Meditation Day #... hmm... I don’t know!
I managed to meditate for over 20 minutes last night. I tried the 4-7-8 breathing exercise and feeling like I was doing okay.
Then I went to focus on the ambient sounds I put on my phone to help me meditate. It was the sounds of water running on a stream or like in a pond with intermittent sounds of chirping birds.
The sounds took me to my grandparents’ house and I immediately thought of my grandfather. Suddenly, there was a sharp feeling of missing him so much. So sharp that I lost my breath and started gasping and crying.
I tried going back to my breathing but I failed. I couldn’t stop the tears and the gasping so I finally gave in. I visualized my grandfather and I said to him:
“I miss you, Grandpa. I don’t know why I often missing you more than anybody in my life. It’s not like I’m your favorite grandchild. I don’t even know which one of us was your favorite. I know my cousin, Martin, was grandma’s favorite, people say he was and I don’t remember anyone telling me which one was yours. Or maybe I don’t want to remember because I hope I was your favorite grandchild. Anyway, I believe this much is true… You are always my favorite grandfather; you are always my favorite person.
So my dear Grandpa, be happy up there. Please tell life to go easy on me. I know I have done a lot of things that you wouldn’t approve of but I believe you would always love me still and I will always get your smiles. Because… I am your favorite granddaughter! :)”
I could clearly see my grandfather gently smiled at me while I was finding my way back to focus on my breathing. I could feel the chilling air on my cheek and my left foot where my tears ran down and fell on.
I went on for a few more minutes before I opened my eyes and turned off my app.
July 01, 2020
