Confessions and Thoughts of a Teenage Closet Witch

This is my page where I finally let out some hurtful sh*t and document my witchy adventure. politics and all kinds of what have you are included in your membership package. You ready for a wild ride? No? Well too late you're already here

[fymonsta-x]

@OfficialMonstaX: 📸 201111 #MONSTAX MBC M #SHOWCHAMPION #LoveKilla Completed

#LoveKilla won following yesterday🏆 !! Thanks to #MONBEBE 💘 #LOVEYOU_MONBEBE

#MONSTAX #MONSTA_X #MONSTAX_LoveKilla #몬스타엑스_러브킬라 #LoveKilla2ndWIN

[queeniebambeezie]

I’m so proud of them they deserve it 😭🥺💙

[zanyyolive]

this took too long to make AKJSHFJHLSF i’m CAcKling

[queeniebambeezie]

So.. it’s been a min but.. wtf is up my dudes

[desnaa]

every time yellow laughs. white’s “ENOUGH” really makes the last one

[queeniebambeezie]

We Stan yellow’s transformation tho

[queeniebambeezie]

I see your face, everywhere I look.

In everything I do.

In everything I feel.

You’re there.

Why?

Why do you haunt me..?

Why does your image bring tears to my eyes..?

Why is it that I can’t heal from you..?

You were the concealed knife in your jacket pocket, and when I was all turned around and not sure where to go you stabbed in the back and left me

Left me to rot

Left me to bleed out and die

I’ll admit, I didn’t do right

But I never wanted you to go

Now I sit here, a pathetic pest on the bottom of some shoe,

Wondering. Hoping. Praying.

I hope that one day, the you I knew you to be comes back.

I miss her everyday,

I miss the way she made me smile

I miss the way she made me feel

That slow passionate burn that blazed like hellfire

I miss that

But now it burns for another and I’m okay with that

Just hope that you don’t crack

I hope you don’t break

I hope she doesn’t throw you under the bridge cause when it’s too late-

Nah. I shouldn’t bother. You don’t give a damn anyway.

Hope you have fun throwing your love away

[gotinstarblog-deactivated201512]

[plague-of-insomnia]

I’m not superstitious but last time I did this I had good news so 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

[queeniebambeezie]

A year ago today, I lost what had become a big part in my life. Through miscommunications and misunderstandings, and not enough of everything that could’ve helped, I lost something dear to me through sheer misfortune. The year following this would be a long one. It was tough. Very touch and go for a bit. I swore I was okay. But every now and then I’d slip and get down in the dumps. R e a l l y down in the dumps. Every now and then became almost everyday, all day. I just couldn’t understand it. Why? Why had this happened? Why did I have to give up what I thought was the one real chance I had at a good thing all because I wanted to try and make things better on my own..? That year taught me why. I wasn’t ready for it, it was my first go, I didn’t know what I was doing. Does that make it any better? No not at all (still emotionally and mentally suffering as usual) but it’s okay because I know now that I had to be alone with my thoughts to understand myself first. Can’t love anything right if you can’t love yourself first right?? W r o n g. I had become.. partially obsessed with getting the thing back. And we all know love drives everything we do. I had to make things right somehow, out of love for that thing and love for what I had with it.. I had to get that feeling back in my life. But it left. For good? Idk.. my heart and my head tell me it’ll never come back.. but like Gibbs, my gut tells me otherwise (ifykyk👀😂) I don’t hope that what I’ve lost comes back to me. Not now at least. That’s a world of hurt I’d rather not get back to so quickly. It’s obvious to me now though, that I have to be patient and wait till the universe says I’m ready. And when that day comes.. well.. I just hope there’s a happy ending for me

-some melancholically contemplative.. whatever it is

[queeniebambeezie]

I hate... expectations. I hate rules. I hate oppression, suffocation. I hate the notion that people are entitled to anything of mine, time included. I hate that every word is scrutinized and penalized by someone else’s delusion, when all I ask for is understanding and comprehension. All I ask is to be understood on a level more than superficial. Do you truly know me? Do you truly care? Did you have the courage to ask or did you assume like usual? I’m too free spirited to be bound by what you think I might be. I’m not anything. Just me.

-some thoughts

[briarhide]

Canis Major.

The ‘Dog Star’, Sirius, is the star in the middle of the dog’s chest.

[queeniebambeezie]

In The Dark

It’s a quarter past one

 I’m awake and wondering

 Inquiring in retrospect of what I’ve done

 I thought and pondered 

I’ve sought answers while my questions tore me asunder

 I stare into the void and constantly tremble-

I quiver at its dominance-for it knows my secrets, it knows my weakness-

I shiver at its immense primordial essence for it knows my unspoken regrets, my hindering fears, my humiliating failures

But I do not look away

I dare not turn from its gaze

I stare into the void as it stares into me

We are one, it and I

A black expanse full of vague long forgotten memories and uncertainty

The void that kept her up at night

The thoughts and musings of a girl lost in her own heart

She stumbles through the lonely crevices of her consciousness in the dead of twilight

I wish I could tell her that in the end everything would turn out alright

I wish I could say that it’ll stay that way

But what’s life without a little darkness?

It’s easier to see stars at night then in the middle of the day

[fandom]

We can always control being truthful.

The second season of Sex Education dropped on Netflix. Your favorite character isn’t the super hot Witcher himself, but the eccentric bard, Jaskier, and we’re loving that. The days of Destiel are numbered—how many episodes of Supernatural are left? This is Tumblr’s Week in Review.

The Witcher

Sex Education

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Pokémon

Critical Role

RWBY

Steven Universe Future

Jaskier | The Witcher

BTS

Reylo | Rey & Kylo Ren, Star Wars

Geralt of Rivia | The Witcher

Boku no Hero Academia

SKAM France

Artists on Tumblr

Good Omens

wtFOCK

Geraskier | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier, The Witcher

The Mandalorian

Supernatural

Destiel | Dean Winchester & Castiel, Supernatural

[staff]

[queeniebambeezie]

Yearning

this is a lil thing I did cause I was down in the dumps bout an old flame (they hurt me bad y’all gon hear bout this one quite a bit so I apologize in advance(this was more for my benefit)) hope y’all enjoy

If ever there was a reason I’d regret something, I’d always try to reconcile. To re-evaluate. To understand why I did what I did and why I needed to do it in the first place. I can rationalize the feelings away, (it’s the Capricorn in me) and eventually, stop hurting over it. But one day in the early spring of my junior year, I saw you. Walking by me, catching my eye like raven spotting a shiny. I didn’t want to approach you at first, but something compelled me to. Something told me to talk to you, to know you. To say hi. And so I did. 

And so for almost a year, through hell and high water, through my parents and my horrid lifestyle, we made it work. Wasn’t the most comfortable or convenient situation, but we made it work. We made plans. We had dreams. Dreams of each other, of a future made of us. Unfortunately, no one knew the pain that would ensue at the end of that year. No one knew the mental and emotional  suffering I would endure, and would continue to endure well into the future. Of course, I didn’t know either. Had I had known I might’ve not messed with you in the first place. But your smile.. Your laugh.. The way your eyes twinkled when you were enjoying yourself. All that, and more, drew me to you. I had to know you. I had to talk with you. 

And now here we are a year later. Me, halfway across the country and trying to find a name and a happiness I could claim for myself and you… You’ve become… Someone I don’t know. The person I laid with in the back of my old car, the person I cried with, sobbed over, the person I almost died for… I don’t think..-no, I know that’s not you anymore… at least, that’s not who you are now.. and I know it’s wrong of me to hold on, wrong of me to yearn and wonder, to continue torturing myself with the thought of the old you.. The feelings that I had for that person will never go away.. how could they..? 

You were part of a pivotal moment in my life-you were the catalyst. I gave up everything. I almost gave up my life. I wouldn’t be here today if not for many things. Despite being my reason for my want of death… You were also my motivation to not end it. I wanted to prove to my parents that we could be all that they said we couldn’t. We could be happy, we could live long and have kids, and be who we wanted to be.. But life had different plans.. You decided that a break was a good enough reason to leave. I decided that that was a good enough reason to hate you. I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep on loving you. I wanted to keep on caring for you, having you in my life made things technicolor again. Life was always more colorful with you.. 

So here I am today. Hoping on the one hand, that you’re happy. That you’re living your life to the best of your abilities and that whoever you happen to be in love with now is either yourself or someone you think will treat you right. On the other, I hope that you’re just as miserable as me. Trying to hate me in an attempt to hide the pain of losing me, but missing me all the more as the days go by. Wishing I would come back, wishing I would love you again.. But if that was the case, you would’ve taken my offer at a second chance, right..? You would’ve told me yes, let’s start over. Or maybe that you needed time to think it over. But I guess it just wasn’t meant to happen that way. 

I know you said to get over you, (because you were who you were and if I didn’t like it I could leave, right?) but in case you forgot (I bet you did, you always were so forgetful) You were my first. My first everything. I didn’t know how to do things right with you, and for that I’m so sorry. But I told you when we were together that I’d never stop loving you no matter what. No matter what I’d never get over you, you’d always have a place in my heart and you still do.. At least.. Who you used to be still does.. I told you that I wanted to get to know you again. I wanted to be your friend and start over… but I guess not everyone wants to be amicable with exes. It’s fine.. 

I hope and pray, and sometimes I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’ll come back. Whether as a friend, an acquaintance, or I hope a lover. I keep telling myself it’ll never happen, because my luck with love has never been that good. I thought I hit the jackpot with you, and never did I once think that you’d be all too happy to leave me. All but too happy to let me go. My mistake right..? The only one who’s struggling with it now is me.. It makes me wonder.. Did you ever truly love me..? Did you ever truly care..? Even if you didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I loved you. I love you still. It pains me everyday. But I bear it, in some god forsaken hope that it atones for my mistake and brings you back to me. I know it won’t. But a girl can dream.

 I hope one day you can find the courage needed to come talk to me. Goddess knows I’d give anything for you to smile at  me like you used to. But, knowing my luck, you’ll end up hating me more instead. 

Sincerely and (unfortunately) Forever Yours,

-A

[queeniebambeezie]

Hey Y’all

Just wanted to get this shitpost out the way, in case you’re wondering (yes at this moment I have no followers and I’m basically a youtuber talkin to the camera rn but still) yes i meant to put crackhead in my title thingy and no i don’t do crack, I just have that energy ya know? Second, this is gonna be a “feels jam”/poetry/short story kinda thing? But I’m also gonna use this as a way to write down my witchy adventure (a digital journal if you will) and will probably use it to just get those overwhelming feels out the way soo yeah thanks for joining me on this wild ass journey we call life