUILD.
i journal as well, often. i write down my desires in detail, or sometimes even write fanfiction about it because it helps me dwell in my desires.
i daydream with tears in my eyes and victory in my chest.
i listen to rampages like theyāre love songs.
i romanticize myself to the point i start laughing out loud.
i make vision boards with dramatic filters and write captions like iām giving the Oscars speech.
because i know itās inevitable for me to have everything i want.
TO BE NIKOLAS IS TO BE A MACHINE OF CREATION.
i am a god in practice. not just in theory.
i donāt just say āi am.ā
even when the 3D slaps me across the face, i slap back harder with my assumption.
worship yourself the way i do.
be obsessive. be twisted. be dramatic.
romanticize the shit out of your process.
declare your results like they already paid rent.
build your god complex like a throne made of glass and gold and shards of your doubtās dead body.
and youāll get everything.
because of course you will.
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