[lunaswondrousworld]

— Rupi Kaur

[quitethelegend-blog]

ch. 1 || fear in a handful of dust

[quitethelegend-blog]

lightwoodalecg‌:

“Did you have the impression that she’s playing more than the usual Seelie games?” Alec stared at his parabatai in puzzlement. “Jace, what happened today? You know you can tell me.”

If before Jace had seemed lost in thought, glancing at Clary with fraught emotion, he now appeared conflicted in a completely different way, and Alec had to fight the urge to reach out. He’d already offered comfort and had been rebuffed, he didn’t want Jace to think he didn’t trust his judgement.

Finally, Jace seemed to come to a decision and, much to Alec’s surprise, laid a hand on his arm. Earlier, Alec had had the distinct impression that Jace had put up a wall, and even now the emotions he could feel through their bond were strangely muted, barely more than an acknowledgement that Jace was in the vicinity.

“Of course I know I can trust you, it’s not that at all.” Jace’s eyes were warm and open, but he still seemed to choose his words carefully. “Just… be on your guard when dealing with the Seelies. Remember - we weren’t entirely sure that some of them weren’t working with Valentine voluntarily not too long ago.”

“I remember. And I’m always careful when it comes to Seelies,” Alec replied, confused, but added quickly, “Thank you, though. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”

“That’s… that’s good.” Jace nodded, removing his hand as if he’d only just noticed he was still touching Alec, and Alec had to suppress the familiar urge to hold him back. Would he always crave Jace’s touch? They weren’t very good at talking, so maybe it was natural that he’d grown to consider their casual touches - mostly initiated by Jace - as reassurance, comfort. It didn’t mean he was somehow betraying Magnus. Alec shook himself out of his thoughts, realizing that Jace still seemed to be pondering something. In the end, however, he only said, “Did you find out who gave Luke the info to get to Valentine?”

“No, Sebastian wasn’t able to track them down,” Alec managed to reply in a suitably business-like manner. “Do you think I should look into it myself?”

“That might be a good idea. Maybe run background checks, especially on the newcomers? I’ll help if you want,” Jace offered, only to visibly catch himself and make his excuses. As had become his habit, he disappeared, leaving Alec with much food for thought as well as the determination to somehow find out what the hell was going on with his parabatai.

He didn’t get a chance to do so, busy with setting up Valentine’s transfer to Idris and distracted by Aline’s welcome visit. It was rather amusing to see Sebastian squirm, although Alec wouldn’t have thought the affable Shadowhunter to be capable of social awkwardness. It was something that niggled at his subconscious when he remembered that not too long ago Sebastian had overcome his yin fen addiction and left his home rather abruptly, although mainly Alec was grateful that Izzy showed no signs of a similar desire to get away.

He made sure to get some time with her alone, the memory of her detox still too vivid in his mind for comfort. As always, however, Izzy ended up being the one offering advice, when Alec found himself opening up about the way Magnus appeared to be pulling away from him. She’d always been good with personal relationships, despite her insistence that she herself was very happy being “single and fancy-free.” Although he didn’t say anything, Alec couldn’t help but wonder how free that still was, remembering the way she’d looked at Raphael before the Council meeting.

Still, he resolved to try and talk to Magnus about whatever was bothering him. Hopefully they would be able to mend their relationship. Alec didn’t have many healthy points of reference as to what a relationship was supposed to look and feel like, and everything was still relatively new. But he really liked Magnus, liked the way he made him feel and was determined to give it his best shot. His boyfriend deserved as much, and when Magnus told him about the dark memories the Agony rune had dredged up while he’d been stuck in Valentine’s body, Alec was glad he’d listened to his sister. He might not be able to fix Magnus’s pain, but he could at least listen and be a shoulder for the warlock to lean on.

If he couldn’t help but compare the stiff way in which Magnus accepted his comforting embrace to Jace’s open vulnerability after he’d activated the Soul Sword, Alec chalked it up to the difference between a relationship that was only weeks old and a soul-bond that had lasted for almost half of his life.

He didn’t have time to worry any more about Magnus in any case, not when Valentine was about to be brought to Idris. Jace’s suggestion about background checks struck him as a good one, showing his parabatai did have a head for strategy after all - but there was little time, since he’d given the Shadow Council his word the transfer would happen soon. He’d put Jace in charge of it, and he hoped that was enough.

One of the things that made everything even harder, Jace thought, was just how easy it was to actually disappear into his own past.

It hadn’t been the brightest time of his life, he had to admit; not even close. Unbeknownst to the past version of him, things would get much, much worse in the future, but it still hurt to remember just how messy everything had been; how wrapped up they had all been in their own troubles and how easy it had been for the cracks in their defence to start slowly spreading.

Take Clary, for example. Jace had thought that he might have a hard time hiding away from her – even so soon after they’d met each other (it had all happened so fast, in retrospect, all of it, that it made Jace’s head spin to even think about now), she had always been able to read him somewhat successfully. When he’d planned out this mission, he’d considered that one of the bigger drawbacks, how often he would have to run into her, but given how much she had avoided him at the time, it was hardly an issue. Alec had a lot on his mind too, with Valentine being moved and the other, unsaid portion of whatever was bothering him – something he wasn’t willing to share even with him, it seemed, if the vague sense of unease coming from his direction every time Jace tried to actually reach out through the bond was anything to go by. Izzy had had her yin fen situation to take care of and really, Jace hadn’t realised just how alone he had been back then until now. No wonder he’d ended up having impromptu heart to heart conversations with the man he’d thought to be Sebastian Verlac – back then, each and every one of them had been their own remote island of seemingly unsolvable crisis.

It should have been a relief to know how easy he could eventually have it, but it wasn’t. How could it be? He could see it all – every little thread that had led to the situation that had brought him back in time – and it was so extremely fragile that just one mistake could shatter it to pieces. Was he ready to handle that? Jace had never really considered it. Was he prepared to let time collapse in on itself just because he hadn’t been able to save Alec? There had been other victims, of course, and preventing that particular culmination of the war would save them as well, but Jace had never been delusional enough to pretend that his decision to contact the Seelies had had anything to do with them. It had all always been about Alec, but what was one life when compared to the entirety of Shadow World?

Everything. There had never been any argument – it, he, had always meant much more than whatever fate the world would meet once Jace’s plan was done.

That didn’t mean that Jace couldn’t manage both at once, though. Impossible deeds had turned into somewhat of a speciality for him even before he’d gained awareness of the additional gifts that his father’s experiments had provided him with. He’d managed to go back in time. Keeping the world safe and helping his parabatai didn’t seem so farfetched when compared to that.

Of course, everything seemed simpler before he’d actually tried it – if he had learnt anything from his wandering in the past so far, it was this. The execution of everything seemed much simpler when it didn’t take the other him into account, but ignoring himself wasn’t an option. It had occurred to him recently that he hadn’t asked nearly enough questions during the ritual – he’d just let the Seelie Knight conjure the portal and hadn’t even thought to wonder about what the consequences could be in case he caused some sort of paradox or if he somehow bumped into his past self. The best he could do was preventing any similar scenario from unfolding, but it was getting more difficult by the moment – he had to act now, he felt, and Jace had never been too good at denying himself things he thought were right; not even when the world’s future could be at stake. Especially then.

***

“Alec, we need to talk.”

This was it. The only chance he had before his parabatai would call his past self to the side and ask him if he was ready for this and if he really wanted to be there for Valentine’s transfer. It would be a one on one conversation and if Jace could nip the disaster in its bud, this was the last possible moment. He was relieved when Alec nodded in agreement and Jace slipped into the Head of the Institute’s office, closing the door and turning the key just in case once they were both inside.

“Do you think,” he started, voice faltering as soon as he’d picked up speed. He couldn’t do this. What was he supposed to say? It would only make Alec think he was an impostor; he was suspicious as it were. He should have waited, Jace supposed, should have picked a better time, but he hadn’t managed to stop himself. He was drawn to his parabatai like a magnet, trying to stick to his side as much as possible regardless of how dangerous it was for them all. This was why he was here, wasn’t it? He hadn’t been willing to give him up. It was time to stick up for that choice. “Do you think that maybe it’ll be enough if it’s just me and Izzy? There’s been a lot of transfers recently; how are we sure they’re all trustworthy? Maybe—” He’d finally managed to stop his gaze from wandering, fixing his eyes on his parabatai instead with all the resolution he could manage. “We could handle him on our own. Maybe it would be—”

He was stumbling over his words and wasn’t making any sense and Alec would be able to tell, he always had before. Nothing had changed in the meantime – nothing but Jace’s desperation to keep him by his side.

“What if nothing else is safe?”

[quitethelegend-blog]

ch. 1 || fear in a handful of dust

[quitethelegend-blog]

lightwoodalecg:

Magnus accepted Alec’s apology, but even as they made love that night Alec couldn’t help but feel as if there was still a gulf between them. It was all his fault, he thought, staring at the ceiling, for not believing Magnus when he was trapped in Valentine’s body, and for then demanding he give a hair sample. He had tried to stop the Clave from persecuting the Downworlders, but not hard enough, even if the DNA tests had been Luke’s idea. Well, he’d just have to keep on trying to make it up to Magnus, prove his loyalty until the shadows in his boyfriend’s eyes disappeared. Still, Alec barely slept that night.

He woke at the crack of dawn, but much to his surprise Magnus was already up, smiling at him as if nothing was wrong, and Alec couldn’t bring himself to address the issue so early in the morning. Not when he had his first day as head of the Institute to plan, as Magnus pointed out, adding in a gratifyingly proud tone of voice, “I know you’ll be wonderful, Alexander.”

Alec chose to focus on that instead of the growing suspicion that he was a failure at this relationship thing. The last few days had made it painfully obvious that the Clave was far from perfect either, and if there were unresolved issues with Magnus, the least he could do was find a way to smooth things over with the Downworlders. Kissing Magnus on the cheek with the promise to call him later, he began to formulate a plan of action to deal with the aftermath of Kaelie’s murders.

He stopped by his room on the way to his office for a quick shower and a change of clothes, then headed to the kitchen for something to eat and coffee - he figured he’d need a good dose of caffeine to get through the day. On the way to the office - his office - he heard the unmistakable sounds of Jace playing the piano from the music room. They had spent long hours practising together, and Alec would have recognized Jace’s fingers on the keys anywhere. His parabatai didn’t play often, but it was usually a good sign, despite the less-than-ideal way he’d been taught. Pausing in the hallway, Alec realized they hadn’t played together in a while, and for a moment he was very tempted to go in. Instead he just stood there for a while, listening with a smile before shaking himself and continuing on his way. The memory of Jace’s music stayed with him like a warm blanket.

Sipping his coffee, Alec was going over all the ways Imogen Herondale had managed to upset the Downworlders during her short but eventful stay in New York, and a deep sigh escaped him. Solving this wouldn’t be easy, and it wouldn’t be quick, and he could already feel a headache building behind his temples at the thought of trying to convince the Seelie Queen to sit down with the rest of them. At least he could be reasonably certain the werewolves and warlocks would agree to his plan of forming a Downworld cabinet.

Still, he was grateful for the interruption when Jace came knocking and invited his parabatai in with a smile before sitting back down. “I heard you playing earlier - you sounded good.”

For a second Jace seemed confused, but he quickly recovered, smiling in that almost bashful way he always exhibited when it came to his proficiency with the piano. It never failed to charm Alec completely, much more used to his parabatai’s usual facade of self-assurance bordering on cockiness. However, the next moment he was the one blushing with pleasure, when Jace gestured around the office and said teasingly, “You look good, too, Mr. Head-of-the-Institute. As if you’ve been here forever.”

“Yeah, well, there’s so much to do,” Alec replied with a grin. “I’m beginning to think you only gave the job to me because you didn’t feel like dealing with all the paperwork!”

“You got me, you’ve seen right through my cunning plan,” Jace laughed, and despite the presence of several chairs he parked himself on the desk, ignoring Alec’s pointed looks and even making a grab for his coffee.

That went a bit far, though, and Alec decisively moved his cup out of his parabatai’s grasp, shaking his head in mock-disapproval. “Nuh-uh, you get your own coffee! You wouldn’t like it anyway, you drink yours with enough sugar that I’m surprised you still have all your teeth.”

Jace shrugged unrepentantly, scooting closer and peering at Alec’s tablet curiously. Alec let him, even tilted the screen so he could see better, eager to hear his parabatai’s opinion regarding his plans. When Jace nodded and squeezed his shoulder approvingly, Alec couldn’t help but feel relieved. Asking him a few questions about the Downworld Cabinet, Jace made no move to remove his hand, and Alec didn’t make him, savoring the warmth that spread through him from being so close.

It was nice, and a pleasure Alec hadn’t really allowed himself in the recent past, unless it had been to offer and receive comfort. He hadn’t known that Jace missed it, too, but what other explanation could there be: Jace perched much closer than necessary, hip cocked, body angled towards Alec as they talked diplomacy and how best to announce the change in leadership to the rest of the Institute, hand a steady, comforting weight on his shoulder.

After a while, however, it struck Alec that Jace seemed distracted, and he reluctantly leaned back in his chair. He peered at his parabatai inquisitively and asked softly, “Jace, are you okay? Was there a reason you stopped by?”

Jace straightened abruptly, and Alec had to clamp down on the feeling of disappointment as his hand fell to the side. It distracted him from Jace’s flustered reply. “No, not… not really. Just wanted to see how you’re faring. And I see you’ve got everything well in hand. I’ll… I’ll talk to you later.”

With that Jace pushed himself off the desk and before Alec could react he’d left. Trying not to feel as if he’d done something wrong, Alec realized that he hadn’t even told Jace that he wanted him and Clary to go to the Seelie Court. Shaking his head in bemusement, he addressed the closed door, “Later.”

Glancing at the clock, he realized it was almost time to address the Institute and turned his attention back to his notes. His parabatai’s strange behavior would have to wait.

As much as Jace didn’t like the thought, it was becoming painfully clear that he had to stay away from Alec.

He really hadn’t considered this as much as he’d had to, or so it seemed so far. The more time he spent in the past, the more obvious it became. The Seelie who had performed the ritual had warned him about this, of course, but he hadn’t mentioned just how many little details kept the world stitched together and it had all been a bit of a shock, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

Take his parabatai, for one. Jace should have really known better than to try and fool him – Alec knew him far too well for that – but it wasn’t like he had a choice. He’d come here with a very specific purpose in mind and every time he remembered the reason why he’d had to do it in the first place, he felt something inside him freeze with the terror of it. There was no way he was going back there; not without making sure that Alec was safe first. Come to think of it, it was likely that only this timeline’s Jace would remain once that was accomplished – he would have to go back to the past to save him if there was nothing to save him from – but the last thing Jace wanted was to wonder about the mechanics of time travel just now.

No, instead he would have to focus on avoiding the other Jace as much as humanly possible. His memories weren’t of much help, muddy and unclear as they were, and while he supposed that it made sense – he was currently rewriting time and there was likely no way for his mind to not be affected by it in one way or another – it was still maddening to the point where his decision to make himself scarce was born more out of frustration rather than the mindfulness he was supposed to express towards the events that were about to take place in the Institute mere hours from now.

And what events they were. Jace had to suppress a wince at the memory of the Seelie Court, not because of everything that had transpired there but rather because of everything it had led to in the fallout of the Queen’s displeasure with the Nephilim. He would probably have to interfere exactly in that at some point, but possibly not just yet – too many changes could mean endangering everyone even more and he wasn’t prepared to take that risk while he was still figuring out how much he could bend the laws of time without breaking them.

Even something as insignificant as the conversation he’d had with Alec this morning was a perfect example of that. This Alec’s Jace could have done the exact same thing – it wasn’t like they hadn’t discussed strategies before – and his parabatai would have been none the wiser, but this Jace was still different enough for Alec to pick up on it. He couldn’t quite remember why that was, but he supposed he had been a little too affectionate with him. And who could blame him? Losing him had been unfathomable before and to some degree, it still was – despite spending so little time here, Jace had already latched onto this time and place like it was a lifeline because the longer he stayed, the longer he would get to have Alec by his side again and he couldn’t, wouldn’t, force himself to distance himself from him until the circumstances forced him to.

Which was exactly what had happened now, come to think of it. He’d snuck into the other Jace’s room while everyone was busy making the plans for the Seelie Court and he took the opportunity to borrow some of his own clothes. Luckily, most of the pieces of his gear were undistinguishable enough from one another so it was very unlikely that anyone would notice the differences between him and his past self. He would still have to hide until the mission in the Court was done, though, and Jace gave a sigh of resignation as he locked the door to his room and returned to his bed.

Maybe he could use the opportunity to get some rest. The day had been deeply confusing; the least he could do was try and sleep the rest of it off while he still had the chance.

***

“Do you think we can trust her? With long term alliances, I mean. Do you think we can trust the Seelie Queen?”

If Alec’s startled expression was anything to go by, he probably hadn’t expected their next conversation to go quite like this and Jace winced. As far as he could recall, he hadn’t been too eager to talk when they’d come back from the Court and he hadn’t intended to change his course of action so quickly, but he felt as if he was running out of time. He’d almost run into his past self earlier – his moment of rest had stretched on more than he’d expected it to and he’d only woken up when he’d heard his key turn in the lock – and the need to do something was more pressing than ever. He couldn’t let things go the way they had before and maybe it was just his paranoia talking, but Alec seemed like the key to all of it – if he managed to warn him somehow, to change the course of the war, then perhaps... perhaps they would never end up in Idris and Jace would never have to see him fight; would never have to feel the emptiness that still haunted him from one year into the future.

“Sorry,” he said before Alec had had the chance to speak. He’d barged into his room and it only now occurred to him that he wasn’t really making anything better. If his parabatai had thought that something was wrong with him before, only the Angel knew what he was probably thinking now. “It’s late. I didn’t mean to—” His voice died. “I just thought it might be worth further investigation.”

It was a weak excuse, but it was something he could cling onto and, Jace thought ruefully, that summarised his current situation perfectly well.

[ks-jins]

alec appreciation weeks →  week 8 » weapon of choice 

[nephilimdaily]

I knew there was a reason you were my parabatai.

[quitethelegend-blog]

ch. 1 || fear in a handful of dust

[quitethelegend-blog]

lightwoodalecg:

Alec was ready. Hell, he’d been ready for years, it felt like, and it had hurt when the Inquisitor chose Jace as Head of the Institute, even if her choice hadn’t surprised him. Jace was, after all, a Herondale, and Alec was gay and in a relationship with a Downworlder. However, Jace was also still the same man he’d always been, and Alec smiled warmly as he sorted through the mess of paperwork his parabatai had bequeathed him along with his position.

His parabatai was the most loyal and generous person he knew, although Alec was aware that not many people would share his opinion. But then they didn’t know Jace the way he did - how could they, when they didn’t have the privilege of sharing in that bright, sun-warm soul, untainted by the darkness Jace had lived through, no matter what Jace himself thought. Alec sensed him even now, their bond strong and steady, as it had been ever since Jace had pulled him single-handedly from the abyss by sheer force of will. As always a flush of pleasure shot through Alec as he remembered the look of disbelieving joy in his parabatai’s mismatched eyes, the way his body had trembled with relief against his own.

Shaking himself with a familiar pang of guilty conscience, Alec set aside the paperwork. He really should go to see Magnus and apologize. He still wasn’t sure that it had been wrong to ask for a sample, but he should have gone about it differently, especially since their relationship was still fraught after what Azazel had done. Magnus said he didn’t blame Alec for not believing him when he’d been trapped in Valentine’s body, but Alec still felt that he should have somehow known, in spite of Jace’s admonishment.

It seemed to Alec that, no matter how hard he tried, he was always doing something wrong when it came to Magnus. Were relationships really supposed to be so hard? Sighing, Alec got up and left the office - his office, as he remembered with a small smile. Reaching the exit, however, he ran right into Jace, back much earlier than Alec would have expected and… wearing different clothes? When he caught sight of him, his parabatai stopped abruptly, eyes going wide. 

“Jace, are you alright?” Alec asked, but Jace uncharacteristically fumbled for an answer, still staring at Alec, and Alec’s concern grew. “Did something go wrong at the Hunter’s Moon?” Trying for levity, he grinned. “Did Maia deck you again?”

This seemed to startle Jace out of his funk, a blush rising to his cheeks that made Alec wonder what was going on with his parabatai and the pretty werewolf, but in the end Jace just explained awkwardly that everything had gone smoothly before practically bolting. Shaking his head in confusion, Alec felt along their bond, unable to find any sign of something amiss. 

If anything, he could feel an all-too-familiar echo of arousal from his parabatai, and he reflexively suppressed the sensation, something he’d gotten quite adept at as a teenager but perversely found more difficult ever since opening himself up to Magnus. There were probably deep psychological reasons related to his subconscious or something, but Alec had always been more of an “ignore it until it goes away” type of guy, so now he shoved the uncomfortable feelings to the side and refocused on his original plan, which Jace’s unexpected appearance had disrupted.

Leaving the Institute, he felt a prickling at the back of his neck and turned to look up, keen archer’s eyes easily piercing the darkness. As Alec had known he would, it was Jace was who was standing on the roof, wordlessly gazing down at him. The distance was too great to make out the details of his expression, but the intensity of his parabatai’s stare left Alec shaken.

He lifted hand in an uncertain greeting but didn’t wait for Jace’s reaction before whirling around and leaving at what was not quite a run, just knowing that he needed to get away. He had almost reached Magnus’ place before he managed to shake the unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t think of Jace now, not when he had a boyfriend to apologize to and an Institute to run.

Someone was tapping his shoulder.

Fast as lightning Jace got himself up to a sitting position. A woman – a mundane policewoman, judging by her clothes – was looking down at him her expression stuck somewhere between faint concern and annoyance.

“...and you can’t sleep here, do you understand?” She was saying by the time he actually tuned in on her voice. She had talked for a while, he supposed, but he’d been too out of it to actually listen and Jace shook his head frantically.

“I understand,” he said, the reassurance almost absent minded as he tried to figure out how the hell he’d fallen asleep on a bench in the depths of Central Park in the first place. “I’m sorry, Ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

He willed her to walk away, unleashing his most charming smile as he did so and finally, she wavered and nodded, leaving him behind as she moved on to the sleeping mundane on a nearby bench. She hadn’t glanced at him twice and that realisation was enough to make Jace move away from his own bench and out of her reach. He needed to think and being surrounded by mundanes wasn’t helping; not when they were being so distracting.

Angel, what had happened? He must have blacked out at some point during the ritual and it made sense that he’d end up here, on the border of the Seelie realm without actually entering it, but during the months of preparation for this mission, he’d always assumed that he would end up in his past self’s body.

Evidently, he was wrong. The clothes he was wearing now were the same ones that he’d had on last night (or a night almost a year into the future, he supposed; the thought alone was enough to make his head spin more than his already did) and his own phone was still in his pocket. Unlike him, it had synced up to the change rather quickly – according to the device, it was eight in the morning on a date Jace remembered rather well. Just last night, his past self had passed the Institute into Alec’s hands.

Alec. Jace lifted up his shirt quickly to see the parabatai rune still there, but the feelings coming through it were unmistakably different from what he’d been used to before... Before. They were next to nonexistent now, just an echo of something that didn’t really belong to him.

Because that was it, he realised. Alec was here and his soul was picking up on that, but it wasn’t his Alec (it couldn’t be, it would never be his Alec, but that was why he was here, wasn’t it? So that his parabatai could be more than just an echo to him once again). The Jace who could sense him fully was a few miles west from here, still in the Hunter’s Moon after his night with Maia. Then, he’d go to his room and wouldn’t have to meet Alec until he called them for the meeting with the Seelie Queen.

Jace smiled. He’d picked the perfect day.

***

His first meeting with Alec had passed... well, if not successfully, then not too disastrously either. He’d barely been able to open his mouth, rendered speechless at the sight of his parabatai alive and breathing and there, acting as if everything was fine (which, of course, it was, and the more Jace repeated that to himself, the more natural it sounded; like he’d been meant to return here), but he’d managed nevertheless and as if that wasn’t difficult enough, he’d started running into other people too and trying to remember the things they asked of him – small, inconsequential details that he'd never imagined he would need when he’d made the decision to take his own place in the Institute from months ago – and sooner rather than later, he made his escape to the rooftop. No one would bother him there and the odds of Alec being the only one to find him were in his favour. It was the only thing he cared about, if he was honest with himself, and he had no reason not to be – he’d known what he was doing when he’d came here, after all.

He spotted Alec leaving the Institute minutes later and it was easier that way – to watch him from afar without having to talk to him, but it wasn’t enough.

It was the main reason why he came looking for him the next morning when his parabatai had already come back from– well, Magnus’s place, presumably, although Jace couldn’t be sure. He lingered at his bedroom door for a moment before knocking, taking a tentative step back when Alec opened it.

“Hey,” he said, making every possible effort to sound nonchalant and failing. “Do you have a minute?”

[nirnaetharnoediads-deactivated2]

Jace and Alec in 2x11

[dailyjace]

#bless stained glass windows

[quitethelegend-blog]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.  REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

– BASICS.

•  NAME: Mia •  PRONOUNS: she/her •  SEXUALITY: bisexual  •  TAKEN OR SINGLE: single 

– THREE FACTS.

1. I adore music and my genre restrictions are pretty much nonexistent. 2. Aside from writing, my main hobbies are reading and playing the guitar/piano. 3.  I’m really into exploring every kind of work out in existence.

– EXPERIENCE.

•   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): about eight years off of tumblr/in RP groups on tumblr; just a few weeks on this blog  •   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: various roleplay forums, tumblr •   BEST EXPERIENCE: Not sure, really. Probably the first time I realised just how much detail I could delve into when creating a character. :)

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

•   FEMALE OR MALE: both  •   FLUFF, ANGST OR S.MUT: anything goes  •   PLOTS OR MEMES:  plots •   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: longer ones, although I’m not averse to shorter threads either. •   BEST TIME TO WRITE: afternoon/nighttime •   ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): to some degree, I suppose ;D

TAGGED BY: @lightwoodbymarriage

[imonomnity]

Character aesthetic ♡ Jace Wayland/Herondale/Morgenstern/Lightwood

“To love is to destroy”

[quitethelegend-blog]

ch. 1 || fear in a handful of dust

[quitethelegend-blog]

lightwoodalecg:

***

The moment the Towers went dark, it was clear something was very wrong, even before hordes of demons began crossing the boundaries into Alicante unchecked.

Without thinking Alec summoned his bow and began systematically shooting, all the while trying to organize the other Shadowhunters into some sort of ordered resistance. He caught sight of Izzy, brandishing her whip and killing demons left and right, and at one point he thought he saw a glimpse of fiery red hair, followed by the unmistakable form of his parabatai.

They seemed to be in pursuit of someone, and Alec could feel Jace’s focus and rage through their bond. Valentine, it had to be Valentine, and for a second Alec almost turned and ran after them. However, his common sense prevailed. He was needed here, and Jace had Clary by his side, who Alec had to admit had proven herself a capable warrior even without her rune magic. Together the two of them would be fine, he decided and turned his attention back to the battle at hand.

The fighting seemed to go on forever, and at some point Alec had to exchange bow for blade when quarters became too close for arrows. He’d managed to muster up a group of about 20 Shadowhunters, and together they evacuated children, elderly Nephilim and other non-combatants, getting them to the relative safety of the citadel.

There was no time for anyone to catch their breath, however, their foes continuing to come at them from all sides, and finally Alec yelled at Izzy, “We have to get the wards up again or the city will be lost!”

She nodded, neatly decapitating another attacker, and joined him as they fought their way towards the Demon Towers. Not for the first time since the beginning of the battle Alec wished that Magnus had accompanied them to Alicante. But things had been a bit tense between them recently, and when Alec had invited him, the warlock had smiled a bit sadly, kissed him on the cheek and said that a bit of distance might do them both some good.

Suddenly his parabatai rune pulsed painfully, and Alec stumbled, barely managing to dodge sharp fangs as he tried to make sense out of the maelstrom of emotion he could feel coming from the other end of the bond. They’d been doing good, him and Jace, and he’d been feeling his parabatai’s presence bright and clear all through the battle, but this was like nothing Alec had ever felt, and he had to grab a nearby wall to steady himself.

“Alec?” Izzy called out, worried, and Alec managed to wave at her reassuringly, gripping his blade tighter and turning another demon to dust. Then a pain sharper than anything he’d ever felt lanced through him, and for a moment he wondered if he’d been injured before realizing the source lay at the other end of the bond.

Alec’s knees buckled, and over the rushing of blood in his ears he heard a scream so full of anguish it took him a second to realize that it was his own voice crying out his parabatai’s name as his side caught fire. He didn’t need to lift his shirt to know that his parabatai rune was bleeding, and it was only Izzy’s intervention that saved him from being speared by a demon who’d noticed his distraction.

Distraction. Alec could feel hysterical laughter bubble up in him, but it died before it reached the air as a part of himself suddenly went dark, extinguished like the bond that had been a part of him for almost half his life. He’d been cut off from Jace before, but not like this, never like this, and Alec doubled over, dimly aware that he was still screaming.

Beside him Izzy was frantic, torn between worry and the need to defend them both, but Alec couldn’t spare her a thought, not when his very being had been torn torn open and left bleeding the way his rune was. A sob was wrenched from his throat, which felt as if it was lined with razor blades. Jace was dead. Jace was dead and had taken a part of Alec’s soul with him.

Izzy was reaching out to him, calling his name and shaking him roughly while her whip sliced the air desperately. Groaning, Alec struggled to his feet, still clutching his side. In the numb fingers of his other hand he still held his blade, and taking a shuddering, painful breath Alec tried to gather enough of the frayed edges of his mind to continue doing his job, the one reason he could see for going on right now.

Even as he thought this, he knew that he was being unfair, that he had plenty of people who needed him, wanted him, but nothing seemed to matter in a world without Jace’s bright presence in it. He’d once told Magnus that being cut off from his parabatai meant that the world had shifted and thrown him off-balance, but this was worse, so much worse. The world had not only shifted, it had rejected him, forced him into a strange half-life, making everything seem grey and far away as his heart continued to silently cry out for a consciousness that would never again answer its call.

Focusing on his sister’s familiar form, Alec managed to stay upright and let his training take over, slicing and cutting with numb precision, finding no satisfaction in the deaths dealt out by his unshaking hand. His parabatai rune no longer hurt, as if Jace had never been there at all, but it felt wrong, earth shatteringly wrong to fight without the awareness of Jace’s heartbeat propelling him forward.

Alec barely noticed when a claw broke through his defense and cut his side, just above the broken mark. He almost welcomed the pain, tears blinding him while another demon’s stinger pierced his chest, ears already deaf to Izzy’s cries. Before his eyes failed him, however, Alec saw a beam of bright white light shoot to the sky from the direction of the lake.

For a moment he had the mad thought that it was Jace’s soul rising to heaven. He struggled to call out, but his voice was gone, along with his body as he fell to the ground, losing sight of the column of light that had turned the night into day.

Alec’s last thought before his eyes closed was a simple plea: Wait for me, my parabatai!

No one had bothered to bring him the news.

Jace had been so certain. He hadn’t doubted his initial theory for a second and while it had hurt more than anything ever had before – their bond had broken, after all, how could it not hurt? – he had convinced himself that once he got back to Alec, things would be easily reversible. The situation they were in was one of a kind and on their way back to Alicante, Jace had thought of at least ten different ways to reverse what had happened. Maybe they could even go through their ceremony again, if it ever came to that. The thought brought a smile to Jace’s face despite his worries – whatever happened, they would be fine. He felt elated, almost ecstatic by his victory; the mere thought of the war being over enough to make him feel as if anything was possible.

He should have realised somewhere around that point that there was no way for it to last.

By the time he and Clary had reached Alicante, the city had been almost unrecognisable with its flickering towers and still-burning buildings. Up close, on the stairs in front of the Hall of the Angel, things looked much worse. There were so many people, more than Jace had imagined and far too many for him to count, and he recognised some of them; recognised the medics rushing from one place to another, the parents dragging their children out of the safety of the Hall and back into the depths of the city to the homes they had abandoned before the battle, the Shadowhunters hovering around their loved ones and – most of all – the victims.

There were almost as many Downworlders as there were Nephilim and some of the things Jace could see didn’t make sense – there was too much magic and far too few Warlocks and he could guess that Clary’s rune had worked, and it only made him more impatient. He had to find Alec; if nothing else, his parabatai would be able to tell him what – and, more importantly, who – they had lost in the last hours of the war.

He saw the Lightwoods just a moment later.

It wasn’t easy to miss them, really. He could see Izzy, Robert and Maryse along with some distant relatives that Jace hadn’t seen in years, and they had formed a tight circle just outside of the main crowd. Isabelle was on her knees, Robert’s hand resting on her shoulder, and it didn’t make sense – if Isabelle was upset, Alec would be there. He had to be. He would never leave her alone, no matter–

No.

The denial was so strong, so all-consuming that it was a miracle that Jace hadn’t noticed it sooner. All the way back to Alicante, he’d talked to Clary about the magic that Alec would be able to use if he’d teamed up with Magnus and about everything the Shadow world could achieve with her Alliance rune if they followed the same example and it hadn’t even occurred to him that he would come back to a world where that wouldn’t be a possibility.

The parabatai bond couldn’t break for a second time. Jace was already well aware of that. But right then, as he detached himself from Clary’s hand and rushed to Isabelle’s side to meet the sight that would inevitably await him there, he wished he’d been able to reach for the pain all over again; let it tear through him the way it should have in the first place so that he could feel it for the last time. It would be fleeting, he knew, but it would be enough.

Instead, there was nothing.

***

“I can’t guarantee you success, Shadowhunter.” The intricate lines that the Seelie carved into the ground in front of Jace’s feet were starting to form a pattern in a language that Jace couldn’t fully understand but could still feel. The magic was strong; stronger than anything he’d felt before, and it was the only boost of faith he’d needed. “I can only send you where you asked to arrive.”

“I know.” The Seelie had repeated it quite often ever since Jace had come to him with his offer and his request, but he hadn’t turned him away. “That’s not what I paid you for.”

It was true. No money in the world and no amount of the Institute’s treasures could ensure that his mission would be successful, so Jace hadn’t even tried. He only had himself to rely on and the thought brought a sardonic smile to his lips despite the circumstances. The grimace – as that was all it was – brought him a concerned glance from the Seelie as the man stepped away from the circle. Jace couldn’t exactly blame him. He’d arrived in the Seelie realm about two months ago, consumed by his grief to the point of desperation and promising more than he could afford to anyone who could open him a very particular kind of portal.

“This isn’t about my payment.” Seelies couldn’t lie, but even if they had been able to, Jace was sure that the Downworlder couldn’t have faked the panic in his voice. “This is about life and death. Interfering with these matters has consequences, Shadowhunter, ones that you could never–”

“Did you set the date already?” Jace asked, impatience creeping into his tone as he took in the swirling fabric of the pentagram in front of him.

“Yes.” The resignation in the Seelie’s voice would have been an answer enough on its own and Jace nodded as he stepped forward. That was it, then. If things went right, he would never come back here. He would never need to, and that thought alone made his smile all the wider and far more sincere. Hell, even if everything went to hell, he knew that he wouldn’t have to go through it alone. Not this time. Somewhere, somehow, Alec would be waiting for him on the other end of the portal. Not him, most likely, but a close enough version for Jace to be able to blend in just fine.

“Go on,” he urged and took one last deep breath. “I’m ready.”

[quitethelegend-blog]

ch. 1 || fear in a handful of dust

Between one moment and the next – between seeing Clary make her bargain with Raziel for his life and trying to consider what the implications of that were – Jace was awake.

In the little time he’d been given to brace himself, Jace had expected the process to be painless, but it wasn’t. All he could feel was his body stitching itself back together all at once, every wound he’d had before his death healing in a matter of seconds. It didn’t last long, the mind-numbing agony giving place to full awareness until he was finally able to open his eyes.

The Angel was gone. It was the first thing he noticed – the empty pentagram illuminated only by the moonlight and Clary in the middle of it, still on her knees with hands buried in the sand. She hadn’t turned to look at him yet and Jace was familiar enough with the process to know that she probably didn’t have the strength to. Creating a pentagram was exhausting even for Warlocks and, if it hadn’t been for her runes, it was likely that Clary wouldn’t even be conscious after the Angel’s departure.

The pentagram. Valentine had been the one to set it up, but if the master of the pentagram had changed, there would have been no reason for the Angel to spare his life. It wasn’t difficult to see what Clary had done, especially after Valentine had started the ritual. She had taken control over it at some point; while Jace didn’t remember it happening, the information was still there on the back of his mind as if he’d been watching from the sidelines all along and had stored it all in the back of his mind.

The more he thought about it, the more Jace realised that everything that had happened by Lake Lynn had the same edge to it. It was all a jumbled mess of not quite memories, hazy and slipping away even further every time he tried to reach them.

Clary had asked for his life; that much he was sure of. Putting the Mortal Instruments together gave that privilege to anyone who dared to summon Raziel and, after Valentine had died, it only made sense that Clary would make use of what he’d left behind. Led mostly by instinct, Jace reached up to the place where Valentine’s sword had pierced through his chest and was almost surprised to find it unmarred. He had known, in theory, that that would be the case – his body had felt brand new since the moment he’d woken up – but.

There was something missing.

Somewhere in the chaos of thoughts and sensations, there was an absence that Jace couldn’t quite understand; a gaping emptiness that felt too unnatural for him to ignore. Something had gone horribly wrong. There was no other explanation he could think of. Healing someone on the brink of death was one thing, but bringing them back was against any law that Shadowhunters stood for. It was unnatural and, even if it had been the work of an angel, a mortal had been the one to make the request. If only half of him had made it on the way back–

Alec.

Jace had been able to feel him through their bond up until his fight with Valentine. Everything coming through had had all the telltale signs of a battle – the frenetic change of emotions, the constant, almost overwhelming rush of energy that usually made it all the easier for them to be aware of each other during a fight.

There was no trace of any of it now. And even if the battle had ended – even if Valentine’s demonic army had died with him – there would still be something, no matter how insignificant, to let him know that his parabatai was there.

Willing himself to sit up, Jace moved his torn shirt out of the way, his fingers straying to their rune as he looked down.

“Clary.” His voice was nothing but a whisper, the sound of it so hoarse that he felt like hadn’t used it in forever – and he hadn’t, he reminded himself; if anything, he was using it for the very first time, but that wasn’t what the problem was; it wasn’t even a part of it. Jace cleared his throat, trying to ignore the sight of his parabatai rune, pale and barely recognisable. “Clary, we need to go.”

He was only vaguely aware of Clary’s surprise; of her embrace as she came closer. No, not quite an embrace, not after a minute or two – she was helping him stay on his feet, Jace realised, and he didn’t have the strength to pretend that he didn’t need it.

He had died, he reminded himself. It made sense that their bond would break. It was an unprecedented situation, after all, and once he got to talk to Alec, they would sort things out. They always had before, and now– before this, their bond had been stronger than ever. They had gone through so much and he couldn’t – he wouldn’t – lose Alec over this.

Without even thinking about it, Jace picked up his pace, doing his best to ignore the suffocating fear that threatened to rise up. The battle was over, and Alec was fine. He couldn’t afford to consider anything else.