Mad Med

This struggling medstudent reactivated tumblr for study inspo (and to have a place to rant)

[quimod]

These days I really, honestly, feel like giving up. The emotional whirlwind of this rotation is enough for me. I've been called useless a lot, made me feel like I am one and been treated like one. This makes me hesitate. About a lot of things. This makes me question myself and what I learn. Is it true, am I really useless? Is everything that I have done so far wrong in all ways? These thoughts, though I keep them so hard at the back of my head keeps circling back and forth everytime I am on duty.

Is medicine not for me? Is there anything that I can do right? I wish I pursued culinary instead. I hope if I shift, the teachers and the seniors treat people better there. Agitated, angry people are not good for my health. I don't want to be punched by words when I know I will not/cannot/should not retaliate. It exhausts everything in me to the point that I want physical torture instead.

[quimod]

I hit the snooze button mors than 10 times today. I didn't want to really get up. This was more tiring than I expected.

[ljutefisk]

[fell-reverie-deactivated2026051]

Environmental storytelling

[quimod]

*GPS* *TRACKING*

[quimod]

Nothing makes me feel more alone than being with people who would judge you before telling you what you asked for.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Part of surviving is being able to move on.”

— Alexandra Bracken

[quimod]

Repeat 5000x

[sandersstudies]

I want a home mostly just to welcome people into it. There will be bowls of candy for guests, and the cookie jar is full. I’ll always say “I was just about to make a coffee/tea/cocoa, would you like one?” when somebody walks in. There’s lemonade and iced tea made fresh on hot days. Once it hits That Hour and they start saying they really should be going, I’ll remind them that the futon is always open, and I’m making cinnamon rolls tomorrow. There’s champagne and sparkling juice hidden on a high shelf just in case somebody announces their engagement or their pregnancy or their new job while they’re here. There is an extra chair in the living room, at the table, and on the deck, and it’s for you. I want to be able to say “if you’re ever in trouble, come to me.”

[quimod]

❤️

[quimod]

17/366

Today is the day that I all I ever wanted to do was to cry, puke my guts out, and kill myself because of the dread that I will actually fail this rotation- anxiety is a frenemy, I know, and even though I already prayed, this day became the worst day yet.

Counting all my extensions and how many times I fail myself today in secret...

Why did a stupid girl like myself went into medicine in the first place?

[quimod]

Let’s never ruin this creation.

I had the chance to dive for the first time today and I thought I’d really panic and swim up the moment I’m in the water- but instead, I felt so calm, contented and happy I though I’d never want to part with what’s under the sea again.

📍Boracay, Aklan, Philippines

[quimod]

The real reason why I don’t want to keep any man in general: their road attitude.

I have never seen anyone more entitled than a man owning any driving vehicle. They are so engrossed in it that they think they’re kings of the road. They could do no wrong when they drive. But they can- they do.

Most of them are complete assholes. If they see a slow moving car in their lane, they’d immediately think it’s a woman driving. If they’re correct they’d smirk, when they would know it’s another man, they’d provide reason, or excuse his slow driving. When they see you backing up on a busy street they’d fucking still cross that street. You’d have to wait until they pass to back up again. They’d honk your ears off when you suddenly have to restart your car. If they make you wait, they’d fucking tell you to wait but you can’t tell them that because you’re just a stupid girl driver.

I have a classmate who didn’t get to take a girl home one night and he fucking went ballistic. It was a highway to hell moment for all of us but thankfully, we were not with him. Lol

When in crossings, I would think that they’d be chill as fuck but the moment you rev up your engine they’d taunt you with their start stop stupid maneuver. They’d go a little bit so you could stop, put you in a very difficult maneuvering position, stop at that stupid distance, and they’d wait for you to adjust. What. Kind. Of. Stupidity. Is. That.

There was one time, I was taking a right turn when a taxi driver hit my car from the back because he didn’t see me taking a turn. How can he not see me when I saw him 400m away? He denied overspeeding but witnesses saw he was driving approx more than 60mph in a fucking lane designated for turning? And I got to be blamed for it because I was turning? What the fuck is that shit.

Now let’s talk about motorcycles. They are the bane of my existence. I never liked riding one nor am I accepting the drivers’ really, really shitty attitude. You want to turn right, you should give a fucking signal, mister. If you want to cut lanes, give a fucking signal. If you want to overtake, giva a fucking signal. Why are they not giving away anything? Is it because they’re small? Is it because they’re fast? Lol. Putangina.

This toxic masculinity really gets to me because it’s constantly pissing me off. It’s petty and stupid and dangerous to be fucking shitty on the road. If men make mistakes there, they’d scream at you for the one being in the wrong. Stupid, entitled kings of the road.

[introvertunites]

If you’re an introvert, follow us @introvertunites​

[quimod]

You can’t demand from others the very things you deny them of.

[quimod]

Shared table etiquette, please

Most people can be inconsiderate sometimes. Studying in co-working spaces or in cafes would, most of the time, bring you to an unavoidable circumstance of sharing a table with a stranger. Surprise!

Then they start banging their calculators, drinks, and pens on the table. I curse. Can I ask them to be more gentle? Are they immune to what they are doing? Are they doing this on purpose? I wouldn’t know. My head is already pounding. I blame myself- why can’t I study at home? At home is not peaceful too. Why can’t I study in my room? I’d sleep.

At this point, I’d remind myself to just be kind. But the letters are still mixing in my head and I really, really need the table to stop banging. At the end, after spending a lot of money on coffee, I rise, leave the cafe and just go in my car to rant.

[quimod]

So today I got called out because I “stole” some guy’s supposed parking lot. MY HAZARD BUTTON WAS ALSO ON, SIR. It’s not my fault your reflexes are slow. SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? Should I get my car and park somewhere else for your fucking sake? Preach to me. I am so, so angry right now.

[quimod]

These pent up frustrations and thoughts of violence need to go somewhere safe. 🥊

[tg323]

Take the hidden paths That run towards the Moon or to the Sun Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe Let them go! Let them go!

The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

[quimod]

Full moon and My Birthday

I didn’t expect a full moon tonight, but having it shining brightly tonight gave me a lot of energy. I feel very, very special. I can even feel it’s glow in my stomach. I wonder, if people with the same birthday as I, also welcome the rays of the moon like I do.

[kawuli]

Can we make “They eradicated smallpox, Nigel” the next “Harold they’re lesbians”?

like for antivaxxers or something?