Just an oak tree @quercussp - Tumblr Blog

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absolutely honest and genuine question: how does a fat person with a barely managed eating disorder raise a kid to have a healthy relationship with food?

my toddler is going through a very normal phase of not really eating almost anything at all and i am really struggling to find a good balance between on one hand making sure she eats enough to sustain herself but also avoiding praising for eating and other disordered eating behaviors.

#personal #tw eating disorders #tw food #i will take advice from anyone #but especially either people who are fat and are raising kids #or who's parents were fat and how their relationship with food was #i'm trying to be very neutral about food #but hard to be neutral when i just want her to eat a bite of anything #also a lot of times she won't eat something just because she doesn't want to taste it and once she does #she'll eat it #which means that you need to be persuasive for her to try #but isn't that basically forcefeeding?#like it's hard

Getting home from work at almost midnight after a 10 hour shift and remembering that you had a shower yesterday so you can reasonably get away with not showering today and go straight to bed…. True bliss

#personal

diphowell

this is one of my new favorite photos. dan with his hair not done 'cause he's on vacation with his partner, sitting on a chair outside next to phil reading a book and phil's thumb in the lower left hand corner because, presumably, he was quickly trying to get a shot of dan reacting to the book.

#phan

#russian is hard itself #but russian cursing #is especially difficult #and cannot be translated by google translate #it's very creative and does not follow the same structure as english cursing #so #i am happy to translate russian cursing for your HR fics

Accidentally went to a HR soundtrack themed strength class today.

Was not my intention but I cannot escape.

#personal

#also #russian banks are no longer connected to swift #sending money to russia is incredibly difficult #trust me i know #so no one can just hit up ilya to ask for a venmo transaction lol #it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things #just hurts a little to know what timeline we live in

#one pet peeve i have about HR fics #that are set in post 2022 #is that you cannot just travel to russia people #it used to be that simple - get on a plane and go #there are no flights to russia from america or anywhere in europe #you have to go to turkey or israel or egypt and then take a connecting flight #also #you are not getting a us visa in russia right now #you have to go to georgia or armenia to do that #and also no one is drafting players from russian leagues right now #yes there are a lot of russians in sports everywhere #but you can't just come from russia to play in the NHL or whatever #rant done #it's nice to imagine a world that has not been irreversibly changed by war and cruelty #it just hurts to read every time because it highlights how much it is not the reality we live in

the last 3 episodes of HR are some of the best show episodes i've ever seen, pure cinema

#there's a reason people like it so much #and it's not only the handsome gays

one of my favorite things about HR, other than how well the actors act, is that their clothing is wrinkled like they're normal people and not like there's someone between each scene with a steam iron making sure everyone looks perfect (especially in ep 6).

#heated rivalry

one of my employees looks so much like hudson williams it jumpscares me literally every day

#or perhaps a very young version of hudson williams #it's very funny

i am extending an offer to proof read anyone's heated rivalry fanfic for the appropriate use of russian

that offer also extends to the makers of the show lol

#heated rivalry #i am actually serious #russian is a very hard language #and i see people using it in fanfic using google translate #but it's just a hard language so i would recommend having a native speaker proof read #so hit me up :)

sorry in advance if it's not the place, but I've been wanting to talk about it with another queer russian person.

I had some mixed feelings regarding dnp's reaction to HR. obviously it's an entirely online non-issue (!!) but their comments about Russia and russian people throughout rubbed me in a wrong way. just highlighting how well-meaning liberal people do not extend empathy to russian folk. like, such empathy is always provided for usamericans, who ARE considered separate different individuals, while their goverment is also doing vile shit.

idk just makes me a bit sad that they are not exempt from this while showing so much solidarity for queer people.

i am sending you lots of love <3 i know exactly what you mean. i haven't watched their reaction and don't really plan to, it's not my kind of content, but i get what you're saying.

holding space in your mind for all the various shades and nuances of human suffering is very difficult, especially when it isn't something you are intimately familiar with. none of us are perfect at it, the difference being that me and you don't share our thoughts to thousands of people with varying experiences and traumas. your feelings are absolutely valid, and i would also extend some grace to them. i don't know if you were in the phandom back then, but dan and phil went to russia for interactive introverts and it was A BIG DEAL. they had to go through a lot of very difficult red tape, they left their phones in the UK and took only burner phones, they quite honestly risked their safety to be there for their russian fans, so i think they might have more empathy then it might seem from just a clip of them reacting to a show.

#i have a lot of other thoughts on this #not specifically about dnp #about about this topic in general #and how much empathy we can ask for and from who #dan and phil might not be directly oppressed by the russian government like queer people in russia #but they are also queer people who have to live in constant fear of that oppression #so it's hard for me to fault them for not doing that mental work of keeping in mind all the various levels of involvement and suffering #but i also can't in any way fault you for feeling dismissed and not heard #i don't know if any of this is helpful #and i'm sorry if it isn't #but at least know that i do really understand what you mean <3

obviously i haven't been sleeping all night and i think i can articulate what made me most unsettled. it's weird to know that someone wrote a fictional story about something that you went through. like i know that it happens. there are thousands of stories written set in ww2, there's so much written about all different times in history and i guess one day people will write stories or make movies set in the times we are living in now... it's just when you're living in them it just doesn't make sense how someone will look at this and write a romance about it. it's not a bad thing, it's just a weird thing, you know? like i cannot imagine someone writing a romance story about ice raids or set in ukraine during the war, even though i'm sure it will happen at some point. so watching a queer romance set in the 2014 sochii olympics is just.... unsettling. that's what i feel. it's a weird combo of feeling both very seen and also incredibly invisible and insignificant.

#personal #i will definitely need to talk about this in therapy

it's just that profound loneliness of being "home" and wanting with everything in you to be somewhere else, feeling so so so alone... i've literally experienced that exactly. that specific feeling, that crying in a tunnel against a graffiti wall despair that will never go away

#some days i am able to live with this #some days i know i've built a whole new life #some days i feel at home in my own house with my partner and my kid and my dog #and some days like today i don't know what to do with the size of the pain in my chest #and you know #i am much more a svetlana than i am an ilia and not because i'm a woman #it's much more about other things #just circumstances #like that my family have never been aligned with the state #but still #god i want to hug her #i wonder where she was in february of 2022

and the fucking 2014 olympics

guys, you have no idea how much emotion and pain all of these real things that are referenced can bring up

you know what, i'm not a writer and i don't have the words and also i don't think it's possible to convey my feelings here. so i'm not going to. just...

fuck

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

finished watching, i mean the whole love story and everything is great, all the things people said, yes all of it is great but...

fuck that scene of him talking in russian explaining how he's a stranger among his own family, of never going back again, of being either an atm or an enemy, but also of it absolutely killing him and him being alone..... FUCK that hurts right in the heart. and that time frame..... FUCK

i immigrated in 2017. i remember that feeling so well and that pain so so well and i just keep thinking about how much pain that fictional character will be in the next 9 years. where would ilia be in february 2022. would his world also be divided into the before and after.

the trauma of growing up queer in russia. the leaving home. the coming back as both a celebrity and an enemy. you all... you have no idea. fuuuuuuuuuuuck

#i'm not tagging it because i don't want this in the main feed for people just looking for fanart or stuff #but dang it #this hurt so so much #probably in a good way #but i feel both incredibly seen and very invisible

fuuuuuuuuck

i did not expect the whole queer person going through russia's descent into fascism in the late 2010s storyline to fucking hit me SO HARD and so painfully

#heated rivalry #as someone who lived through it #i... have a different then most take reaction to it #i am... not ok #fuck #i should have prepared myself better #and scheduled therapy for this week

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Just an oak tree