I am going to destroy myself and nobody is gonna to stop me

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@queenwera
I am going to destroy myself and nobody is gonna to stop me
I’m so fucking useless.
my biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way i see myself.
I don’t even look forward to anything anymore.
I just wanna go to bed and never wake up.
World doesnt make sense. Just like my life. It is so pointless. I domy have strenfht to live. I am alone
everything i was afraid of happening, happened.
“Imagine how heartbreaking it must be to suddenly stop talking to the person you thought you’d marry.”
— Unknown
I just WANT to kill the PAIN off.
I need support, please.
I am on break with my boyfriend because od my last behaviors and attacks of paranoia, panic attacks and crying for hours. Everywhere I go, I see part od him. I love him do much, I wanted to fixed this, but it looks like he need some time and consider everything, so we started to behaving like friends. It hurts me do much, i cannot stop crying, my eyes are swollen, i cannot stand up from bed, have been started drinking and got razors, got suicidal thoughts.
I suffer from attacks panic, borderline, depression, PTSD, depression and ED. I have nowhere where. My psychiatrist cannot give meds because the avaible appointments are in the end od February. My family is dysfunctional and I have most important exams on my university. I am not able to study.
I am begging. Please, someone says IT will be fine. Someday.