Ashley Espinal

Tasteful teenage insight

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Restraint

Sometimes I find myself missing that one person who I know isn’t good for me at all. Of course I’ve made incredible memories with this person, but in the bad outweighs the good. 

In a moment of weakness, I tried to reach out to this person. No answer. Of course it hurt my feelings that they blatantly declined my calls (plural) and seemed to be ignoring my texts. 

In the past, this would have driven me to cry for a couple of hours and write in my journal about how nobody cares. Recently, situations like these do not affect me nearly as much as they used to. I’ll usually just keep it moving and accept the fact that for whatever reason, they don’t want to talk to me. 

I’m not saying that all of a sudden I’m going back to my old ways of crying about it, but It definitely makes me upset. I’ve been trying to balance my chakras, and my sacral chakra is incredibly under-active. This is due to the fact that I have a “poker face” and I never express my true feelings. 

It struck me that I never truly deal with my feelings. I simply box them up and shove them into a corner,  meanwhile pretending I’ve healed myself and that I don’t care anymore. 

This is simply not true. If I’m going to heal my sacral chakra, I need to be more comfortable with sharing my emotions, rather than boxing them up. I need to let go of my habitual restraint. 

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Friendship

It did not occur to me until a few years ago, that not many people understand what it is truly like to have a best friend. I mean lets be honest here, the term is often misused. It’s almost as if the two words have lost their true value and meaning altogether. 

A best friend is someone whose mere presence can ease your suffering. Someone who will have your best interests at heart, even when you aren’t seeing eye to eye. Someone who you don’t have to physically see every single day for the connection to remain intact. Someone who appreciates your innate flaws. 

All clichés aside, I truly would not be the person I am today without my best friend. Our minds have evolved into one. This does not mean that we share the same thoughts and feelings about everything, but that we are on the same level of understanding. Whether or not we agree or disagree, we both have very strong opinions that stimulate amazing conversation. It is not often that you can find someone interested in more than just the latest fashion trends, or celebrity drama. 

I will forever be grateful to whatever force that manifested this friendship. Once in a lifetime is another phrase that is often misused, yet I find it befitting for this situation, for a friendship like this is truly a once in a lifetime occurrence. 

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MSFTS 

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