Everything is just so fragile right now
the members must be feeling like shit right now. imagine your best friend, the one that has been there with you through thick and thin, the one u 100% believe will be there for you whenever you feel like giving up, leaving you in the blink of an eye.
You were probably still thinking of something stupid he did and was just sharing it with the rest, when somebody rushes in and breaks the news to you. Your first response is laughter, is this a joke? NO WAY. April's Fool is way over and you check around for any hidden cameras, in case this was for some variety program. But then the others start to curse and some of them even starts crying. It hits you, HARD. You realize what this is all about............him. The one you were going to ask to buy you that rad shirt you've been eyeing on for months, the one you made a pact with to catch the new x-men movie when he returned, the one who promised to mend you up whenever you feel like crumbling in this sick industry. "HE CANT DO THIS TO ME, TO US. HELL NO!" Your desperate outcry is just one of the many heard in the room. Everything is in chaos, even the members that you never thought would break, were on their knees crying their heart out. The staff were all on their phones, mumbling in korean that was too fast for you to understand. You never really understood the language anyway, it was always him translating for you. But he's not coming back anymore. No, you cant accept the fact, it's too sudden and absurd. You take out your phone and try to contact him through SNS, he would always reply ASAP because he knows you dont like waiting. 4 minutes passes by.........7 minutes............10............15.............still no reply.
"HE THINKS HE CAN JUST DO THIS TO US AND NOT GIVE US AN EXPLANATION?!" Tears that you tried so hard to hold back for the past 45 minutes startes to burst out without control. You hate him, thoroughly and wholeheartedly. What does the past years you guys spent together mean to him? Doesn't it mean anything?! The tears, the joys, the love & the brotherhood, does he not treasure those precious memories as much as you did?! LIAR, TRAITOR, BASTARD, JERK! You take your phone and tapped on the instagram icon. "I hate you.......I hate you......I hate you" You repeat that with absolute conviction as you press on the unfollow button on his account. You know this will hurt him, but you dont care anymore, he deserves it.
After you did that, you rush over to the only person younger than you in the group and embrace him in a hug as tight as how you would like to be hugged right now. You look around and realize that all 11 of you needs a shoulder right now, from that one person. You shake that thought out of your head and reminded yourself that you hated him. He's the cause of all this, how could he. 1 hour ago you were just happily fooling around with the other chinese members, commenting on the new chinese restaurant that opened in front of your dorm. But right now, standing in the midst of this madness, you realize that nothing is going to be the same again.
Of course you thought of excuses for him, "This is just a rash decision" "He's just really pressured these few days" "He grew up in a different environment with us". But deep in your heart, you know this is what he wants. You've predicted it months ago, maybe years. He had always complained to you about how weak his body has gotten after debuting; during heart to heart talks, he would often cry while talking about how pressurizing the packed schedule is. But you just pushed those subtle hints aside because you thought that as long as you guys were together, these small stumbling blocks wont mean a thing. Oh, how wrong were you. Maybe he was crying out for help with those tiny actions, but you were too caught up in the perfect dream to notice them. You foolishly assumed that he would hang on, for you, for the rest, and you just can't comprehend why he would leave. How could a leader be so irresponsible?! Most of the rest agrees with you, they too unfollowed him on instagram. You know how childish it is to do that, but you want him to feel hurt, to feel exactly how you feel right now - alone and devastated.
You're not sure about the real content of the lawsuit, but you don't care. You know him like the back of your hand, and you know he's not coming back. You understand why he did that, you really do. You know he's doing this not only for himself, but for his loved ones, for the team and even for the future of his juniors. But you just cant bring yourself to forgive him, because you know that forgiving him means accepting the fact that he would not be here anymore. You cant forgive him, because just 4 days ago you guys were standing backstage chatting about how awesome your first concert is going to be.But now, he's not even going to be there. You remember how excited you were that day, going on and on about what brilliant fanservices you came up with for the fans, but out of the corner of your eye, you saw a flash of sadness in his eyes. The eyes you were so familiar with, always glowing with passion even when his face showed otherwise. But that day, it was different, he was quiet as usual, but that gleam in his eyes wasn't there anymore. You shook that weird feeling off as the cue for you guys went off, you look over at your best friend for one last time before leaving; you thought you saw a tear fall from his eyes, but you told yourself it was just a hallucination.
If only you could really turn back time, hah..........how great would that be, if only the powers you so widely promote were for real, how perfect would that be. If only he could really fly, as he longed for so dearly, and soar back to our sides right now, ah..........how amazing would that be.
Everything is just so fragile right now. You have no idea what the future holds for group, or what will happen to him. Everyone is trying to stay strong, putting on a brave front, but their eyes.........you can always tell from their eyes, how much hurt they're feeling. Seeing that just makes your blood boil more. It's all because of him! You dont want to blame him because you know he's suffering himself. But he could've chose to stay here, the rest would be here for him! WE ARE ONE! He didnt have enough faith in you, in the rest. WHY?! You were always there when he needed you, and he know you would always be. Some of the others are starting to doubt what this "brotherhood' means, the others are on his side, begging the rest to stay strong and hold on to the promise of staying together for life. You hold your breath and pray the hardest for all of you to stay strong. At this point, ANYONE could break and just give up, everyone is so fragile right now. But you know you guys would get through this, with or without him. You post about your frustrations using instagram because you know he checks it often. You want him to know that all of you are terribly hurt and is going to work hard even without him. Part of you does this to spite him, the other half just wants to guilt him into coming back. You need him, so much. You want him, to be there for future comebacks, the first asia tour, the premiere of the members' movies, the first world tour and so many more firsts that you guys could've enjoyed together.
After drying his tears, the leader gathers all of you around. You know it's so much harder for him because he holds himself responsible for this whole situation. Hyung, you're not at fault, he is. Only by working even harder will you guys ever get through this, and the rest agrees. So putting your hand in the middle with the rest, you shout the loudest you've ever shouted, " WE ARE ONE! EXO, SARANGHAJA!".
You promise yourself to work even harder than before, to man up, be even more matured, and get through this, even without him. You know you've forgive him in your heart, but not completely. The hurt he brought to you, your brothers, will never be fully forgotten, maybe in the future, but not now. You start practicing again for the concert that he would not be attending, you order yourself not to cry, because just this once, you want to be the strong one and not the crybaby. You work your ass off because you just dont want to think about him, about the pain, about how you're going to face this, about your future.............without your best friend. Things between you and him will never be the same again. Maybe someday you'll meet him again, and strike up a conversation like old buddies; maybe someday this will all just be a distant memory that you'll laugh about; maybe someday all 12 of you will reunite and forget about the whole thing, maybe someday you'll actually truly forgive him, but not now.
You clear your thoughts for the final time and concentrate on perfecting your backflip. The older ones are comforting the younger ones and slowly, one by one, they all start to get into their positions. The music starts playing, and all of you are united again by the melody. WE. ARE. ONE. 12 or 11, it doesn't matter. The love you guys had together is not forgotten, deep inside everyone of you understands why he needed this break, it tears all of you apart, but for the fans you have to stand up again. The corners of your mouth starts to turn up a little, your heart feels at peace again. Even though your best friend left you, you know the rest will still be by your side. You wish for him the best in life, you hope he's happy now. You look your other 10 brothers and smile. This has only brought the ones that are left closer, and you're going to treasure the time with them more. Because you wouldn't know when the next goodbye arrives, or when life decides to teach you to not take things for granted.
This is plainly my own take of how the members reacted the day the news broke out. It is definitely not proven to be true. Take it as another perspective of how things unfolded.
Also, by writing this doesn't mean i feel that Kris is the one at fault. 100% NO. I understand why he had to do that, and i know he's hurting as much as the rest. But i just had this urge to write about how i think the rest of the members are feeling, so please don't twist my words around. Thank you (:
I feel that the members are really fragile right now and the situation is very delicate. I hope that fans will stop spreading any rumours or news that doesn't have legit prove. The more fake stories spread, the harder it is for OT12. All we can do is just wait patiently and quietly for updates.
HAVE FAITH! WHATEVER THE OUTCOME IS, RESPECT IT. EXO, LETS LOVE!
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