Note: I know this is a long post, but PLEASE read it to the end. I promise there is an important message that many of us could use right now when dealing with negativity online.
Over the last few months, I’ve seen many posts or Sarahah submissions to other dancers that discredit their achievements based on one factor - the size of their category. It first started when I was younger, but I’m noticing more aggression and anger towards one another as of late. Why does it bother me?
Because it’s frustrating.
“You had a small group which only makes it easier.”
“You only placed because all the good dancers have retired or quit.”
“If _____ wasn’t injured, he/she never would have won.”
“I should have placed. He or she shouldn’t have been in there.”
“You’re not good enough to be standing up on the stage with the rest of the top dancers.”
These are just some of the statements that are spreading online - particularly Instagram due to the use of Sarahah accounts to answer anonymous questions. Have you ever wondered why champ dancers are no longer as active on Tumblr? While I can’t speak for my fellow dancers, I do believe that a major contributor to this lack of activity is the negativity online. The waters have grown murky and there’s no “best way” to navigate them anymore.
The statements I noted above are just examples of what I have seen or experienced. They are examples of the hate or venom that are beginning to take root and spread. Like so many other sports, this is the dark side of our own.
There’s jealousy towards those who reach success. There’s bitterness when one doesn’t achieve the results he or she desires. There’s anger and lashing out in an attempt to temper the bitter disappointment one feels after missing their personal goal.
Arguing the Numbers Are Easier
Having a smaller group does not mean it’s any easier. I personally believe that it makes it much more difficult for a variety of reasons; some of which are fewer recaller positions, increased emotional stress and anxiety, and much more.
It does not matter if a dancer is from a smaller group. What does matter is that he or she achieved an incredible feat - one that nobody can take away from them. That dancer earned it on that given day in front of that panel of judges.
Unfortunately, this is something that will often be attacked by other dancers. From my experience, and please note that this is just a generalization on my experience with dancing, I find that most times angry statements are made by an individual who is disappointed with their own placement or lack thereof.
Are we allowed to have moments where we are mad? Yes. However, we must recognize that there is a time and place for it. If I’m upset, I save it for a private moment out of the public eye.
Personally, I deal with my moments of weakness in the shower at home. My stress, anger, fear and confusion will come out in full force in the confines of my shower. Why do it there? Because it’s not fair to take it out on anyone else and I can release it without it affecting anyone else.
I have INVICTUS tattooed on my spine between my shoulder blades. It’s Latin for “unconquered.” Why do I have it there? Because it’s a reminder that no matter how bad a situation may be or seem, I was raised to have a spine and come out OK. I’d like to clarify that this wasn’t tattooed for dance, but rather after a seriously troubling time in my life where I came out stronger and happier.
It also happens to be the name of my favourite poem by William Ernest Henley - a poem of which the two final lines are relatable to this discussion.
“I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
What does this have to do with the current situation in Irish dance and sportsmanship? We, as dancers, have the ability to change the outcome at any given moment. We are the masters of our own fate; we can decide when it’s time to make changes to our training, attitude and perspective to achieve our goals.
I remember my mother telling me her one cardinal rule at my First Feis. “If I ever catch you crying or throwing a fit because you didn’t get the place you wanted, I’m pulling you out of dance for good.”
To provide some context, my mother said this to me after a little girl around my age screeched and sobbed under a table after not winning her trophy competition. Her mother was trying to coax her out from under the table. My mother made it clear to me that day that I would congratulate whomever won the 1st place trophy and be happy for them.
I’ve seen dancers break or smash trophies on the ground because they weren’t as pretty as the winner’s trophy. I’ve seen parents lament to their kids about how they should have won and how the judges are blind. I’ve heard kids walk up to other kids saying that “you stole MY trophy from me.”
The sad reality is that we are in a day and age where everyone expects a medal or ribbon for showing up. It’s a sport - those who have worked hard and properly execute the sport to the best of their ability will be rewarded. It’s not a personal slight by the judges. It’s a competition.
Is it ok to be passionate about winning? Yes. Is it ok to be so determined that you’ll practice your butt off to achieve your goals? Yes.
Is it ok to berate or belittle another dancer for achieving what you wanted? No. Is it ok to lash out and treat others with cruelty? No.
Sportsmanship is not always easy. It requires you to check your pride at the door. It demands you to be understanding even in times where you can’t make sense of it. It asks you to be happy for others when you just want to be happy in your own journey.
But most of all, it means that you have to remember what’s most important in life.
We all LOVE this damn sport. The amount of passion we see in one child, adolescent or adult is immeasurable. Dance is a BIG part of our lives…. but it’s not what defines us.
So don’t let it define you. Don’t let it turn you into something you’re not in a moment of weakness. Don’t let it distance you from potential friends, supporters and dance family.
Because I can honestly say that the people who lash out, berate, belittle and harass others will always be remembered for that. Dancers come and go. The success of a champion will always remain, but it will fade with time as others step into the spotlight.
Like the Invictus poem I mentioned above, we are the masters of our fate. We can decide what our legacy will be once we hang up our shoes.
Personally, I want to leave behind a legacy of humble successes and gracious losses. But most of all, I want to be remembered for being a GOOD PERSON.
Because that, folks, is the most important thing of all in this sport and in life.
Let’s support others in this community. Let’s stand up for one another. Instead of hating on one another, let’s channel our energy into something productive like personal growth and achieving happiness (whatever that may be for each of us).
And for those of you on the receiving end of hate, know that you’re not alone. Many of us are experiencing it as well. We can’t choose how people treat us, but we can choose how to respond.
As my late, and incredibly wise, grandfather once said:
“YOUR SHOULDERS ARE SLOPED FOR A REASON. LET IT ALL SLIDE AWAY.”
titsay
origamiaround
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
stormborns
