Sasuke Uchiha never asked for anything for his birthday but he’d always get a cake (“I don’t like sweet things”) , some tomatoes (he was secretly happy about extra tomatoes) and some weapons ( not as good as Neko-baa’s).
He’d get these presents from friends and later family. Naruto would invite Sasuke out for a drink every July 23rd evening after the war, even going so far as to send a hawk to wherever Sasuke was at the time to extend the invitation.
Sasuke always preferred to be alone for his birthday evening, no one knew why. Naruto and Sakura would speculate but never understood. Sasuke allowed a present for himself that he liked to indulge in only once a year.
He allowed himself to remember.
Only on July 23rd, no time else.
Not Itachi’s birthday, not on his mother’s or father’s, certainly not on the ‘anniversary’ of the clan massacre. He just did it on his birthday, it was one way he could try to re-create the joy he felt as a child on his special day.
He would remember all of the good times with his family, all of the love that he never truly realized was around him. Him playing with Itachi and Shisui. Cooking with his mother. Training with his father. All of those little moments that made his childhood seem so blissfully happy to him now.
Now that he had Itachi’s eyes he could ‘see’ Itachi’s memories too. He saw them with a clarity that almost felt like he was living it.
There were precious few happy memories in Itachi’s mind. Most were about Sasuke. Sasuke smiling, Sasuke laughing, Sasuke loving him, just Sasuke. There were some memories of his mother’s smile, his fathers pride in him. It didn’t even hurt Sasuke that he never really saw such a side of his father, he was happy seeing Itachi excel as the genius he was.
There were some of Itachi’s memories that he really treasured. Scenes of Itachi just living. Taking a walk in the forest, eating dango, going to tea houses. (If Sasuke recognized any certain tea house he resolved to go there and try the tea that Itachi had)
Sometimes Itachi would pass in front of a mirror and Sasuke would pause on that moment, like a video. He’d drink in the sight of his brother. He looked sad and towards the end, sick. But Sasuke was just happy to see his brothers face. All other trace of the man that was Itachi Uchiha was gone, destroyed after Sasuke left the village. No one expected Sasuke to mourn him, no one thought that an S-class criminal would ever be considered a hero. This was Sasuke’s only chance to see his beloved brother again and he only allowed himself that privilege once a year.
Sasuke had it down to an art, to filter out the bad memories and only focus on the good. He lived through them for one night only.
On July 24th he’d wake up as usual and go about his day, the memories locked away for another year.
(I’m making up my own Uchiha tradition based on this image and the Japanese Festival Tsukimi, the Autumn Moon Festival)
Fic under cut. Ao3 link
As one of the founding clans of Konoha, the Uchiha took pride in their traditions and festivals. Outsiders were rarely, if ever, allowed to join.
There were winter prayers in the Naka shrine, the whole clan kneeling, praying, sharing the warmth of the flames at the front of the room. Sasuke remembered fidgeting and his mother’s graceful hand alighting on his knee to stop his squirming. His father sat at the front of the room leading the prayer, Itachi kneeling tall and proud behind him. The fur collar of his kimono tickled his cheeks.
Spring brought the cherry blossom viewing festival and his mother’s most beautiful kimono, a silvery grey with white and pink petals all over. The slippery silk was cool to the touch and the potpourri that his mother kept in the folds was always comforting to him. He sometimes wished he could use it as a blanket, his mother said no but offered her soft apron covered lap as a substitute and that worked just as well.
Summer had street fairs. The whole clan, usually reserved, let loose and had fun. Children running and playing, the adults indulgently smiling. Outsiders were let in and the Uchiha went out among the people, the whole village celebrated. Sasuke clung to his brothers hand or rode on his fathers shoulders in the crowd. The family together, and happy. He always got a new cotton yukata for his birthday, to wear to the festivals, the Uchiha crest stitched by his mothers own hands.
Autumn was the Tsuki no Inori festival. There was no need for fancy clothes or loud music and laughter. Every year on the night of the first full moon in Autumn all of the Uchiha, young and old came together in the heart of the Uchiha district to light candles and share the love and celebrate the bonds in the clan.
Sasuke was excited to stay up past his bedtime and to spend time with Itachi who had grown increasingly busy as a newly minted chunin. He held his small candle tightly as he walked behind his mother and father, Shisui at his side and Itachi holding his other hand. The rest of the clan followed behind, the light of the full moon guiding their steps to the bank of the river. They stood in a loose circle, the moonlight creating halos on their dark hair. There were artful arrangements of pampas grass that his mother helped with. He had helped too, handing her the stalks to put into the vases, she occasionally tickled him with it, gently caressing his cheek when he got distracted. To the side there was a table with sake, tea, and traditional tsukimi soba, chestnuts, edamame and piles of tsukimi dango. Sasuke could see Itachi eyeing the dango with a wistful look.
Fugaku came to the center of the circle, the whispers silenced as he addressed the crowd.
“We gather here today, as we do every year, to celebrate the autumn moon. To also celebrate the bonds between us and our members of the clan that have passed on. Tonight we will light the flames in remembrance of them and to honor the history of our clan. The Uchiha crest on each of your backs represents the fan that rouses the flames of our wills and our hearts.”
Fugaku looked towards Mikoto with a softness Sasuke rarely saw on his face. She stepped forward towards her husband. She held up her candle, in it’s simple flower shaped holder, Fugaku’s hands slowly and deliberately formed the signs for a Katon jutsu. The flames bloomed from his mouth and lit the candle in his wife’s unflinching hands. She was wreathed in light, not the silvery light of the moon any more but the warm golden flames of her husband’s power. She smiled at him and turned to place the candle on the ground, to start the shape of the crest. She closed her eyes over the candle, to take a moment to reflect, then she raised her face to the moon and inclined her head in reverence. Standing, she moved back to Fugaku’s side, he nodded and flames started to light up the glade.
Tradition held that those closest to you lit the candle, usually direct family husbands and wives, siblings, parents. Those orphaned and alone had friends do it. Itachi stepped over to Shisui, who held up his candle to present it. The light burst out of Itachi’s mouth, Sasuke stared with pride and some envy, longing for the day he could do the same. Shisui placed his candle carefully and returned to Sasuke’s side. He and Itachi kneeled, and Itachi held out his candle infront of Sasuke. He looked confused for a moment before Shisui spoke. “I’ll help you until you can do this yourself ‘cuz ‘Tachi here wants you to be the one to do this.”
Sasuke beamed at his brother, elated that he was Itachi’s closest person, he honestly thought it was Shisui since he was older and he took his brother’s attention away from him. Itachi gave him a smile warmer than the flames that had glided past Sasuke’s head. Shisui had formed the seals while holding Sasuke’s hands in his and gently blew the flames from his position over Sasuke’s shoulder.
Itachi placed his candle and turned to his brother who’s focus was on their parents. Mikoto was kneeling to place another flame. As the matriarch of the clan, Mikoto was responsible for lighting a candle for each clan member that they lost in the year. Fugaku kneeling behind her with a protective arm around her, not touching but just grazing her shirt. He should have been looking at the flame, but he was looking at his wife, still as radiant to him as the day they met. Itachi could see the love plain as day. His father caught his eye and he would swear he saw an extra glow upon Fugaku’s cheeks.
Chuckling to himself, he turned to his brother again, who was practically vibrating in excitement for his brother’s attention. He smoothly ran through the signs, and taking a quick breath, he let out a thin line of flame, the control a testament to his mastery, even at a young age. Sasuke, who had been focusing so hard on Itachi’s hands, trying to memorize how he did it, grinned brighter than the flame after it was lit.
In the glow Itachi thought about activating his Sharingan to capture the moment. Shisui, who’s curls shined in the light and who’s eyes held all the warmth of the flames around him. Sasuke’s cheeks, still round with baby fat, were squishing his eyes almost closed with the smile on his face. Itachi could feel the presence of his mother and father behind him, he could feel their happiness. He remembered when he was little, his father kneeling behind him, cupping his hands around his own to hold the candle. His mother before them lighting the flame, her long eyelashes touching her cheeks before they swept up and her eyes caught his, the flames painting them as red as the Sharingan.
Blinking when Shisui nudged him he watched Sasuke taking slow and halting steps towards the nearly finished crest of flames. Sasuke knelt as slow as possible, knees bending centimeter by centimeter till he was on the ground. When he placed his flame he let out a gusty sigh, almost enough to blow out his candle. Clapping his hands to his mouth, he turned wide eyes to his brother and Shisui who were trying (Itachi) and failing (Shisui) to hold in their laughter. Sasuke hastily went through his reverence before running back to Itachi’s side, slightly behind him and peeking out at the crest.
When the last flame was placed Fugaku stood and started saying the ancient prayers for the deceased. Itachi stayed at Sasuke’s level since Sasuke was still hanging onto his shirt. He could feel Sasuke fading from tiredness after a few minutes so he nudged Sasuke before making subtle motions towards the dumpling table, as if he was going to make a break for it.. Sasuke giggled and an uncle cleared his throat quietly nearby, glaring. Sasuke’s shoulders fell under the scrutiny but Itachi’s returning glare and warm hand in his made him feel better.
Once the prayers had finished, Itachi presented his back to Sasuke so he could climb on. Sasuke wrapped his arms around Itachi’s neck as he moved at a quicker pace than his usual towards the dumplings. As son of the head and a once in a generation prodigy,he had certain privileges to get to the front of the line quicker than most, and if Sasuke was holding several dumplings for him as Itachi held his own, no one said anything. The brothers retreated with Shisui to a nearby tree, to lean on and share the food they grabbed. Meaning Sasuke handed Itachi his dumplings and rested his head on his shoulder. Sasuke promptly started dozing, surrounded by the love and light of his family.
Sasuke opened his eyes. The Uchiha hideout where he had his fateful battle with Itachi was cold in the autumn. The moon shone over head through the destroyed roof. The candles before him had almost burned out in their lotus shaped holders. He was now more than strong enough to light all the flames himself in one go. Arranging the crest with one hand was what took the most time. One candle was laid for each Uchiha who passed in the massacre and one for Shisui and one at the end for Itachi, all of them long gone but the memories fresh in his mind.
The candles would burn out soon, the moon would wax and wane, and time would keep moving on. But Sasuke would always be surrounded by the love of his family.
For Itachi’s first birthday there was a small cake and an even smaller smiling baby, held in his mother’s arms. He was excited about the cake and his small chubby hands reached out for it. That small baby had no idea what was coming, he just wanted his cake.
For Itachi’s fourth birthday there was a war raging, Father was out, mother was scared. She’d smile at her son but the smile was strained. He received his first kunai set that year. It was wrapped in blood red wrapping paper.
For Itachi’s fifth birthday most of the focus was on his soon to come little brother, Itachi didn’t mind, he was as excited as his mother. She joked that his brother was his present this year. He spent the day in her lap listening to the tiny heartbeat. He thought that was the best present he would ever receive.
For Itachi’s sixth birthday Sasuke said his first clear word, the family was sitting around the table for Itachi’s birthday dinner when Sasuke suddenly said ‘Tachi!. Itachi changed his mind, this truly was the best present he would ever receive.
For Itachi’s seventh birthday he was on a mission. One of his first. His teammates gave him gifts of kunai and shuriken. They were of lesser quality than the ones he got from Nekobaa but he was grateful all the same.
For Itachi’s eighth birthday he gained the Sharingan. He wanted to forget that birthday, he lost his comerades. His father called his Sharingan a gift, Itachi thought of it as a curse.
For Itachi’s tenth birthday he trained for his Chunin exam with Shisui. Shisui gave him some bruises for his birthday. He also gave him a new katana for the exam. Itachi treasured it.
For Itachi’s eleventh birthday he received his ANBU mask. His little brother spent the evening trying on Itachi’s mask and gently tracing his new tattoo.
For Itachi’s thirteenth birthday he became an ANBU captain. His comrades all congratulated him no mention was made of his birthday. Even when he got home his parents both congratulated him on his promotion, that was the most important news. Only Sasuke remembered his birthday, he got him some fresh dango with his allowance. It was their last birthday together.
For Itachi’s fourteenth birthday he was alone. He was alone in his room in the Akatsuki hideout. He was alone with his memories of birthdays past. His memories of his family especially his baby brother. Sasuke hated him now and probably cursed this day. Itachi hated the day too, if not for his brother, he would wish he was never born.
For Itachi’s seventeenth birthday he saw his brother again for the first time in four years. He would regret that day for a long time. He had tortured his brother. ‘It’s to make him stronger’ he told himself. He could tell himself that all day, the trick was to make himself believe it. Sasuke had grown so much, he was taller, he looked like their mother.
For Itachi’s eighteenth birthday he found out he was going to die. He was diagnosed with microscopic polyangiitis. He had woken up several mornings coughing up blood. He was losing weight at an alarming rate. He felt tired all the time. For the first time in his life Itachi prayed. He prayed that he’d live long enough to die at his brother’s feet.
For his nineteenth birthday he was in remission. He could breathe easy. He had hope for the first time in a long time.
For his twentieth birthday the illness was back and worse than ever. He didn’t know how much longer he had but he knew he had to live. He had to live to die. His hands shook as he took a few extra pills and medicines and continued on with his day.
On Itachi’s twenty-first birthday he died. He finally fulfilled his wish. He died at his brother’s feet. He barely made it through the fight but he survived long enough to die. He died with a smile on his face, Sasuke would be the hero he could never be. Sasuke would be at peace and could move on with his life.
On his last birthday he gave his final gift and received none in return.
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