here’s some not passive aggressive advice for if u are someone’s FP
all of the posts i’ve seen make it sound like it’s the FP at fault for absolutely anything that a borderline feels. i mean idk about you but if i was someone’s FP reading that would scare me okay so here’s some advice that isn’t aggressive as fuck.
If you don’t know what an ‘FP’ is, it stands for ‘favourite person.’ Often borderlines will grow a huge attachment to someone that pays attention to them, even it’s something as small as just taking the time to talk to them once in a while. We’re so desperate for reassurance and love that anyone that gives it to us, no matter how little it may be, will instantly be idolized. It’s such a powerful feeling it’s comparable to thinking we’re in love with you, or thinking that you’re the one we’re going to marry. We absolutely cannot control this, so please don’t be scared. I know it’s a lot to take in. We hate it, idolizing someone like this is by far one of the worst parts of having BPD. [for me, at least.]
Receiving attention from you means more to us than we have the words to describe. Your opinion matters above all else. Imagine a crowd of ten people that are all friends with a borderline: the FP is the one with the megaphone. Your words have so much more power than anyone else’s. We could be terribly upset about something, and even if other people reach out to console us we don’t care, it’s your attention that we want. This is how powerful your reassurance can be, which in some instances can be a good thing. Taking the time to comfort us and remind us that you love us can calm us down in an instant.
In addition to the last bullet, it can also be a bad thing. If you don’t react the way we want, we can get unbelievably upset with you. This is called splitting. This is the scariest part about being someone’s FP, as you’re the one we’re most likely to split on, because your opinion and validation hold so much power. But don’t worry, 9.9/10 times we’ll feel horrible about it and come crawling back to you within the hour. Please just know that we cannot control this and when it boils down to it; we’re upset/angry with you because we love you so much.
We can get possessive. Hearing you talk about your other friends can upset us beyond belief. Realistically, we can’t expect you to not have any other friends, but again this is still something we can’t control. Please just be careful around us when talking about other people in your life. If you talk about this stuff, finding a way to bring us into it will make us feel better. [ex. “I was out shopping with my friend today. We went to the bookstore, and I saw something I thought you would like.”]
Enthusiasm is so important. Borderlines almost seem to have a sixth sense and are very very observant of the way people react to them. If you usually add exclamation marks to your texts and then don’t for whatever reason, we’ll think we’ve done something to upset you or that you’re mad at us [yes, we’ll think you’re mad at US in particular because that’s just what BPD does.] Staying consistent with us is important. I know that when you’re having a bad day, it’s hard and exhausting to sound enthusiastic if you’re not. But you can communicate that to us. Tell us that you’re sorry you sound upset but it’s only because you’ve had a bad day. Chances are we’ll come running to console you.
Communication is so important. This goes for us, too. It’s important for us to tell you what we’re feeling, and it’s important for you to do the same. There should be no tip-toeing around the subject of BPD and your FP status; it will only make things worse for the both of us. Ask us what you can do to make us feel better. Tell us if we do something to upset you [being gentle about it, of course.]
We know we’re being irrational. We know that how much we idolize you can be overwhelming. We know that our extreme reactions are ridiculous. We know that we’re getting upset about small things but we can’t help it. We are well aware, but we can’t help it. We have a personality disorder. Our brain is ill. There is literally and physically something wrong with it. We know we’re being ridiculous at times, but that doesn’t mean our emotions aren’t real. Believe me, we don’t want this.
Lastly, thank-you. Thank-you for sticking with us through this. BPD is one of the most horrific personality disorders someone can suffer from. Your support, encouragement and love means so much to us. If you are the FP of a borderline, thank-you for reading this. Thank-you for being so supportive. You rock!
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