Do I want to go through this?
Abandonnez tous vos sens au plaisir, qu'il soit le seul dieu de votre existence. Por dentro este corazón está apunto de convertirse en llamas... Two more steps and I'm finally here. I breathe in the cool, humid, fresh air and my lungs fill with the anticipation, the desire and the hunger of the small city. I know the sky above me is bearing its usual dull grey colour and I can already feel the small raindrops falling on my face but I can't care less. I've been dreaming of returning here for 4 months - I want to get wet from the rain, I want to ... WHAT? Right there, next to that bench, where one of my best friends was waiting for me just a few months ago before we went on a small road trip, I see him. He is smoking, looking at me as I exit the train station. How did he even know my arrival time? I had only told my friend Laura about it. But that no longer matters - my stomach clenches and my legs feel as if they will fail me any second; I can hear my heart beating in my ears and my vision goes blurry for a second. How is it possible for one person to have such an effect on someone else? And even though inside I am ready to break down, my fabulous exterior remains unchanged. I can't smile though; I look down for a short second and make a step forward. The wind blows around me and makes a mess of my hair which hides my face. And that's all the time I need to compose myself. I look up at him and smile gently; I see him smiling back as he drops his cigarette on the ground and starts walking slowly towards me. I am pulling my luggage behind myself, the noise of the wheels combined with the wind is making it impossible to hear anything if either of us spoke and thank God for that. I look down once again, trying not to observe him but I already know that he’s taking a mint chewing gum and putting it in his mouth – I don’t need to look. And there goes my mind drowning in thoughts about the future of the next 20 seconds. I simply don't know what I would say to him. It's so difficult with all that miscommunication and all the shit that happened a few months back between us and us and our friends. What can I say to him? Maybe I should let him speak first; I already know that this is precisely what I would do, even though we have already tried that and it did not work out at all. I seriously hate not communication with people on the level of knowing exactly how they feel about a situation. If we're just going to be friends, that's fine; if you want to have fun with me until the girl you're after comes around - fucking say so! - I won't be mad, just the opposite - c'mon, let's do it! Just speak to me – fucking tell me what’s on your bloody mind! But there's that type of guys, who like being all subtle and I don't know what he's on about and what he wants. I had only heard about them before I met him and to me they were simply a legend. Apparently I was wrong and they are not a fairy-tale, they do exist and by the time I learned how to deal with them, it was already too messed up for his type to handle. Oh well… I thought I was over it… I thought. While my brain is speeding with memories and questions and everything there is to think about my legs are carrying me closer to him mechanically; until... "Hey." he says gently when I stop in front of him and I look up to face him. I smile with a bit of sadness in my eyes and I hug him before he registers the unwelcome feeling. It's one of my special hugs that are so very typical for me; full body, hard and long; it creates strong tension, makes you hold your breath and then let go of it gently so as not to disturb my cosiness as I'm giving my hug. It’s as if I'm creating a small universe which gravitates around an enormous black hole of sexual tension. And after what seems like forever I start letting go... gently and slowly. My face moves close past yours, I look into your eyes, I bite my lower lip and smile softly… and here you are, finding yourself looking at my red lips. It's not the first time that he and I have been in this same exact position; so he already knows that what he is about to do works well on me. He cups my cheek with his right hand, his thumb rests on the corner of my lower lip and I can' help but look down and exhale all the air in my lungs whilst trying to camouflage a sigh. I know that if I look up at his eyes it will only become more difficult; I know that if I kiss him I will not want to stop… and then I remember we’re young – we need to make the most of the time we have together! – And then I remember that this hurts – with him it hurts… Because he’s special. A second has passed; I can feel his thumb move across my lower lip and I slightly open my mouth and close my eyes. My hand lets go of the handle of my luggage and settles on his biceps, moving up to his shoulder and neck. As my other hand grabs his jacket at the waist to pull him closer. His hand on my face takes another position; he lifts my chin up and our lips meet. Soft and sweet in the first moment right before his left hand pushes the small of my back towards his body. And when it all collides together I immediately feel the desire, the passion and even the simples of all those feelings – the carnal attraction, spilling onto me with a 100 miles per hour. The kiss rapidly turns hot and heavy, our tongues making love already, leaving our bodies craving for more. Vision 1. Track changes. My mind catches up with my body which is still on the train that would take me to the small city where no would be waiting for me. Of course Laura would be making dinner at her place where I would go straight to in order to grab the stuff I left in her closed over the summer while I was away. ~*.. I am sure that will not happen when I go back and I am sure that the moment we do see each other I will be a great big nothing and in the end I will once again end up with his best friend(s) in the worst time possible in terms of our relationship which we don’t have!..*~
